Its sucks being the second wife.
I'm never going to matter as much as that child of his, the brat lies about me all the time....has admitted in the past that he has lied about me but when he lies again DH "doesn't know who to believe", I am the kids maid....DH claims I am doing things for him, My happiness is second place not only to the turd kid but the ex wife, I am supposed to throw myself under bus the bus to save her face with the kid.....I knew he had a kid and an ex when I met him BUT I didn't think that going into a relationship with him would make me a second class citizen. I'm not happy but that ok because I'm just the second wife.
Nice thought to start the day off to....now I have to get in the car and drive that little bastard 25 miles to the public school he has to go and get D's and F's in. Happy day....
Hon, in your situation, I'd
Hon, in your situation, I'd be tempted to say, "believe this" as I tossed divorce summons in his face.
Just say no. No to DH believing SS over you, no to driving him anywhere, no to saving BM's rep with her son.....
GOOD POINT!! If you are
GOOD POINT!! If you are unappreciated then STOP now. You deserve to be treated as least as nicely as this kid would be expected to treat one of his friend's mom. There is no reason you should be treated like a second class citizen. If this kid is rude and lies about you, then by all means STOP being his chaffer. Let his dad "who doesn't know who to believe" take this little brat to school. Stop killing yourself. If dad has to go to work early, then tell him to pay someone else to take the kid. You will not be lied about or put up with rude behavior anymore. Not your job and not your fault his kid has divorce issues.
It sucks. The first wives
It sucks. The first wives end up with two husbands...one they sleep with and one that kisses their butts so they can see the kids...
If I were you I wouldn't do a darn thing for him or his kid. You are nicer than me. I realized I was second and worth nothing years ago. Once I realized that, I never once again did anything for his kid...and I never will.
Ha! I've never heard that
I love my DH and if I had to do it over again, I still would, but just barely. I had not been married before and I had no children of my own when I met and married my husband. I was expecting a marriage just like mom and dad had. They were married over 50 years. Wow! DH and I have been married 16 years now, and what eye openers I have had over the years regarding how step-mothers are thought of.
In some ways, me and DH and step-kids have not been that bad, BUT a couple of things bug the H!@#$ out of me and always will. There are people out there, and sometimes it is even one's own DH, who think that SMs don't matter, they are not part of the "real" family, and any children DH and SM may have together are not "real" family either. That thought is that SM = free babysitter with benefits for dad, more than anything else. Another thing is that SM = second wife literally. BM's needs are to come before SM or dad's new wife. And, whatever BM wants, bio-dad really wants too. So, bio-dad can be married to his spouse or SM for 14 years. But, as far as stepkids or adult stepkids are concerned, BM and bio-dad are one in the same. What BM wants, dad wants. Dad is not his own person at all and is merely stuck with SM, who sprinkles mind-control dust on his cereal every morning so she can manipulate and control him and prevent him from having a relationship with his "real" family.
Anyway, I guess what I'm try to say, is that my main reason for thinking sometimes I'd rather not be married to DH isn't so much because of him, because he and I can handle and certainly both know we are married. BUT, because of how BM, stepkids and the rest of society look at SMs. Even at that tho., I've definitely have had to put my foot down with DH. Sometimes you just have to say NO and REALLY mean it!
A husband and wife should put
A husband and wife should put each other first. The child should never be considered 'first', even if the child is a child of divorce. When a man and woman put each other first, the child learns not to be selfish, self centered, and learns how to treat his/her spouse. When you start putting kids first, you raise selfish brats who do not know how to hold onto a relationship, and who themselves will end up divorced.
Your advice is very wise and
Thanks, I believe in it
Thanks, I believe in it wholeheartedly, and live it the best I can.
Echo...you sound like me. I
Echo...you sound like me. I thought at one time there was a future. DH wasn't like this about the kid, he is just getting stranger and stranger. I made an appointment to see the therapist.....I have no place to go, my parents have passed away and all my family is on the east coast....I don't have a job, all the cash I had I put into another house.....I'm just soooooo screwed.
It is extremely frustrating.
It is extremely frustrating. You are given the child to care for and you are to love him/her as your own but the minute you do anything to hurt the child's feelings, even if it was to correct or punish a wrongful action then not only is bio mom there to attack you and make claims of how you don't love the child but bio dad is not there to support you. The kids lie, lie, lie and go to whoever will listen and cry the blues about what a terrible person you are when maybe bio mom is out at the clubs while your caring for her children. Oh yeah, I have been in your shoes. And it doesn't stop there......school teachers, inlaws all side with bio parent as there is this thought in people's heads that stepmoms are trouble when the real trouble is the bio parents.
My husband had custody of his sons, bio mom saw them once, maybe twice a year and really wasn't a big part of the boys' rearing. Husband of course worked and career took him out of town so I basically raised my SSs from little. What a freakin' nightmare as described above.
Yeah....first wives have it
Yeah....first wives have it made. They get all of the benefits of being the wife (his money), without having the responsiblities (cleaning up after his ass).
Wow. You need to rethink why
Wow. You need to rethink why you're putting up with this??? My DH does have problems. But he's never once said he doesn't believe me over SS he doesn't kiss BMs ass either. Thank goodness. The only thing he does do is tells her too much on the phone. If he did what your DH is doing we'd have major issues. Why Should you put up with your DH and SS both treating you as if you're a felon! Ask him why he wouldn't believe you, have you given him a reason to think you're a liar??!!
The only person you can
The only person you can really control is yourself. You do not have to be a doormat. If you are not working - get a job. If you have no job skills - get some.
What is not tolerable AT ALL is a man basically telling you than he can't tell if you or a child is lying. He has zero respect for you.
What are you getting out of this relationship - a roof over your head? That's a pretty horrible relationship only a half step up from hooking.
It is not so bad, I have to
It is not so bad, I have to say I am a lot wiser now and understand what it takes to make a marriage work unlike when I was married before. I know what my limitations are unlike before.