Jealous
Hi,
this is all new for me, I'm trying to get a handle on the abbreviations. 
My BF and I have been together for 2.5 years and living together 1.5 ish. We have his 3 kids 50%. The feelings of jealousy have been bottled up in me until about a week ago. He is amazing, devoted and sometimes a bit irregular but a great dad. I'm finding it so hard not to see all sorts of little things as evidence that he doesn't care about me or consider me - giving my stuff to the kids to use, even just leaving a mess when preparing their food, and that we have to make decisions about where and how we live based on their needs and what BM is up to (putting her own needs before the kids' but my BF always puts the kids' needs first).
I want to love him and not feel distant, left out, letting him down by not being a family together. I feel so torn between my need to be part of it and the pain I feel when I try to be and get sidelined by him. I compare myself to him (never a parent myself, nor planning to be) and of course I always feel inadequate around the kids (except when he's not there - I can do a good job).
But scared now that my jealousy means my interactions with the kids are getting worse, more avoiding, less fun and interaction.
Less fun in our relationship. I feel like I'm waiting for him to be available all the time, then when the kids are in bed or away if he is tired or sick or at work, I sometimes run out of patience.
I want a deep soul connection with this man. How can I get over my jealousy and find some place for myself in his life?
I agree with Sue, If you are
I agree with Sue, If you are feeling this way now, it is only going to get worse. I have said time and again, this is my problem as well, but I just don't know how to fix it and as the years go on, my resentment and anger grows. Sometimes I feel like I am not even the same person I was before I met DH. I too get angry that we can't move because of skids, I get angry that every big decision we make has to revolve around what BM might or might not do, I get angry that because BM acts like a raving lunatic hubby is more apt to do as she wants and upset me, rather than fight with her. I could go on, but I'm sure you get the point.
I get so upset with myself that I am theoretically jealous of children, but I guess (crazy as it may be)in my line of thinking.. I feel that if it wasn't for the Skids, then we wouldn't have to deal with a nutjob BM and our life would be perfect. We could move tomorrow if we wanted (and we do!) We wouldn't have to have a discussion about how Skids or BM might feel about us having a baby, we could just be a "normal" family without all of the baggage weighing us down.
I married the man, we have a 10 month old son now, so for me it is what it is and I just trudge on and use this site to keep me somewhat sane. Again, I agree with Sue that you are in the dating "trial phase" of your relationship and you really need to decide whether this is what you want for the rest of your life. Remember every minute you waste is a minute that you will never get back.
Agree; with Sue Says it
Agree; with Sue
Says it all... They will grow into resentment and that resentment and the jealousy will eat up everything good you hoped for your life and relationship with him.
You; or at least I did; will turn into this person you don't even know
and it doesn't happen overnight; you just wake up one day and realize