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Just a another vent

Unhappy's picture

Okay, so I'm not sure how many of you sleep in the pajamas that god gave you but I can tell you right now if you haven't you should try it. I don't do it all the time but last night was one of those nights where I did. 3 am rolls around and FSS(5) wakes up with a nightmare and comes into our bedroom and FDH lets him climb into bed with us. Thankfully he was on FDH's side with FDH inbeween the two of us. I just laid there until I thought he was asleep and then got up and went to the bathroom to get my rob.

As I walk back into the bedroom FDH makes a comment about how he covered FSS's eyes when I got up. Let's just say that I was pissed at this point. So I walked over to the bed and FDH asked me where I was going and I told him that I was going out to smoke and grabbed a pillow off of the bed. FDH told me not to sleep out in the living room so I just walked away. When I returned from my 3 am smoke FSS was not in bed. FDH made a comment to me about FSS having a nightmare and that's why he let him into our bed. My response, "I really find it innapropriate that you would let your 5 year old son climb in bed with you when I'm not wearing any clothes." He responded with, "well you're never wearing any clothes."

Does this make since to anyone? He made another comment about how he just won't lay there when his son has had a bad dream and not comfort him which I reminded him of the time my BD had a nighmare and I actually got up adn went into her room and comforted her until she could fall back asleep.

So apprently he told FSS after I walked out of the room that he would sleep in his bed with him that night which I didn't know about until FSS starts doing his fake crying. Let me tell you that his fake crying is the most annoying thing on the planet. So this goes on for a couple of minutes and FDH does nothing. Finally I made a comment to him about the fact that he was doing his fake cry yet again. So FDH yells several times for him to stop which he finally did after the third time. Oh and I forgot to mention that FDH was also sleeping in the buff when FSS climber into bed next to him.

Now I can understand comforting a child when they have a nightmare but FDH and I agreed along time ago that the kids would not be sleeping with us anymore. FSS would climb into bed with him all the time and FDH would just ignore me and cuddle with him all the time.

FDH and I have already talked about this and he has apologized for it but I'm still a little irratated with him putting me in that situation. I was less then 3 feet away from FSS and I find FDH's actions as being completely innapropriate.

bottompile's picture

I have the same problem. My step daughter (8 and 9) visit us every 1st and 3rd week of the month. We sometimes play dress up and I let them play with some older make up and what not. What I get so mad about is when I come home from a long day at work and I have to change to my comfies in the bathroom or in another room because the girls and him are hanging out in our room! I feel that I dont have my privacy in my own house! And then when I am not around, they go through my stuff- jewellery, clothes, shoes and everything thats in my side of the room. I asked him to tell them to respect my stuff and they would for a bit and then forget about it the next time they come over.

I have let them sleepover our bed on rare occassions (we have a king) but my fiance is 5'11 and I cant say we get some good sleep but its sometimes fun. I made sure I told them that it wont happen all the time. This weekend, he let them. The second night they tried telling him a sob story that they were scraed etc (I get that...) but he asks me in front of them while im laying naked under the covers. Really?!

I unfortunately dont know how to fix this situation either... sorry.

Unhappy's picture

We have a crazy BM to deal with and if FSS ever said anything along the lines of I slept with daddy and unhappy while they were naked this lady would come unglued.

Why do FDHs, DHs, SOs, and BFs set themselves up for this kind of stuff. I understand it's 3 in the morning and no one wants to deal with a screaming child but come on. Is it worth what can potentially happen later on down the road? I think not. Just suck it up and do what needs to be done.

LRP75's picture

HE couldn't get out of bed, take his son back to his room and comfort him there??? That makes a whole lot more sense than allowing a 5yo in bed with a naked woman. Could you imagine what the BM would say to THAT??

Unhappy's picture

You have no idea of the type of crazy that would rain down on the two of us from her. Which is actually understandable. If my ex wasn't such an idiot and actually got to have our BD for over night visits and this happened and I found out about it I would tear him a new one. It is innapropriate to have a 5 year old in bed with a naked person.

Unhappy's picture

Another thing that irratates me is when FSS asks if FDH can sleep with him instead of me at night in his bed. I know that this is not a personal attack on me from FSS, or at least I hope it's not, but FDH never explains to him how he's in a relationship with me and it's inapropriate for him to sleep with his son and leave his soon to be wife sleeping by herself. Obviously this would have to put in kid terms.

I don't know why this bothers me. I guess I just wish that FDH would let FSS know that our relationship matters and exists.

Elizabeth's picture

Ha! I found out the benefits of that once as well. DH and I married when SD was 8 and she still tried to crawl into bed with us ALL the time. And most of the time DH let her because when she asked he was essentially asleep (brain not functioning). DH is 6 ft and 240 pounds, so put him and me (5 ft 6 and 150 pounds) in a queen size bed and then try to shoehorn in a 105 pound 8 year old (yep!) and it was a no-go. And why was an 8, and then 9, year old still sleeping with parents?

Finally, one night I'd had my fill. SD crawled in on DH's side of the bed and he automatically moved over, pretty much knocking me right off the bed. And I'm a light sleeper, so it would wake me up every time she would climb in. So I got up, bare as* naked, went around to DH's side of the bed, took SD by the hand and walked her back to her bed.

Boy did DH get an earfull the next day from BM, as SD immediately reported to her that she'd seen me fully naked. You know what, you stay out of my room when I'm not clothed and that won't happen! It got a lot better after that.