I can definitely see how you'd be tempted to do that, but the passive-aggressive approach is generally not a good idea for a long-term relationship. Can you take the direct, mature approach and sit down with him calmly sometime today or tomorrow, and tell him exactly what you told us here? You do a lot for his kids, and you would love it if he could help with your dog the way you help with his children?

If he sees what you're saying and is mature, my guess is that he'll say, "Wow, you know, you're right. I'm sorry." And then he'll start helping out with your dog and appreciate more what you do with the kids.

If he has another reaction... well, then you've got an issue on your hands.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

I am a stepmom to four kids with none of my own and will not be having any. I have two cats that think I am their mother. They follow me everywhere. I spoil them and they are my babies. I talk to them all the time and my husband actually gets jealous(although he won't admit it but his comments say otherwise). He would say things to me about them getting away with everything or criticizing things that I do for them. What I do is turn it around and put his kids in the same situations and how he handles them and he does realize that I am right. I flat out told him that these are the only kids I am going to have and they actually feel like my own (no I am not a wacko)He gets it, and he hasn't criticized me since. He knows they light up my day.

I too, am a crazy cat mommy. I love my cat more than BF sometimes He doesn't go out of his way to help, but he'll make sure he's fed if I'm going to be late. I do have to ask him to scoop the poop but he'll do it with no problems.

I don't think it's unfair of you to ask him to participate but I can also see how he doesn't "get" it. Maybe if you phrase it in such a way that it would be helping YOU, he'd be more apt to help you out sometimes.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

i have two skids and none of my own....... i came into the realtionship with an angel girl kitty that pretty much only loves me.... and thank goodness dh accepted her (even though he was so NOT a cat person at the time -- we have 2 now and 4 dogs) otherwise it would have been a deal killer...

since you have already taken the high road as belle advised.... do what you said and when his baggage shows up friday let him take care of them all by his self..... in fact at dinner time, go in the kitchen like usual and instead of making skids dinner, make yourself a martini and take your dog for a walk....

i would be freaking fuming right now if dh did that to me & my kitty....

I am a mommy to both dogs and cats....those guys are my kids! DH and Princess actually get jealous of the attention I give my fur babies. The thing is, the animals are 10 times for likeable and lovable lol.

I guess what bothers me about your post is it makes me feel like your SO is taking you for granted. It is not your place to mommy his kids, but you do it out of love for HIM. You are doing all the extra work of being a mommy, but he can't even take the dog to pee? How is that fair? Now I could see him having a problem if you never took the dog out, but if you are sharing the child duties, he can share the pet duties. This issue isn't about the Skids at all. To me, it is about courtesy and doing things to help your partner and make them happy because you love them. He isn't sharing your burden or doing anything to help lighten your load. If if were you, every single time there was a diaper to be changed, I would hand him HIS kid, and you take YOUR kid outside to go pee. When he looks at you and asks if you are going to change the diaper, I would give him his quote back, "No, I don't think so". Not trying to be a bitch, but this behavior needs to be nipped in the bud.

(Meow)

I'd rather marry a man with two pets..........;-)

Ugh and "HISS"....Anyone who does not like cats would not like me. They are like 1st cousins to me and actually have been my entire life.

Smart, fiesty, and ever so loving. Just don't "rub" their fur the wrong way!

BTW: Legend has it that cats see much farther into other realms than humans normally do. Ever see a cats eyes light up while looking around and over your head?

This thread has kept a smile on my face all day! I could not agree more....date the men with pets and NO KIDS!!! Hind sight is truly 20/20....I have 2 furbabies(dogs) that I adore! When I hear SS yelling at them for being excited about his presence at the house (which is more than I can say for myself) I want to choke him! Or he'll get them riled up and then whine because they want him to play.....now my other SS LOVES them! He could care less if they jump all over him and lick him in the face. He lays in the floor with them and lets them lay all over him.

My 2 cents - Step back from caring for the step-kids.

If you’ve told him how you feel and he still doesn’t get it, then let your actions speak for you.

I brought 2 dogs (and no children) into our relationship and he brought 2 kids. I take care of the dogs, I feel like if I wasn’t in this relationship then it would be all on me anyway. And my fur-babies know who’s #1. They follow me around and ignore DH and the boys.

DH was raised with cats but I’m allergic (so is SS8) so having dogs was totally foreign to him when we first got together. Early in our relationship he said something to me about my 2 dogs being a pain and I said, “You’ll always have 2 kids and I’ll always have 2 dogs. If you can’t handle that then this won’t work.”

Since we’ve been together I’ve lost 2 dogs, adopted a 3 y.o. rescue and we recently adopted a puppy. (BTW - We had to get a puppy because DH wanted the boys to have the experience.) I’m still the primary dog/puppy caretaker BUT DH will help me out whenever I ask. And when I had to put down the 2, he was with me and he was just as heartbroken as I was. We were both crying fools leaving the vet clinic.

In fact over the years he’s been helping out more and more with the dogs. When we did obedience classes with the puppy DH was the one that did all the training in class, I sat and watched. The boys do very little when it comes to helping out with the dogs. But then the dogs reciprocate by not wanting to play with the boys, which makes the boys mad, but oh well DH and I keep telling them that it they fed and walked the dogs once in awhile the dogs would play with them.

Maybe it’s just a slow learning curve with your SO. Stepping back from helping take care of his kids may speed up the process.

Oh and here’s a funny for you –

When DH then my BF started spending the night my dog wouldn’t let him into bed until I said it was okay. I thought it was funny, DH not so much. DH started talking about no dogs in bed blah, blah, blah…I set him straight though I told DH “Listen Fido and I have been together for 12 years and you and I have been together for less than a year, so technically Fido has more rights to my bed than you do.” DH just laughed and let it go.

~BettyRay
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"PROBLEMS ARE ONLY OPPORTUNITIES IN WORK CLOTHES."
-Henry Kaiser

I too plead the fifth...I am going to jump in a lake to save my amazing big yellow dog before I jump in to save ANYONE else...hahaha!

If you change his freaking 3 year olds diapers and make sure his 4 year old goes to the bathroom - he can take your dog out once or twice a day!!!

same here, skids or my pets (anybody's pets for that matter) the pets are getting saved first....... and only probably.....

wonder if you can get in trouble for that??

no shit, crayon!

I'm lucky when it comes to this. DH has 2 sons and I had a boy German Shep (who is my world). My dog is my baby and I told him that upfront. I got him with my ex-H who ended up abusing him at the end of the relationship (trust me Ex-h got his for kicking the dog....grrr!). As crazy as it sounds, I said I'm a package deal like you. I'm not giving my dog up b/c he doesnt go with YOUR rountine. I've never expected DH to take care of him and he's never expected me to care for his kids. It just happened. DH cares for the dog, he lets him out, feeds him, plays with him, etc. But I do the same for his kids. I refer to him as Daddy and my dog goes running straight to him. It's definately a joint effort!! My dog had to have surgery and we didnt have the money and DH looked at me and said we'll find the money and we did. He knows how much my dog means to me and I know how much his kids mean to him.

Yes they are pets but in my house, my pet is also my family. His kids love the dog, my DH loves the dog and I love them all!!

I made my BF read this! NO more of this it's your dog crap! He actually responded quite well, and acknowledged that his double standards are wrong, and they need to change. I love him, and YOU for posting this and making me rethink it!