Laziness or ??
Forums:
Does anyone else's child around age 6-7 years do nothing but lay in bed. Even without tv/tablet time? Like constantly just wants to lay around. We have a pool, trampoline, swingset with clubhouse and slide. And she doesn't even want to play with her toys. She'd rather just pout and lay in bed all day. I try all the time to get her to do something and she just won't.
Has this child been evaluated
Has this child been evaluated by a doctor? This is incredibly abnormal and should be addressed by a medical professional to ensure there is not something going on. If nothing physical, get the child evaluated for mental/emotional problems. If neither exist, personally, I would not allow this type of behavior- it is 100% unhealthy and if changes are not made, this will be a lifetime of problems.
She has been evaluated for
She has been evaluated for both and seen a counselor. They say she's 100% normal. So as a parent how to get her to play. We actually just had another doc apt last month and they don't seem to think a problem. But I can't entertain her 24/7. It's just not normal and I don't feel like doctors understand when I say when she comes home from school, gmas etc. She goes straight to bed.
My SS14 is this way, too. He
My SS14 is this way, too. He has absoltuely no idea how to occupy his own time- and relies on the adults in his life to do it for him (as that's easier than actually having to put energy/effort into your own life).
My SD7 will choose to lounge
My SD7 will choose to lounge on the couch and watch her tablet rather than go outside and play sometimes, but she doesn't lie in her bed and do nothing. I don't know any kids who do that, so it doesn't sound normal to me.
Want? Who gives a shit about what she wants?
She is 7. She doesn't get to choose to lie around doing nothing. She does what she is told.
Quit abdicating your status as THE adult and letting SD own you or anything about this situation.
Toss her ass in the pool. She can either swim or drown while pouting.
Figuratively of course.
Agree to a point
Not necessarily tossing her in a pool...but it's time to sign her up for activities. Many towns have local arts and crafts, or sports, or girl scouts, that can be done for minimal cost. Sign her up to get her moving and social.
It sounds like a minor case situational depression, probably just due to the forced chance in her circumstance with shared custody. So snap her out of it by taking her to activities to try.
Good luck.
We do all the art/craft
We do all the art/craft activities posted at library and what the town offers. She is always complaining or nothing is ever good enough. Most the time she's doing something it's she wants more.
Don't let her avoid you
Doesn't she have any friends?
is this normal behavior from
is this normal behavior from her? Assuming this is a stepkiddo, what are the parents doing to curb this on going temper tantrum. Maybe sign her up for an afternoon program and her making friends might solve part of the problem (and create a new one lol)
Signing her up for activities
Signing her up for activities is great. If it's just an EOWE type of situation.. that could be harder to manage but at least look into craft classes or something that may be one off things.
Also, are there other kids "available" for her to hang out with? That she knows? If not, do you have friends who could bring their kids over for her to host a play date?
What about church? a youth group or sunday school is a place she might meet people closer by.
I think it's not unusual for kids to be bored at the NCP's house because their neighborhood kids and school friends are often not close enough to see each other.
What pushing her teaches her about life
This is odd behavior for a 6 year old. When I was 4 went from an outgoing kid to a very withdrawn, shy kid after my older sister died of cancer. I was suddenly an only child, and my mom entered me in dance classes, acting classes, and pushed me to go to a friends house to play after school every other day. I remember feeling like it was really mean of her, and scary for me to be outside my comfort zone when I was grieving.
Looking back, I realize that I did get through it, and what it taught me about life was that life goes on. You can't hide in your bed every day because you are scared to walk outside - otherwise you never get better. If you push yourself, or your parents push you outside your comfort zone, it helps you realize that you can survive and thrive after a loss or trauma. I would fully support you putting her in some sort of after school program where she has to participate and learn something. She may hate you for it now, but she will be better off for it later.
Personally I would get a
Personally I would get a second opinion, between extreme tantrums and abject lethargy there is something going on here. Whether it’s SD's nature or something environmental contributing to it, I would not take "She's fine." for an answer. Remember these doctors and counselors don't live with you, they get a mere 10-20 minutes of time with the child. That does not convey the whole picture.
They don't really have any
They don't really have any school activities in the town for her age around here and what they have offered we have done we live in a small town. She does go to church group every week with other kids. I do have a close group of friends who has children around her age and they all play together at least once every two weeks we get together and most the time she's pouting. I think I might try and look into getting her into some type of dance or something in the next town. I don't want to give up on her but I am exhausted
My perspective is that setting and enforcing standards of
behavior and standards of performance is not giving up. Rather it is actually a foundation for parenting success and driving kid behavioral and life performance success. It also minimizes the emotional burden on you. She chooses to act inappropriately or against the standard, she chooses the consequence.
Make pouting a hill to die on behavioral standard, or more accurately, NO POUTING! No whining, no complaining, nope. She has used up those particular bank accounts and they should not be tolerated without immediate consequence.
Pout immediately gets her marched to a public but somewhat separate corner where she stands with her nose holding the intersecting walls together, with her pouting face out of sight from anyone else, until YOU get tired or the event is over. Next time... if she repeats the pout, she stands with her nose in the corner.
Lather.......... rinse.................... repeat.
I may have missed this. However, where is dad in all of this and why are you the one carrying this burden? Seemingly alone. Turn up the heat. If daddy takes exception on how you parent and discipline, he can step up and get it done before you have to or.... have your back until the two of you can discuss it in private. I had to have this talk with my bride when SS-29 was a a pre-teen. We aligned, and the Skid thrived when he knew that his mom and I were partners in parenting.
Limits
Set some limits. 'You lay around for a couple hrs but then you need to find something to do' Tell her she can only play inside if weather is crappy. We have to kick our kids out of the house or else they take the path of easiest resistance and lay around.