Everything HAS to be all about SD 7
Hey everyone! I guess I'll start out by saying I'm exhausted. I have been in my SD 7 life since she was 13 months old. Her mom passed away when she was 9 so there is no BM drama. I'm the only mom she knows. I'm having a hard time with her listening and respecting me and I don't understand why she just isn't getting it. Anytime she doesn't get her way she throws a horrible tantrum and I have two other kids and neither one of them have ever done this but example last night I asked her to clean her room because she had friends over and they destroyed her room and she kept coming up with every excuse to not clean her room and it's like well if you can mess it up you can clean it up and then she started crying so hard that she was trying to make herself hyperventilate. Anytime she doesn't get her way she throws this crying fit and I'm just over it this morning she didn't like the cereal that I made for her so instead of just telling me she throws a fit and starts throwing this temper tantrum over cereal. Her dad just doesn't seem to get why I'm so frustrated and it's like I have a 4 year old child who doesn't even act this way and no I'm not comparing Apples to Apples but I shouldn't have to deal with my middle child acting like a brat because she doesn't get her way. And there's no other mother influence that would contribute to her acting out towards me it's almost like her so conscious knows and she just chooses to disrespect me she doesn't do this to anybody else but me and to be honest it's made me contemplate my marriage and I have actually thought about leaving I have taken her to counseling for her behavior and nothing seems to be working she is just an out-of-control child and I don't want to live my life like this anymore. Who knows what she's going to throw a tantrum over when she gets home from school I'm already exhausted thinking about it.
What did the counselor say?
What did the counselor say about her behavior? It sounds very frustrating. Is your DH on board with whatever plan of action you two came up with to deal with her tantrums? You definitely need support from him for this to get better.
Basically the counselor doesn
Basically the counselor doesn't think there's anything wrong because of course every time she's there she's good it's really when she's around her siblings and or other kids she has the same behavior at school her teacher at the time is the one that suggested me to take her to a counselor
Web cams and recordings.
Give the therapist clarity by reviewing the footage at the next session.
Personality is partly
Personality is partly inherited. Plus if BM was a junkie or alchy when pregnant, that could have affected her brain.
I have three kids and my youngest had a psychopathic father. He was different since birth. He looked normal, but he was definitely special needs. He is almost 27 now, and has mostly outgrown his ADHD, but it was terrible when he was young.
What consequences are imposed
What consequences are imposed when SD doesn't listen to you or throws a tantrum? If my SD7 refused to clean up after she and her friends made a mess, she wouldn't be having friends over for a while. A big tantrum would land her in her room with no TV and no tablet. My DD2 occasionally will pitch a tantrum, and she is punished when she does. Even at 2 she understands that tantrums have consequences and it does seem to cut down on the number of tantrums.
I think some of it is personality. My SD7 has big emotions. She cries at the drop of a hat. Fortunately she doesn't have tantrums, but when she cries we send her to her room or another quiet place to get her emotions under control. She is just not good at controlling her emotions. SD9, on the other hand, almost never cries/cried, and DD2 cries waaaay less than SD7. It's just the way SD7 is built. I truly don't think she does it for attention, to get her way, to get out of trouble, etc. She just can't help herself. Maybe your SD has trouble controlling her emotions, and tantrums are the result. If you've imposed consequences/punishment and she still can't control herself, maybe a good therapist can help. I like the idea of recording the tantrums at home and showing the therapist, or having a teacher describe them for the therapist, if the current therapist can't imagine how the well behaved child before them does such a thing. Or try a new therapist.
What does your husband do about his daughter's tantrums and her refusal to listen to you? It's HIS child - perhaps you wouldn't find her so exhausting if he did some of the heavy lifting with her.
Walk away
When she throws a tantrum simply walk away. Take the power away from her.
Then it's when/then ie "when you've cleaned your room then you can join the family for dinner/watch tv, go outside to play" whatever it is she wants to do or is next for her to do.
With the cereal, she's 7 she can get her own or it's "This is what I have prepared for breakfast today, when your finished you can put your bowl in the sink. Kitchen closes in 30 mins (meaning they can't sit there and sulk for an hour) and there nothing else until Lunchtime" walk away.
look up positive parenting, it completely takes the madness out x
Isolate and ignore.
Yes, she is 7. Which is far more than old enough to know the difference between acceptable behavior and poor behavior. I agree with Carriem.