*I OWE MY MOTHER*

*1.* My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

*2.* My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

*3.* My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next
week!"

*4.* My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

*5.* My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

*6.* My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear,! in case you're in an accident."

*7.* My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.

*8.* My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

*9.* My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

*10.* My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

*11.* My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

*12.* My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

*13.* My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

*14.* My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

*15.* My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world that
don't have wonderful parents like you do."

*16.* My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

*17.* My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

*18. *My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that
way."

*19. *My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

*20.* My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

*21.* My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

*22.* My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

*23.* My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

*24.* My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

*25.* And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day! you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you "