Living Apart Together?
hiya (New here)
After 4 years dragged through family court (my partner - not me), emotional and behavioral problems with his kids, financial ruin, and stress like you could not believe... I had a nervous break down. His ex used that as a means to attack me when I was at my lowest and used her kids to betray me. She poisoned them against me and they were coached to say really hurtful things.
I finished things with my partner even though I loved him very much because my health couldn't handle all the stress and toxicity that came attached to him. I had to put my son's and my needs top of the priority list as his kids, his ex, his family was just a never ending draining situation that was slowly killing me.
He was unwilling to let what we had go so we started Living Apart together (LAT). He lives with me and then when he has his kids he lives with his family.
I am happier. My son is happier. My relationship has never been stronger. His kids are happier (they aren't drilled for information about what goes on or forced to spy on me anymore). His ex is happier since she got her way in not having the kids come to my home - which means she leaves my partner alone, so he is happier too (although, he dreams of not living a double life). I haven't seen his children for over a year and life is calm. My home is now a safe place to relax in.
Is anyone else successfully managing a LAT situation? It seems to have been what saved my relationship.
I can't help but feel sad sometimes because it is so unusual and would love to know I am not alone in this unique set up.
Hey you, yes I do it too.
Hey you, yes I do it too. You're not alone.
We're still finding our feet to get our arrangement to work. We are much happier, we don't fight unless MIL stirs the pot badly. I don't regret the steps we have taken to save our relationship. It's an unusual arrangement, our friends think it's strange but really it is working for us so far. It's only been 7-8 weeks since we started.
The in laws are the least understanding and the therapists are the most understanding
No but we had a poster on
No but we had a poster on here last week that said they live apart when he has kids and he comes to her house when he doesn't and that she wished they could all live together. I told her "WHAT?! Stay with the way it is! Because that is an ideal situation believe it or not! You are saving your sanity!"
Me too. SO and I have been
Me too. SO and I have been together for over 5 years and live separately. I'm not sure if it will be until all kids are aged out, since the youngest is only 11, but I will NOT live in the house he currently lives in, nor will I accept the way his kids treat other peoples' belongings. I have no kids so my tolerance is pretty low.
It has worked wonderfully for us. I see the kids once in a while and "our" weekends together are filled with fun and special adult time.
I think it's a great idea. I
I think it's a great idea. I don't currently but may have to adopt this arrangement in about 2 years. Not due to skids but other family issues. My only worry is that when I move out adult skids may feel free to set up camp!