Living in BM's old house

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I wanted to hear other people's stories about this. In the grand scheme of things it's not a big issue but I live in the house that BF and BM built together. When they split he bought her out. I have lived her for 5 years now and have been slowly trying to get her presence out of the house. This has caused problems. When she drops the kids off she makes snarky comments on how I changed the curtains or replaced something or other. She makes her feelings known to the kids so the boy specifically now has "sentimental" attachment to everything in the house and throws huge emotional fits when something is changed. This kid actually was hysterical when I painted an old picnic table that had started peeling because that table was his moms. The BM started crying a few years back when I took down the pictures of the family from the walls and distributed them to the kids for scrapbooks or to hang up. I left the pictures of just the kids up. I had left them up for 2 years so the kids could adjust, there is only so long I can look at her ugly mug staring at me from the walls before I have to do something. When she comes over she will read cards that are on the counter or ask if she can have things that have been in the house since she left because they were theirs before me. I have tried to be sympathetic and to put myself in her shoes but enough is enough, it's been 5 years, she has a new boyfriend her own home (which does not have any pictures of me up which I pointed out to her ). I think it's time to get over it. Am I being petty?

No, you're not being petty.

No, you're not being petty. In fact, I think you're being pretty darned nice. You still allow her to come into the house. I wouldn't.

I dont think youre being

I dont think youre being petty...but i dont think i would have accepted to live in the house my hubby built with his ex...when we got together we each broke our leases and got rid of all the old furniture...i told DH I refused to sleep where his child had been conceived...i dont know how you do it...so no youre not being petty...she is lucky she is allowed in the house...

I wanted to get a house

I wanted to get a house together that would be ours but he wanted to keep the house that his kids had known their whole lives since they were already dealing with so much change from the divorce. And he really loves the house & the acreage, this was his dream home, he designed it and we could never afford anything like it again. I did get rid of the bed and furniture though! As far as not letting her in the house I try to put on a smile for the kids, it's not worth upsetting them because I think she is Satan spawn. Wish she would just drop them at the door though, not sure why she insists on coming in, when I drop or pick up her kids I stay in the driveway.

SHe insists on coming in

SHe insists on coming in because she has attachment to the house. When my dh broke up, his ex got the house. No buy it, was given. She got everything.
But for years i would hear by dh complaining saying oh she is running down the house i built..etc..etc.. I said nothing at first but then after a while i said, 'get over it, you left her that house, if she watns to burn it down its hers! its not yours anymore. you need to let go of it. honestly look for the future and dont look back anymore'
I personally would not want ot live in ahouse from the previous marriage. But i can understand your dh loves it and doesn't want to leave But you will never rid biomom from it in the minds of her kids. Never. You can change all you want and they will just resent you and keep that resentment. Your husband has to sit them down consistantly to remind them its both ofyour house. Its not mommies. Mommy has a new place and Mom has to get over it like my dh did with his ole house.
Dont let them make you feel like the outsider. You stand your ground and your dh has to back you up.
Aer you going to have kids with your dh?

Thanks for the feedback. I'm

Thanks for the feedback. I'm not even sure I'm going to stay with DH, we're kind of on the rocks right now because of the kids etc. I want to have kids someday which is part of the reason I'm thinking of getting out. Don't want to raise them in this type of environment (Rotten Skids, crazy interfering BM etc) The house is really low on the list of issues right now, I was just wondering about other people's experiences with it & wondering if I had been firm in the beginning about not wanting to live in her house if things would be better. Que sera!

You may think the house is

You may think the house is "really low on the list of issues" but you are not aware of how significant it is to all of you. You are not aware of the effect it has had on the treatment you have received and the problems that have resulted. No matter what you do, it will never be your house. You will always be the interloper, never the woman of the house. You have moved into their turf. This aggrevates the kids subconscious and conscious resentment to you. It allows them to fantasize that all that needs to happen is for you to move out and they will have their house and dad back to themselves. It allows the ex to effectively keep "peeing in the corners". You will never have any authority in that home. You need to have YOUR OWN HOME. Even if it is a downgrade, your marriage is more important than bricks and mortar. By the way, take her picture down now.
Good luck

I would have kept her mug

I would have kept her mug shot up to throw darts at while everyone was away.

It is YOUR house!!!!!!! You can do whatever you want to it/ in it.

Why let her in? Make her wait outside, like I do thr BM. Screw that.

You should see the face on the ex BM here....ewwwww

Your DH doesn't realize that

Your DH doesn't realize that his insisting on keeping the house and leaving it the way it was just made the divorce recovery harder for the kids. You say they are hard to deal with and so is BM--well, that's because of his approach. He just slotted you into the vacant spot but it's not that simple. And the division of property should be long over enough of the "can i have that" routine. You should go through and totally redecorate, clean out all the old stuff (save it for the SKIDS or give it to the witch) but start fresh. This is YOUR house now. You are the WOMAN of the house and you rule.

If you are at divorce point, it's time for a counselor to discuss this all and see if you can salvage the relationship.

whoa. youre not being petty

whoa. youre not being petty at all, youre living in another woman's house, with another woman's decorating and another woman's family portraits on the wall!! if i were you, i would return everything that is the skids' mom's to their mom, decorate YOUR house to your liking and let them all deal with it.

"Life favors the risk taker."
EVASION

Whhaaaaat? You still let

Whhaaaaat? You still let her in the house? I would sell and move. There is no way I'd keep living there. It's hard on you and your marriage and it's hard on the kids. It makes no sense. You have been more than nice!!! Do not feel bad and NO you are NOT petty!

Whhaaaaat? You still let

yep. definitely a girl

yep. definitely a girl thing.

"Life favors the risk taker."
EVASION

I don't think the family

I don't think the family house should ever be kept. I am a product of divorce and it was better for everyone to move on. My DH is glad that he got rid of his house that he shared with his ex wife. On top of that, her crap should have been gone the instant she moved out and her pictures should have been removed immediately.

I get that it's his dream

I get that it's his dream house but keep in mind, that means it was THEIR dream house. That isn't fair to you.

It may not be practical to

It may not be practical to move in this economy. In a perfect world, I would have sold my house that my EH and I bought together and moved into a new house with DH when we married but that wouldn't have been smart financially (since the house is now worth less than what I owe!).

But EH is no longer welcome in my house because it's mine and DH's house now. NOT HIS! I tried to be nice in the beginning and invite him in (before DH and I were living together) but he would just use it to look around and criticize. So, no more! He doesn't get to see the inside.

It was hard at first to let DH come in and want to start changing things but I understand that he needs to make it his home too. I still don't let him change much because I like it the way it is but still... your DH needs to allow you to make the home yours (and his). And if BM doesn't like it? She can wait outside the front door!

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Living in BM's old house