The bond between a birth child and their parent is a bond you can never feel. I have been in SS's life for 7 1/2 years and I still don't feel a bond - most times I don't even like him. Whereas I would die for DD - I think most of it has to do with SS's BM but I will say DH does put me first and he realizes we need to be a united front. Tell your DH that your skids need him in a good and healthy relationship or how else will they learn how to be in one.

Oh my God, you are me. I am sure i just wrote your blog. I moved out yesterday for the exact same reason. I was always last place. I was resenting his kids because they are the be all and end all in his life. I was constantly furious and hurt that he would chose them over me. We have a baby together and he even would put his kids over our daughter because he hardly ever sees his kids... mind you he has them at least 40% of the time because she palms them off to him when it suits her yet she still gets CS for it. I was the one looking after them and i had had enough.

I fully believe that when you put your partner first you have a happy relationship, and along with the happy relationship you get happy children. and when you have happy children and happy skids you have a happy SM and happy DH.... do you see.

Now when you put your partner last, she is miserable therefore making DH miserable therefore making children miserable.

Happy wife = Happy Life

Plus i forgot to also mention that the kids grow up and move on, your partner is or should be there for life !!!!

Wow this really hit home for me. I feel the same as you actually. I am with a guy who has a son and he always puts him first. I have a reverse situation where the mother never wants her son while he (my guy) wants him as much as possible. We live together and yet I feel like I don't even exist when his son is around. He is only 3 so he demands a lot of attention right now but I need attention too!
With me being the one who doesn't have children of course believes I should come first because I don't personally know what it is like to have a child of my own. Perhaps someday when we choose to take that path and have a baby together I will understand his POV more clearly but for right now I feel like the partner and the children should have equal attention.
You deserve some alone time with him just as much as his child(ren) does. Doing things together as a "family" is very difficult in siuations like ours. If talking to him doesn't work and the councelor doesn't work then you need to ask yourself if all this is worth it? If your answer is yes then you need to next tell yourself that this will all be over in a few short years. Once the children become independent and don't want anything to do with the parents you will have more free time with your guy. You just have to have the patience to get there I suppose... easier said than done. I hate telling you this because I myself am having trouble waiting patiently for the year to come when SS can go off to school and give me some free time to spend with my SO but its all I've got.
Its a jealousy thing for me. my man is constantly hugging and kissing and playing with his son while all I get form him is orders to do this or that half the time. The only alone time or attention I get from my man is at night when were getting ready for bed and his son is asleep. Two hours a night isn't enough especially when I remind myself day after day that I could have chosen a different guy to fall in love with who doesn't have a child and who could give me the attention I need and deserve. Which all this leads yo to the question; is it all worth it?

I think it would be natural for you to feel resentment towards his kids if everytime they show up he shoves you to the side.

I can't say with absolute certainty that my DH puts me first, but I'd have to say I've never felt second. He has always made sure I was included and cared for by him. Our relationship and now marriage has always been important to him. We are a team, the parents of the house as far as the kids go and I think having that foundation has allowed me to form a bond with his kids. His kids know where their roles, they know our roles and everyone respects everyone, but I think that came from DH respecting me and demonstrating that respect every day as a model for the kids.

I think it would be very difficult to form a bond with any child whose presence in a sense led to feelings of your relationship being in jeopardy. But of course, it's not the kids fault. It's BF's and he probably has no clue.

I actually have a decent bond with my SK's but it's a combination of things leading to that - it's not going to automatically happen without some work and support on all ends.

Not trying to be cruel but sounds like you should make the split permanent and move on to someone who will respect you and your feelings.

I have known my skids for 3 years and I can honestly say that if hubby and I split or whatever, I would not care if I ever saw them again. I don't dislike them, but I just don't have any kind of bond with them. I am closer to a bunch of my friends children than I am with my own skids. who knows???

I don't have a bond with my SS10. He has been living with us for a year and nothing. You can't bond with someone that ANNOYS you 3/4 of the time. With Skids you just can't get rid of them. You can't walk away from them like you would with another annoying person.

DH's and SO's want you to love and take in their kids really bad, but the truth is for most of us on here is the BM screws them up so when they get to our house they are just annoying and vendictive and we want to run instead of give them a hug.

SO's and DW's are supposed to be first. I know it's hard when DH's and SO's feel guilty about not spending much time together, but if the SO and DW is not happy, that will trickle down to the kids. So you make your SO happy first then comes the kids.

I have been with my SD13 since she was 2 and have always felt like when she was around we always entertained her in a way; when she wasn't around we kind of did our own thing; watched TV together - typicall family time. My SD has since moved in with us FT and her and Dad have bumped heads and had talks... One thing he did actually admit to after 11 YEARS!!! was that when she came over her felt like he had to "make up for lost time" or amuse her; this is when I got pushed aside. It is almost like a guilt thing. But as for the bonding ~ as weird as it may sound; I really don't FEEl it??