losing my best local friend, heartbroken!
My bff that is local, the closest one I have here and I drifting apart. I am very saddened by her recent lifestyle changes and I do not wish to hear about any of it anymore. She cries to me asks me for advice, then does not take it. She has put herself first and thinks she is on spring break. She started multiple affairs some months back with strange men, now has feelings for one. They are leading a swingers lifestyle while she pretends to be happy at home and her husband is a nice guy. I guess he is catching on to her, they fight, their child cries etc. Typical heart wrenching end of marriage issues. It is not that I am so perfect or a judge, but DH and I do not swing, we do not want to, and we don't want to hear about it! It makes me sad. I am very disappointed in a friend I thought would be life long. I dont like lying or cheating. I dont need that negative stuff around me and dd. MY dd and her ds will miss each other for sure. And I know she will be a miserable BM very soon. No thanks! That is a show I dont need to see.....feeling very blue and burned out.
I have cut friends out of my
I have cut friends out of my life, when they have become too toxic and unhealthy for me..... It's not that I'm looking for friend perfection, it's just that you seem to get pulled into their crazy, and that ends up being never good IMHO.
I believe friendships are almost organic, in that they can grow, and deepen, but can also come to an end and die. I'm a really good judge of character, so I would say go with your instincts, everyone is different..... I sometimes look back on the good ol' times, but that's it, I'm relieved not to have that emotional chaos back in my life......
Emotional chaos is a good
Emotional chaos is a good word, Sweetnothings. I have facebook friends from my childhood and high school days, but I can't say any of them are good friends anymore. We're scattered all over the country. The one really good friend I did keep up with and try to see when I was in her town grew too toxic. She became ultra conservative and judgy. That is so not me, and my time with her just got to be stressful and exhausting.
It's ok to lose a friendship.
Whatever you choose, do not
Whatever you choose, do not beat yourself up over it. You have tried supporting your friend, and it sounds as if she is going through a difficult stage. Best friends can go through long periods of time when they are not necessarily communicating much,but in the end, theres still a chance you will "reunite". If it is negatively aqffecting you, disengaging a little could be necessary. Sometimes our closest relationships are toxic because we have so much emotion tied in. You may want to make yourself less and less available, but dont burn any bridges because Im sure she needs a friendly ear. Its stressful, but this stage in her life cant last forever.
Obviously her lifestyle has been toxic to herself. My bff has always gotten herself into predicaments. I think with her it is that her mother was mentally ill, would cause drama and turmoil, and my friend just knew how to cause and deal with drama. Some people cannot feel useful if they are not trying to fix something. A lot of times the situations are just unecessary. She was on a website for married couples who wanted a quiet sexual relationship outside their marriage. Horrible. Her marriage is falling apart, had an STD scare, and now says she "fell out of love". I made myself less available, and would try to shift focus off of those things. Especially when I was afraid of "guilt by association". Sorry, I cannot sit across from her and her current man and try to have a conversation with someone cheating on his wife. No boyfriend of mine has ever agreed to such a situation.
Have you told her how this is affecting you?
I am still a bit depressed
I am still a bit depressed about this and let down. I never knew her with out her husband, they were already together when I moved here. Her son is an adorable little guy that loves to play with my DD, so thats pretty sad. He has some social issues and a hard time making friends. But I can not help but wonder why he is not getting help? Oh right, because mom is a whore that is running off to participate in group sex parties she finds on a website with her new lover, that is why the child is not being helped. Her husband calls me looking for her, and I am just done with this mess. I don't need to bash her I just need to cut her off! No time! She is making a fat miserable bm for her hubbys next family to deal with that is for sure!