M-in-Law/Adult Steps
Ok, it's been a long time since I've posted, but the SK's & M in Law have raised their ugly heads yet again. MIL lives in the same town & is a very spry 97, yes, 97 & is probably going to outlive me! Routinely is nice to my face, but I know she maintains a relationship with the EX (who she hated when she was married to her "baby boy"!), so I am cautiously guarded in all that I say & do around her.
So..the 38 y.o. SD, husband & twin 5 y.o. boys are coming to visit in 3 weeks. They ALWAYS bring the EX along with them as they feel sooo sorry for her! wah wah! Anyway, I laid the law down to DH that I would not tolerate the EX coming to to our home (including town) to visit. I told him the kids are ADULTS & SHE doesn't need to come along for the ride. So about 10 days ago, we (DH, MIL & myself) were out to lunch & I asked MIL if the EX was coming. "Well, I don't know, but I'll find out, I know you are more comfortable when she isn't around"...like I'm the bad one in this situation. DH (can be used for any combo of words you like!) just sits there. Jerk!
So, later that evening I get a phone call from MIL saying "Well she isn't coming but she has been very, very, very (3 very's) sick & in the hospital, they don't know what is wrong!" Like I'm suppose to care or like she is trying to make me feel guilty about not wanting her to come. What???
Said there was probably something wrong with her stomach..I wanted to say "like cirrhosis from being a drunk?"
To compound the conversation we had at lunch, we got into the facts of the divorce i.e. the EX was running around on DH & no one but his oldest knows. The 2 that ALWAYS bring the EX don't know anything about their sleaze bag mother, but think DH was a a**hole & she was perfect. So I say, don't you think it's time they know the truth? They being the 38 & 42 y.o. SD & SS. MIL says "they can't handle the truth" (like Jack Nicholson!! LOL)...and so the fairy tale will continue. The whole thing makes me sick to my stomach. I had the scharade, I had the MIL who hated the EX but now feels sorry for her (??) & I hate DH for being a wimp!
UGHHHHHHHHH!!!
I just had to vent...what should I do?
Maybe a little vaca...
I think you need a little vacation of your own...at the same time they come! I know that's probably impossible though. I would send her some flowers in the hospital -- from you and you only. Not from MIL or DH. Try a little reverse-psychology.
She is out of the hospital &
She is out of the hospital & I have no idea where she lives...good idea about the flowers, but that she would take that as an invitation to my home! As far a the vacation when they come, if the EX shows...I'm out of here on DH's credit card!! Goin' on the road...
I don't blame you!
If DH's ex came her it would be one of two things. One she's staying and I'm going and filing the divorce papers at the same time or two, I'm kicking her ass!
It would be nice to kick her butt! My DH's ex was a cheater too but after she blamed the divorce on DH I told the skids the truth. It's not like the shouldn't have know. They knew their BM had men spending the night while DH was out of town during the marriage!
Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns
Forget about her.
Look, this woman is nothing to you and she's nothing to your DH. If she lives such a pitiful existence that she has to follow her adult children around for entertainment, then you should be feeling sorry for her, if anything. She's not a threat to you, at all. You can't keep her out of your town or off your street, but you do not have to allow her on your property. You have to get to the place where you can just roll your eyes at her sorry life instead of feeling angered by her existence.
Your MIL sounds like an interesting person. Think about it. She was born before women even had the right to vote, before the Titanic sunk. In her lifetime, she has seen SEVENTEEN different presidents take the oath of office. The woman is a walking history book. She's almost from another planet. Or like I say about people I don't get, "She's not from here." She's from another time. There's a huge generation gap and I'm sure that's why she says what she says the way she says it. All this touchy-feely promotion of good communication stuff didn't come about until she was already old and set in her ways. She's a freaking dinosaur!
The ex, you forget, because she really is nothing to you. The MIL, you humor and tolerate, because her kind is practically extinct and no, she will NOT outlive you. You gotta get back in touch with your funny bone. You just can't let people make you crazy. Life's too short (or too long, in some cases) to spend it being miserable.
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ANNE 8102 ♥ GEORGIA
Who?
I would ignore ex whenever she is brought up, like "who?" and simply tell DH ex is not coming to your house period. The rest you have no control over and she does sound really sad that that is her idea of a good time but. Not your problem and if the truth about divorce happened to slip out I think they are certainly old enough to handle it. But I am just rude like that.
I have been thinking lately that these 'secrets' we keep are really just protecting people who have done people very wrong and don't deserve to be protected from the consequences of that. I personally don't want any more 'secrets'! like that
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Thanx for all your great
Thanx for all your great comments. And yes, to reaffirm a previous comment, the EX does not have a life & that is WHY she tags along with the kids. So, I have "taken the high ground" and ignored the situation, I've been nice to her, etc, etc, but the nicer I am, the more "welcomed" she feels & it then gives the appearance that her continued visits are OKAY...and to me they just ARE NOT OK!!
So let me add some more fuel to my already existing fire. I come home after a 12 hour shift & DH (again, use your choice of words for these initials!) tells me "of, when Joey & Susie come (fake names), his middle son & gf", I said WHAT? When are they coming? "Well I told you (he didn't) they are coming when the kids come" i.e the SD, etal. Ok we live in a 3 bedroom condo, one room is an office & the other bedroom is now the haven for the lost & misplaced items of our life i.e. it is not inhabitable. Furthermore, my son was planning on coming to see his SS & kids, so he has dibs on the couch. Once again, they plan all these activities at my house & NOT ONE OF THEM EVER TALKS TO ME!! It is time that I left town during their visit for them to cook for themselves & clean up after themselves. I'm just so tired of being walked on...it's like I don't even exist...