Make a friend. Get a life.
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My SO's two younger kids are 14 and 16. They come over on weekends and do nothing but create a very weird, uncomfortable energy. Neither of them have friends they hang out with, like wtf... when I was that age, friends were my LIFE. It's so weird. They're just always lingering around and doing weird things like pacing. My blood boils and I just want to shake them into being normal. It's been 2 and a half years and there hasn't been a single time that either of them had a friend over, or went to go hang out with a friend somewhere else. Not once, ever. Weirdos. Ick.
Freinds
I think boys and girls can have freinds/define them differently. IMHO, girls have friends, and then decide what to do. As in Mary is my friend, Mary what do you want to do today. Boys decide what they want to do, like play softball, and then see who wants to play. IMHO, by the ages you are talking about, a lot of friendship activities are organized sports, do they participate in any?
No. The only hobbies either
No. The only hobbies either of them have are video games. They don't go outside. At all.
My SSs live far away most of
My SSs live far away most of the time and are here on EOWE. They get on great with my son (or rather BS11 and OSS12 get on great, YSS9 hangs out in the room with them). I have signed them up for rugby here so that they can make other friends. BS11 and OSS12 genuinely really enjoy each other's company, so no tsure how this will work, but I do want them know some other kids down here.
And would you rather they
And would you rather they bring other teens with them when they do their parenting weekends with Dad? Or maybe Dad spend his whole weekend chasing and running around dropping off and picking up his teens at their various friends?
Or maybe you'd prefer Dad buys them a vehicle and turns them loose with it (with the oldest driving and running the youngest around). Or maybe use just use Dad's vehicle all weekend?
Or maybe you're hoping the little weirdos just not come at all? They don't get much choice in the matter. They have a CO to follow until they become aged out. They don't get to make their own decisions.
Does your SO spend anytime going out and doing any activities with his two youngest. What's he doing while his two kids chill out like little blobs?
Absolutely! Bring other teens
Absolutely! Bring other teens over! Whatever keeps them from up dad's ass. And yes! Please do drop them off and pick them up all weekend to various activities! That would be WONDERFUL for them socially. Right now they're 100% isolated from the world besides school which isn't healthy. As for buying a vehicle, only one is old enough to drive but she can't because of a mental handicap. She will never drive a car. And no, there is no court order, there is only an agreement between the parents. Dad gets them on weekends.
I realize that I put this post in the wrong place. There are way more details and I need to do a blog. Writing a quick little complaint on the forums wasn't a good idea but I'm new here and I'm loving steptalk. There's a whole lot more to our story. Trust me, they are weird. Creepily weird.
Do you live close to their BM
Do you live close to their BM, such that their friends, if they have any, are nearby? If not, is their father trying to facilitate their friendships, or getting them involved in activities near your house? Unfortunately, not all kids have friends. It's unusual, but doesn't make them weirdos. Or maybe they have friends but their friends have visitation with a NCP elsewhere, or have other activities. Have you or their father talked to them about it?
Yes, BM lives very close by.
Yes, BM lives very close by. They've lived in the same place all their lives, in the same tiny town where dad and I live. From what I understand, there are simply no friends. I just don't understand it. Ages 14-16 there was nothing more important than your friends and peers in my day. It's hard to believe that's changed.
Unfortunately no, I haven't seen Dad try to encourage friendships. :-/
We just booted the kid out
We just booted the kid out the door for a few hours most days and longer on weekends. We didn’t care what he did he just couldn’t sit on his butt inside and play video games.
We also had him in little league, swim team, band and in middle school and HS he played football. Not well, but he played. His Jr and Sr year he was on the Military Drill team.
As soon as he finished HS he went couch potato. 10mos later he reported for USAF BMT And he has been very fit ever since.
Great Activities
Rags, those are all great activities. However, if OP's DH only has kid every other weekend, it can be tough, but I agree with you her DH should try.
I LOVE the sound of that. I
I LOVE the sound of that. I wish their dad would do something like that but he babies the hell out of them. He thinks they'll disappear or something if they go outside. He doesn't disallow them to go out but he doesn't encourage it either. I hate to say it but my SO is a whimp and so are 3 out of 4 of his kids.
My skids don’t have friends
My skids don’t have friends either. That is because both of them have poor social skills. They have asperger qualities. I’ve seen how kids react to them. Even DDs friends who don’t know our history have an instant negative reaction to them. My own friends have commented that skids seem off socially. The asperger (asd) gene seems to come from DHs moms side. DH also has social awkwardness.
I was super antisocial as a
I was super antisocial as a kid. I was awkward, and I would rather watch tv all day. When my step mom came into our lives, I remember my dad demanding I make friends. LIke I had to set up at least one play date a weekend when I was at his house, and I had assignments where I had to get phone numbers of friends to invite them over (which I was rewarded for, or punished if I didn't do). It was a total odd way to handle it, but I think my step mom pointed out to my dad that I needed friends.
A few years later it all paid off. I had tons of friends, was always running around with them, and it got me out of my step mom's hair. It actually went the other way where I was gone so much my dad had to make me come home to make sure my homework was done. Maybe point out to your SO that friends are essential in the development of a child, and maybe get them involved in sports, or clubs at school, or set up play dates with neighborhood kids?