...It is amazing how your spouse cannot respect your boundaries when it comes to your involvement with their children. For example, I have been telling my husb since before his daughter came to live with us, unexpectedly, full-time that I will not be involved with any responsibilities regarding her. I told him that she is solely his responsibility and that I will not be forced into assuming the "mother/stepmother" role. I explained that I will help him with her when and how I choose. I also explained that it is her mother that should be listed on the paperwork for emergency contact, etc for school. I had to explain to him once again in the presence of his daughter (13yr) that I am not the emergency contact. That her BM's name and information should be placed on the paperwork. Now my husb knows how serious I am about not being entangled in the particulars of his daughter but felt he was going to force me into being involved regardless of how I felt. This in turn totally pissed me off. I told him since he had 50/50 with her mother, I want something in writing from her stating that I have her permission to talk with the school and pick their daughter up from school in case of an emergency in my husb's absence. I can almost guarantee that BM will not do it. I do not want any legal BS so I am requiring him to get BM's written permission. SD13 was a little sad but it is not about her it is about protecting myself. I feel like in my home it is two against one including his family and that I am alone. I have disengaged but not in a negative way. I still interact with my SD but I refused to get caught up in some of the hell that I have read about from other stepmothers on this site. Unfortunately, I have developed an attitude that my marriage my not last due to the extra stress that having a full-time stepkid in the house brings and I want to protect myself legally in every possible way I can. What is some helpful, not judgmental advice you all can offer me?

Additional note: This school issue is just one of the issues that I have been trying to combat since SD have arrived. I have constantly being fighting my husb to be a parent to his child and not to expect or rely on me to do his job! Hence, my disengagment.