Monster In Law - need advice
Hi, I am writing this for some advice on how to deal with my intrusive mother in law. She has not liked me since the day my step son came to live with my husband and I full time 6 years ago. Before that - I couldn't set a foot wrong!
My step son and I have never really gotten along that well from the start. He has always rejected me as a motherly figure and goes against the grain with whatever I ask him to do. Anyway - that is another huge topic.
My MIL and I have had several run ins over the years and she has managed to turn Deans brothers against me since then. Dean and I have never had much to do with them really and dean always said his mates were his brothers. We moved to Mackay last April to be closer to my family who love spending time with the kids, (which was a long way away from them). They didn't talk to us for 6 months after that and "forgot" to ring or send our son a birthday card in that time. But when asked if they had a problem with us moving she denied it and went off about me having a problem because they gave my step son a computer before we left (they said no one else was allowed to use it and put a password on it so no one else could get onto it). Since then I have found out that she has been calling my husbands ex (who is my step sons mum) and complains about various things to her about me. When they were together she hated the ex too but now, she is can't do a thing wrong.
Anyway - since "making up" last September she has been to visit 4 times for at least a week each time. it is driving me crazy. She starts off with good intentions when she arrives but she can't help but be rude to me after about a day of being here. She can't stand me being the mother figure in her house and I feel like she is trying to push me out. Almost like she is telling me "Yeah thanks for watching the kids and my son while I have been away but I'm here and I am more important in their lives so you can step down and pretend to be part of the furniture while I am here" I absolutley cannot stand this woman. She insinuates that I take or hide things from her all the time - then she finds them and no apology or anything. (i'm sure shes got alzheimers) She makes me feel guilty for cooking carbohydrates for dinner as I do every night for the growing family - because she is on a diet. She thinks I am doing it on purpose to piss her off. I actually cook with potato, pasta or rice almost every night.
Oh and shes 63 this year had 2 lots of plastic surgery, and dresses like she's 18. Talk about mutton dressed as lamb. Its like she tries to compete with me on a physical level as well. She always has digs about me only breastfeeding my daughter to keep slim. (???????) She is so wacked in the head.
Now all of a sudden since we have moved here she is a professional fisherman. She has to go fishing with my husband once every second day - which I am sure is to get away from me (i like fishing too but someone has to stay with the kids).
I CAN'T STAND THIS WOMAN - SHE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY - WHAT CAN I DO?
Good idea
Thanks for the tip - re packaged salad. yes i frequently ask myself what I have done wrong to deserve such a cow of a MIL. She even told my mum when she was here last that she loves stirring people up - she gets a buzz out of it.
Wow....Are we related??? I
Wow....Are we related??? I can relate to alot of what you said and my Dh's brother's name is Dean..(though I call him "little hitler" or "the weasle" ...LOL) I have dealt with ALL my in laws treated my bio daughters from my first marriage and even mine and Dh's son like they do not even exist..
They have never acknowledged my daughters birthdays at all, but they also ignore our son's birthday..His parents said they "got busy and forgot" our son's (their own grandsons) first birthday..They would NEVER "get busy and forget" the golden childs birthday!!.Needless to say, they would turn "The Golden Child's" (my sd's) birthday into a national holiday if they could..
My in laws have always treated all of the children in our household that came from my birth canal like complete and utter garbage. And they worship the Golden Child to an obbssessive and unhealthy point for her and for them...Hence they have a relationship with none of our children at all...
It's sad that his family would rather favor one of the children in our home then get to be an active part of that childs life..I raise my SD 24/7/365 and our rule is that what you do for one child you do for all or you do for none of them..We will not tolerate favorites or "special treatment" towards one child over the other.
The "monster-in-law" disrespected me in my house ONCE...I threw her ass out and she has never been welcome back. Period..
Good luck, I understand all to well how hard it can be to have in laws from hell.
Hey you did have it good
Really I would limit the visits, afterall you are pretty far away. A week would kill me personally but next time she calls you for her hotel stay, tell her you guys have plans and are pretty busy. We've had to do that with relatives because we live in a resort area. Give her a date apx. 6 mths later and tell her that would be fine, then at least you could keep it to once a year. Or I did this one time, put her off and say you guys are "thinking" about comming back and you'll let her know. Just keep putting that off, and then tell her you can't with your jobs and make a plan for 6 mths later. We've also told inlaws that we would be out of town, so do what you have to do.
The sea hag and convict stay in a hotel..
micky gave some great advice..
In fact, before we moved to Germany from Washington the sea hag and the convict (Dh's parents) came to "visit" twice I think..They stayed in a hotel room, where HE could go visit THEM. They were not coming to see me and I certainly wasn't looking forward to having them come "visit"..Nor did I have any intention of playing nice with the sea hag in my own home...
Let DH explain to his mother why she needs to stay at a hotel. Not your mom, not your responsibility to explain to her.