I "eloped" for my wedding to my ex and my sister and mom were there. So I get the thinking. But I wished that my mom were as vocal as yours because it might have stopped me from making the mistake I made. She knew something wasn't right, but followed the "as long as you're happy" idea. Yes, I was in my late 20s, but still needed that input (clearly wasn't seeing straight). Your mom is doing what good moms do. She might be wrong, but she wants to protect you. It doesn't matter how old kids get, moms are still moms. Don't do anything you would regret if she were to die the next day. So you will have to take the high road and love her despite the hurtful things she does. Send her a card. If you can't stomach a phone call, a card should be enough. She might need some time to accept your decision, or she may not ever. You can be her daughter without her accepting your husband. It's sort of like sparents not accepting skids, isn't it?

No matter how old you are, parents don't want to see you hurt. If the man you love is the source of your pain, then it's only natural that your parents will view him in a negative light.

Sure we get to make our own decisions, but that doesn't mean our parents will share in that happiness. Even if they say/do the right things, that doesn't mean they aren't giving their new son in law the side eye. Chances are they want to kick him square in the ass for not protecting you from their bratty kids and crazy exwife.

I have the same relationship with every member of my family. No one calls, text or comes to see me. I have to put forth all the work.

I'm done with that. I didn't call either of my brothers or my mom on their birthdays last month and I don't plan to call my mom on Mother's Day. SO and I got engaged about two months ago and I haven't told her yet because she doesn't like SO or the Skids even though she has only met the for less than 5 minutes.

When I was calling my mom she would only talk about herself too and never asked about my life. I'm done chasing after people who don't really like me and only pretend to be apart of my life when I make the effort and it's all about them.

I don't know what advices to give you. You can contact your mom and try to explain why her actions hurt you but it doesn't sound like she is going to be receptive or you can live your life without her drama.

It seems as though your Mom/family have only heard negatives about your partner/spouse - why would it surprise you that there is little enthusiasm towards your union?

I can see why you're hurt - it's hard not to have your parents' support, hard when they're not happy for you. But.... I can see where your mom is coming from. She's never met the man, you said, and you basically used to complain about him all the time. So her view of him is pretty skewed.

Let me tell you about my story, which would be sort of from your mom's perspective. My SD is 18. She just got married. No one in her entire family was invited. Her H is mentally abusive, and works hard to isolate her from her family, with a fair degree of success. I believe it's only a matter of time before he becomes physically abusive (he has a prior conviction for domestic assault from a previous GF). There is nothing we can do. She's an adult, she "loves" him, and she's allowing him (for now) to control her. She KNOWS we don't like him, although we've never said so. She knows we don't approve. And yes, it's made the relationship a bit strained. I've actually hidden her feeds on FB (not defriended her) because it's too painful to read. We can't - CANNOT - pretend that we think she's made a good choice. She hasn't. On the flip side, she also knows we love her. She knows that we will always be 100% on her side. She knows that if (when) it does all go to hell that she has someone to call, any time.

Now, I AM NOT saying your DH is an abuser! But I'm telling you that if you told your mom about the problems you were having with this guy, and she has never met him to make any sort of impression of him, that she's formed a picture in her head of a guy who's no good for you, who WILL, eventually, hurt you. And there's nothing she can do about it. That's really hard for a parent to watch. All she can do is what she's been doing - keep things cordial, be polite, and wait for the trainwreck.

So, assuming that your DH isn't the horror that my SD's H is, here's what you do. Yes, keep in touch with your mom. Send her a card on Mother's Day. Text her funny stories about her grandkids. If you talk to her on the phone, talk about work, the kids, maybe throw in ONE story that shows your DH in a good light. If possible, take one of those issues you told her about before you got married and show how your DH has fixed it. It's going to take time, and you may never fix the "first impression" you gave her of your DH, but the more you can SHOW (not tell) her that he makes you happy, the better your chances.

I would probably send her a card but it would be more of a humorous one, rather than a mushy, sentimental one. But if you truly don't want to, that is your choice.

I do kind of understand where she is coming from but to completely ignore you is a little over the top.

My DH and I do not approve of my SD's boyfriend but my DH still talks to her like he did before. He is not going to punish her by cutting her out of his life just because of the boyfriend.

My advice is be the person you expect yourself to be and want to be. If you want to think of yourself as gracious and magnanimous then treat Mother's Day like you normally would. Let the recent wound die on its own. If it will.

Having said that, I can tell you that I wanted to be the kind of person who did not call the police on her own mother. But I got over it. Eventually. Now all I want to be is the kind of person who never has to see her or have her know where I live ever again. Working hard on maintaining that goal.

But if your mother isn't that bad and she is still important to you in some way, stop thinking you'll ever get her approval and drop your expectations. Just let the drama float past in the backstream like vapor from a steam engine. Charge forward with your happy engine. She can thank you for your flowers you send or she can throw them in the trash -- you don't care. You sent them to be the person you wanted to be.

I would mail her a card, take a second to call and be done. What mom does not acknowledge her daughter's 50th b-day? I would have been the one planning the party!

I have always tried to take the high road because I felt better about me. I have had my issues with my mom and some days it is really hard but I think of it this way. My family dies of heart attacks by 62. My mom is now 65. Her days could be numbered and I will do what I feel I should do so I will have no regrets when that day comes. It really is about me, my feelings, and my future. Karma already hit my mom smack in the face. i do not need to rub it in.

If your mom is vile and not giving of the love she should have for her child and makes it all about her then turn away. Do what you feel in your heart is right for you.

Congrats on your wedding!

She sounds like a narcissist. As does your brother & sister--or at the very least, their orbit your mom so they don't become her target. Sheesh! Send mom a card for Mother's Day, and for her birthday, if she doesn't shape up. And, if it would be of interest to you, check out "Will I Ever Be Good Enough" by Dr. Karyl McBride, which is a book for daughters of narcissist mothers.

Congrats on your marriage and your 50th!! Don't let your family pull you off that cloud you're on!