My sister won't accept SS
Hi all,
I've been with my BF for nearly 2 years now, living together for 1, SS10 comes to stay every other weekend & generally things are ticking along not too badly. However, my sister who has 2 sons of her own and one of my brothers (no kids) want absolutely nothing to do with my newly enlarged family. My parents are making a real effort to include SS in plans, but I'm dreading Christmas (sorry to mention it when it's ony just October) as the first discussions of who's going where this year have started. Me & BF are due to have SS10 for Christmas Day itself this year, and normally I think my parents would be fine with us going round there, however my sister is making noises about coming down to them for Christmas, but has refused to let her sons meet SS10 so far.
Has anyone else had problems with their family not accepting stepchildren? I'm tempted to say that the three of us will have are own family Christmas & sod the lot of them!
Storm
I don't know the dynamics of
I don't know the dynamics of your family, but we have a somewhat similar situation in ours. My brother has 3 bio children. 2 with one woman and 1 with his current SO. His SO, who he has been with for 9 years had a son prior to their relationship. This boy was such a polite respectful young man and we all took to him instantly. However, for some reason that was not enough for his mother. She always felt he was being slighted in some way and my brother would take up the battle even when there was no war.
It got to the point that my brother would force this kid on us all the time. Some of the other kids have special relationships with their cousins, but he would never allow them to do anything without his son. The kids even began to hate him.
Fast forward to now. The boy 14 and is a manipulative little weasle. If he wants something he cries that no one in the family pays attention to him like the do the other kids or he is being left out. He works the situation so everyone feels uncomfortable. My parents have allowed this boy to manipulate them in order to keep the peace. I don't. I don't go out of my way to exclude him, but I don't go out of my way to include him either.
This is actually my brother's fault, and I do feel sorry for the kid because he has been taught that these tactics work. However, when my brother starts that crap with me, threatening to go home if I don't force his bratty skid down my kids' throat I tell him there's the door, don't let it hit ya where the good lord split ya.
Thanks for all the replies
Thanks for all the replies guys.
It's getting to the ridiculous point with me where I'm now not seeing my nephews much because I resent having to fit around my sister's family whilst they ignore mine.
The dynamic between me & her has been strained somewhat for the last few years anyway - I feel that she's changed beyond all recognition since having kids, and that she's completely caught up in trying to project the image of a 'perfect' mother. As SS is only a year older than her eldest son I actually thought it might bring us a bit closer together as we could talk honestly about the trials & tribulations of 8-9 year old boys, but the last couple of times I've seen her if I've mentioned SS she kinda makes a 'hmmm' sound & changes the subject.
I know that accepting another child into the wider family is a big deal, and not something to be taken lightly, but I'm wondering at what point me & OH will be considered permanent enough to do so?
I should add that in the past my sister has made comments to me about me not being maternal or good with children (grr!) so I'm wondering if it's also to do with her having to give up the fact that alot of family stuff currently revolves around her & her family as she's the only one to have kids so far.