Need advice.
So I have a question and am in need of some advice. This is my first time on this site and am hoping someone maybe able to help me out. So, I have been in an relationship with my wife for four years and been married for two of them. She has a daughter named Madison whom I met at the beginning of her mothers and mines relationship. After we got married I legally adopted her and changed Madison's last name to mine, which she had no troubles with. My problem however is she never says my name, nor calls me dad, nor gives me a nickname to even acknowledge me. She just kinda starts talking to me or says look to grab my attention. It saddens me because now I have a daughter who is now one and is in the stages of absorbing things like a sponge and I don't want her growing up and not calling me daddy because her sister does not. Please can someone out there please help me out on how to make it easy for my step-daughter to call me dad or even a nickname? I've tried everything possible from ignoring to talking to her about it and told her there is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. Please help!
Unfortunately she doesn't
Unfortunately she doesn't acknowledge anyone by their name, except her mom and immediate family like her grandmother and aunt and what not. She doesn't say her friends names when at school, but she will say them at home.
Could this be a form of
Could this be a form of mutism? I saw a programme about it a couple of weeks ago, might be worth looking online, just a thought.
I've tried the whole straight
I've tried the whole straight forward approach before, everyone on my wife's half of the family has. She usually comes up with some bizarre answer like "I haven't known "him" since birth." she's about to be ten in June and it's been this way for the past four years. I know patience is a virtue and all, but there comes a point were I feel like it may never happen and it breaks my heart. Her biological father wants nothing to do with her and I have stepped up to the plate to be the "father figure" so to speak. What's crazy is when I put her to sleep and after her mon tucks her in she will say good night daddy, but she won't say it to my face like she is scared of somethin. I love her very much as if she was my kid from the start and always refer to her as my daughter. I don't know, apart of me says it shouldn't bother me, but another part says its not fair.
I can actually relate to what
I acquired a step-dad at the age of 15. Not quite the same situation as your daughter but still. He was (is) a great guy, I really liked and respected him. But I also still loved my dad, and had a feeling of loyalty to him (regardless of the fact that he was a deadbeat etc)
I found it very difficult to know how or what to address my step-father by. I just wasn't comfortable for a very long time calling him by his name (Dad was never on the table) So for many years I just avoided addressing him as anything - just like your daughter.
She may not even have the loyalty issue to deal with but is still coming to terms with exactly what your title is in her life, and while it is hard for you as you have taken her on and love her and want to be dad, you need to let her find her comfort zone about this in her own time.
Or - find some funny, silly thing she can call you and make a big joke of getting her to call you that. Then it can be something between the two of you that is new? Just don't pressure her about it.
She may be afraid that if you
She may be afraid that if you become her "real" daddy, you won't want her like her other daddy didn't want her. maybe it's all about her feeling insecure and afraid to lose you if she loves you.
Just a thought...
I know EXACTLY how you feel.
I know EXACTLY how you feel. My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married 5 any my step-son (who i've considered my own since day one)has lives with us. His BM is not in the picture, but he does not call me mom. ALthough my husband and I have never made it an issue to where he HAD to call me mom and I should be greatful that he does call me by my name and he does call me mom to friends, teachers, etc. However, it does make me sad that he doesnt call me mom to my face, especially after his father and I being together for so long.
I haven't read all the
I haven't read all the replies so I hope this isn't a repeat.
The Pop-Psychologist in me tells me that you're simply not a member of the family in her eyes or heart. It seems only blood relatives count in her world. Probably this comes from having her father abandon her which I assume he did as your adoption would not have been possible without his permission or proveable absence.
Having a father deliberately sign away parental rights would seem to be devistating to a child of a certain age. "I'm just a throw-away". Walking out would be pretty much the same.
Anyway I don't see anything you can do. You certainly can't force her. I would just let it be as long as it isn't insulting like one of the replies mentioned. If that happens the Mother - not you - should respond with a devistating consequence.
Meanwhile I can see ignoring her if you don't like the name or reference she is using and after she repeats it look up and ask if she's talking to you. Then suggest a name.
Hopefully when the youngest
Hopefully when the youngest child starts to call you dad, she will get a little jealous and jump on in there and call you dad as well. I wouldn't worry about the younger one, since birth I am sure mom and you have been calling yourself dad to her ie: go to daddy when mom hands her over to you and little things like that, so this younger child will automatically you daddy. However if you have adopted this child, then she is YOUR child, not your stepdaughter so hopelfully you will stop calling her that. She is your adopted daughter.