Need advice, rant and everything else to reclaim my sanity
Im new and unsure if this is posting in the wrong place, but here I go...
So my stepson, he is spoiled rotten by my spouse and it drives me insane. Im 23, young, but (normally) love kids. His biological parent, my spouse is 26. He gets so spoiled I cant handle it. Example, this morning my spouse put him in jeans for school and he bawled and screamed so hard he was coughing and a vein popped out the side of his head. Mind you he is 5. I ended up making him put his shirt on. I took his nintendo ds away and whats my spouse do? Gives him a dollar to buy a snack at school! I bought myself an xbox360, sure immature of me, but im originally from america and I moved to australia for my spouse and I can talk to my family through the kinect. Spouse said if I dont let him play it, which I do, theyll go buy him his own. Hes 5 has a wii, ds, and play station with a 32in tv in his room. About once a month he tells me to move back to america bc I tell him not to talk to his parents like how he does. His father isnt even in the picture, wants nithing to do with him so I do feel bad and I am nice, but my spouse says im a bad step parent bc I dont baby him and kiss his butt. Hes always comparing himself to his cousins, saying hes better. Im literally and honestly EMBARRASSED to call him mystep son. Im scared for him to meet my family. Ive asked my spouse to "tame" the spoiling and we argue over it atleast once a week. He refuses to eat a home cooked meal. The onky thing he wants (and usually receives) is mcdonalds, kfc or hungryjacks/burger king.. He wont eat breakfast unless its a hashbrown from fast food and takes school lunches that consist of fruit roll ups, fruit, rice krispe bars and fruit gummies with a sandwhich and he only eats the fruit roll up and gummies. All the sugary stuff. Spouse will buy apple juice and I cant even have a glass bc its his, but my brother in law(lives with us) drinks it. Im the only one that gets yelled at. Spouse treats me more of a kid than him.
Somebody please help me??!!
Any
Advice?
thanks for the fast reply,
Hey BABe....Me too...except
Hey BABe....Me too...except Im on the other side of the world and wanna know...how did you get to live in OZ and i gotta live here in USA? not fair
This child is being way tooo much....you are not a child psychologist! This child is acting as if he has a real psychological disorder...
Explain and research how food can have a serious effect on childs behaviour...
My youngest goes crazy if he has too much sugar...
The kids growing, and his bones need certain nurtritional qualities that are found in meat vegies fruit etc...if you do not give your child these things...you can be fined by the australian child welfare police of the state you are in for NEGLECT....simple as that.... especially if the childs behaviour is damaging...
My mother used to always say...if you cant look after and control your kids at 2 or 5...you will have no hope at 14...so
get out now...or make SO take some parenting classes.....this isnt normal for ozzie kids...they ARE usually well behaved and do as their told as their parents are a lot stricter in oz than here in usa....generally...
Your mom was a smart lady! I
Your mom was a smart lady! I tell my dh husband all the time that if we do not gain control and respect while his bd is young (5) it will be impossible to get when she's 15.
I believe kids need boundaries and discipline. Matter of fact I think it makes them happier(in some convoluted sense). They know what to expect. They know that you care enough to have their best interests, and they know you are trying to do the best you can by them. They may not be happy at the time, but eventually they will learn.
My heart breaks at reading your story. You seem like a good man who is severely being taken advantage of. At bare minimum your so should demand this kid respect you, not only because you are sd, but because you are an ADULT. I would be appalled if my sd5 spoke cross to my parents, my dh, etc. They are children and must learn to mind their manners, otherwise you'll have a heathen.
Please, let your so know you love her, and want to build a relationship with your sd, but with his attitude it is impossible at this time. This sd may end up ruining your marriage if she doesn't start demanding respect from her bratty kid. she is doing him no favors by enabling him to be an Arse.
I actually know a guy who
I actually know a guy who left his marriage due to the step sons bad behaviour....
This grown 17 yo step son was arguing with his mother and in the end the step son hit his biological mother....so my friend then punched the 17 yo step son.
The mother took the sons side and so the inevitable occured....my friend walked out of that relationship realising right there and then....this will not work...
He still loves his ex wife...but realises he cannot live with a child that is that fucked up. And who can....???
This child is 5...so hopefully you can fix the bad behaviour and useless parenting before its too late....
Good luck
Oh, to make it worse, when he
Oh, to make it worse, when he tells me to move home to america I usually go in our bedroom or take a walk/run and my spouse tells me that im over reacting and when SS asks her whats wrong spouse tells SS I hate him!!
I dont hatehim in anyway. I just hate how he acts when spouse is around and what he says to me.
She sound extremely selfish
She sound extremely selfish and inmature. She has tons of growing up to do. Saying, "because he hates you." is a passive-aggressive move. It's a move that says, I'll get you if you mess with me. She is controlling the whole situation. There's ZERO regard for you feeling whatsoever! Kid is King! She has made it clear. Good luck, but I don't see this changing. One things for sure, IF YOU KEEP DOING THE SAME THING, YOU WILL GET THE SAME RESULTS!!!
Koo-koo is a perfect
Koo-koo is a perfect description. Couldn't put my finger on the right word.
She wasnt like this before
She wasnt like this before though..i dont underatand it and maybe im crazy for fighting for her, but I did say "for better or for worse"
So I thought id be sneaky last night and put nithing but fruit, veggis and a healthy sandwhich in his lunchbox. Still gave him "sugary" treats, but only 1. Im gonna get yelled at, but ohwell I thinj its funny.
Maybe I was raised too strictly (coming from farm capital of the world Iowa, usa) but I think it is completely out of comtrol about how naughty he acts and stills receives. All I know is he knows he cant get away with anything by me. My wife even uses me (sd) as a threat when he doesnt listen. I told her when he hits 14 to not cry to me when hes out of control
Dont get me wrong though, he is a great kid, he reallh is! His mom just misguides him and it makes me sad.. Nothing in life is EVER handed to you like he thinks it is.. Its not his fault hes like this. He and I get along so well when wifey is at work. He uses manners, laughs, is actually NICE.. Its when his mom and grandma are around...
As for my wife being unstable, yea ive wondered that after she said that, but it doesnt make me not love her. Pushed away, yes, but not love..
And I moved to australia for her (leaving a family of like 30 ... At least thats hiw many shiw up on thanksgiving and Xmas) so her son could stay by her parents. I felt guilty ask her to move a young child across the world.. Maybe when hes older we'll go there, but for now its here..
Thanjs for all the feedback
You have to come to a common
You have to come to a common ground with your spouse otherwise it won't work. I had a similar situation with my SD. Spoiled to the max and everytime I would say something, I was jealous. I said enough is enough and we held off planning our wedding. He finally came down to my earth. We still have issues with parenting my SD but we are having conflicts regarding punishments.
Yeah I doubt ill get
Yeah I doubt ill get anywhere. He litterally screamed ifrom his bed for the last hr bc he wanted a "snack" I went in twice telling him nkw, she went in with a sugary "fruit bar"
this boy is so spoiled hes rotten. Manipulating and just a brat
Have you tried couples
Have you tried couples therapy before? Is it normal for couples to do this and will it make my spouse even worse? I love her so much im willing to do whatever..
I commend you for your
I commend you for your sustained effort and willingness to "do whatever"....but I've got to just give my advice having been in a similar situation. Whimsey6 is right, you're a stranger in your home. Unless you honestly think that you'll change your own way of thinking and what should be done about your SS, then you should seriously consider moving on. Your wife will NEVER change her ways. And the fact that she got you to move across the country because of HER family, means they're all on her side no matter the issue. You've got a big uphill battle if you're going to try and stick it out with this.
Think especially hard if you two are even considering having kids together. If she's doing this with her kid now, what makes you think she'll change her parenting ways for the next one? Honestly, I know what you're going through and you really need to look out for yourself right now, especially if you don't have your own kids yet. Don't sacrifice everything about who you are to try and keep her or her son happy....you'll be the one in the end that is left unhappy and unfulfilled.
Thanks so much everybody for
Thanks so much everybody for their advice. It means a lot. I told her I wanted to talk about something and im gonna tell her how I deel one last time. If it goes bad im goin back to america.