New and need to vent.
Today was youngest SD 9th birthday. My husband and I got into a huge fight because I told him that he should have gone to see her since she is an hour away but he said that BM wouldn't let him. I hate having to work over 50 hours a week to pay our bills and then CS on top for him to not have anything to do with her. When we first got together we had her avery other weekend and things were fine. When we got married BM got upset and moved out of state. Stupid husband goes to a bank with her and signs some papers allowing her agreeing that she will receive less CS. The papers I later read left much to the imagination. I later confirmed my suspicions of them, when after SD last summer & Christmas visits she was not acting the same and saying that she did not like me and the baby I was having and wanted her parents back together. My husband tried to start calling her more and BM said that if he did not stop she would call the courts and say that he hasn't been paying his cs in full. Then she stop answering all together. She moved back for the summer and my husband wants us all to be a big happy family and do things together and it's just not that easy for me. I don't feel that I should have to go and put my daughter in a situation like that. He then replies if I dont go he won't either. ITS NOT FAIR. I don't want him to put me in the middle. It hurts enough that We can barely afford our bills and I am the one working overtime to pay his CS then having to go and be in a hated situation on top of it. Thanks for listening!!!
Funny.....
Most stepmothers would be upset if their dh didn't want to include them. So many are left behind because the skids or biomom's don't like them. Makes the stepmom's all that more jealous in my opinion.
Maybe you can be happy that he actually wants to include you, and display a united front rather than show up alone? Maybe he needs you and your daughter there for support? Maybe he just as uncomfortable as you are with his daughter?
Some won't let their spouses anywhere near their ex's out of insecurity. I admire the security you have in your relationship with you dh.
I say go and put a smile on your face, hold your head high and have a good time, IN SPITE OF EVERYONE ELSE!!!
Agree ...
I agree with the anonymous poster ... I would go, hold my head high, be nice, and enjoy the time. Worst case scenario you and your daughter have a good time. My DH would go without me, but would rather have me there for the support, so I also agree that he probably wants you there for the moral support. Your SD doesn't have to like you, but you are an adult and should be there for her as you want to ... if you don't want to, then that's a whole other situation.
~ Katrina
How about just doing it for the dad.
NCP should have rights too!
There have been quite a few situations I have found myself in and my husband has found himself in where we were uncomfortable...esp. in dealing with the ex's and/or, each other's children.The point is we do for the children, but more often than not, we do it for each other. My dh and I made the decision when we married that WE would come first, our children next, everyone else last. We are the one's who will be spending the rest of our lives together and so that means we do for each other even when we don't really want to, or are uncomfortable in doing so. In retrospect, there have been situations that I did not want to be at, went to be by husband's side, and then was greatful I did for different reasons.
DH Concept
Although we do put our children first, my DH had a great concept that falls right in line with what Step Mom said ... if you aren't taken care of as parents then how can you be expected to parent successfully? Our childre's needs come first, but our sanity comes before that. =0)
~ Katrina
Kudos 2 anonymous!
I would have been honored if my fiance' would have ask me 2 be apart of anything that had 2 do w/sks. But I was never made 2 feel apart of situations like that. I give props to your husband for respecting you and your relationship enough to want you 2 be there w/him....It sends the msg. 2 sd and bm that you all are a strong family united together and if they want you, they have 2 take you too! So go knowing your dh loves you!
Not for nothing...
But secretly I would be thrilled if my BF would (after trying to be in skids life and being forbidden) move on with his life with me. He is doing what he should and that is protecting what he CAN. He lost his power with his previous family and he is preventing the loss of power in yours. Good that he wouldn't attend without you. Enjoy what you have that so many of us lack.
Thanks!!!
I just wanted to say thanks for your support. I know that I have to be the adult. I just needed to get out my frustration.