SK miss school to see your child. BM doesn't care about the relationship between your child and hers,  just try to push it to the last time it will work and SK can be at school the first day. 

Full disclosure: I am not a mom.

But you will have just gone through a major physical and mental ordeal.  3 weeks doesn't sound long enough - especially if you have any unforeseen complications.  The kids are 7 & 4.  If they can't miss school to visit on a more appropriate time, then waiting for when you are ready is more important than what your DH and his Ex think.  Skype the girls so they can meet the baby earlier, then they can see the baby in person On their next visit (fall break?)

Trust me, no one is more important here than you and the baby.  Certainly not the fee fees of little kids that can be easily redirected.

  Plus with Coronavirus, I would think waiting until the infection is under control before I'd be shipping kids anywhere.  Right now we just don't know how this will all play out.

First and foremost.. your husband should be the one responsible for the care of his children when they come.  So.. it shouldn't be "on you" at all

However, 3 weeks doesn't seem extraordinarily early.  Barring a medical complication.. I would think that you, baby and your DH should be reasonably on your way to a routine by then.  I understand that a stepsituation is different than bio family.. but most women would have had their own kids at home with them by then.. even if they had asked a relative to help with their older kids during the time surrounding the birth.

I would make it clear to your SO that he will be expected to do all care, feeding and entertainment of his two kids.. plus.. you will expect a hand with the new baby as well.  As long as HE feels up to that challenge.. (which means he will not be working at that time).. then I would accomodate this time.

I am assuming he also has some family leave or vacation that he will be taking to bond with you and his new baby.. as well as care for his kids when they come.  if he can't/won't.. then you get to set the time when you have the bandwidth to do "it all".

Honestly I think you will be fine after 3 weeks. By 3 weeks with both of mine I was ready to climb the walls if I couldn't get out of the house. 

The thing is, if you set yourself up to be pre-stressed, pre-depressed and pre-annoyed -- you will be! Spend the first few weeks in your little bubble with your DH and the new baby and enjoy the time when your SD's come out. Just make sure that you and your DH have a signal of when it it's time to take the girls out of the house so you can rest if you need it and that he will follow through with doing that and that he will shoulder the burden of their care while they are there. 

I have a young baby and 2 SDs who are 4 and 7, but the SDs are with us 50/50 (2/2/5/5).  Mercifully BM kept them for our days when I was in the hospital, and then had them for her 5 days, so I had 5 days with just my DH and my baby (with one quick half hour visit from skids the day we got home).  Those first days at home were such a transition, and I am so grateful the timing worked out as it did. 

I am lucky in that my baby is easy and content and I had no complications, so for me, having the skids around has been ok. But I'm used to them being around; they're not guests in my home expecting to be entertained.  I suspect it will be different with your SDs who aren't around much. 

Ideally, they would push the visit back or miss school, because you have no idea what those first few weeks will be like. If your DH allows a visit at the end of July, let him know that he will be fully responsible for the SDs - all cooking, cleaning, laundry, baths, entertainment -meaning he will need to be off from work for those weeks. Let him know you will still expect help with the baby during that time as well.  

If you get lucky like I was, you'll be fully recovered and in a groove by late July.  If not, you've made it clear what the expectations are and can focus on your baby and not do anything you don't want to for and with the skids. Maybe your husband will understand why you objected to a visit at that time and perhaps will be more understanding in the future.

If your husband is not planning to be off from work and fully available for the entire skid visit, put your foot down now, draw your line in the sand and fight it. 

ETA: Don't forget that babies don't automatically arrive on their due dates and many doctors will let you go up to 2 weeks past the due date.  There's a huge difference between 1 week postpartum and 3 weeks postpartum.

Have you discussed with your H your feelings on the matter? Did you communiccate with him that you would prefer the step kids come during their next visit for the Fall? Would your H be open to this?

I had my kids 2 weeks after my due date, which means you may only be home a week when they get there. My concern wouldn't with the kids being there, but how they get there. Will your DH leave you to get them? What if you are 2 weeks "late" and have a c-section. You won't be able to drive yet.

I see and can imagine how difficult it must be for him to have to deal with the XW's bitterness. My hope is that she doesn't make this about her and "H placing their children second" but can empathize as a mother who has given birth to 2 children, that all you want is time & space to bond with your newborn. I'm sure that's a lot to ask from someone with her lack of awareness.

Congratulations on your bundle of joy and may you enjoy every moment!

I had a baby 6 months ago and I would recommend a weekend visit rather than a week. The kids are going to get bored with a newborn and then your husband is going to he entertaining them rather than helping you. 

By 3 weeks you will be past the normal baby blues but will be at risk for post partum depression or anxiety. I personally was so nervous even taking a shower and leaving my baby with my husband. It would have made me super anxious to even take a shower and be away from the baby to leave her with my DH and SD. 

As a mom of 4....3 teens and my shared 2 year old with Dh...plus 2 teen skids...

a week will be fine 3 weeks post due date. It’s actually quite perfect....you will have had at least a week probably more with baby alone....it will all still be new when skids get there.....then they are gone and you can begin to establish a routine..

DH got custody of SD a month before I gave birth to our first boy.  They are 23 and 17 respectively.  I ended up with an emergency c-section but things went well for a while with SD being in the transition phase.  In fact, there were no problems until we moved BS into his own room at 3 months.

I agree with some of the other posters.  At 3 weeks you start to go a bit stir crazy.  Just make sure to set clear boundaries about the baby rules.  Washing hands with soap and water, no walking about with the baby etc.

If it really makes you uncomfortable, tell your DH.  Be firm.  This is your child and your body.  Everyone is different and has differing levels of tolerance.

I didn’t read all the replies so apologies if this was covered already, but what struck me was that your DH planned all this with BM.... were you not included in the discussion? If my DH made plans with Bm for the skids without consulting me when I’m the one going through labour & delivery, I’d have laid an egg. Seriously.

Also, this is your first kid. It’s completely understandable you want time to bond with the little one, and while you might be ok at the 3 week point, it’s understandable to be nervous about them visiting as well. Especially if you go overdue. On the flip side, maybe you’ll go early & you’ll have more than 3 weeks with the bubs anyways. 

Either way, have a conversation with your DH. He 100% should NOT be making plans with the BM without consulting you about it. And don’t be afraid to be mama bear with your LO if the skids are being rough/you’re not comfortable. You can’t parent them but you have full say on what happens with yours, so don’t let your DH steamroll you if he thinks it’s ‘cute’ one of his girls is doing something you’re not ok with. I had this conversation with my DH with our LO and I told him point blank that SS’s comfort level with our baby will never trump mine as her mother. I don’t care if SS thinks he can take care of our kid, I’m not ok with it so it’s not happening. Deal with it. I highly recommend this approach!

I would also keep in mind that your newborn will not get his first set of vaccinations until 1 to 2 months old (it may have changed) so be wary of how easy your newborn can be exposed to any sickness they may have or come in contact with during their flight. Anything as simple as a cough, be on guard with their interactions with your new baby.

If we’re meaning that they’re sleeping through the night and gone through those initial growth spurts of feeding what feels like 24/7, you will find even with breastfed kids this can be more like 12 weeks and formula fed could be aroud the 7-8 week mark where bubs should be sleeping through the night so no more middle of the night wake ups.

2-4 weeks after birth bubs is still full on and you’re probably only just managinng to find a bit of time yourself to catch up on sleep. Whilst skids happiness is important, so too is yours

I honestly don't get why people are so caught up in "fostering" a relationship between half-related kids. Especially in your case, where they are so far away, and they'll see eachother so infrequently that, similar to their genetic makeup, they'll be less involved with than a cousin that lives closeby.

Why trouble yourself with it? Why trouble your children with it? The baby in your belly has a shot at a completely normal nuclear life (minus the rare occassions that your DH's kids come into the picture, which is rare.) Give it to him. From my experiences, interactions with the skids and step-parents only create a rift in families, and only serve to create more problems in the future (if the stepkids have problems, which in our cases, they do.)

That's my opinion on the matter, though I've been biased by a rabid stepkid, and an equally worse bio-dad.

The SD7 probably wants to see the baby when she is "new".   I think it's awesome!  Use this time to stregthen your relationship with your SD.  And after 3 weeks, you will appreicate the extra set of hands

Congrats and good luck!

I have my SD full-time and she was about 6 years old when her baby brother was born. BM agreed to take her for a week after the birth. That was it. I did have post-partum, my son ended up sick with meningitis, and it was difficult. SD went for the week and we ended up shipping her out again a few days after she got home because our son got sick and needed to be in the hospital and neither of us was able to care for SD while he was. I had to stay at the hospital and DH had to work. 

Anyways, when she got back, honestly, I just kind of ignored her... It's not the nicest, but I expressed that I was going to focus on bonding and recovering and that's what I did. She was 6... Perfectly capable of entertaining herself and grabbing fruit/snacks when she needed them. I told DH ahead of time that he'd have to handle cooking for her, cleaning up after her, etc. because I would be focused on baby. 

It was fine. I tried to include SD but I didn't worry if I wanted to stay in my bedroom with my son a lot of the time. I was breastfeeding and newborns clusterfeed quite a bit, so nobody really cared anyway. DH dealt with SD and brought me snacks/cooked dinner and such. 

You'll probably be fine. Just don't put pressure on yourself to entertain, feed, etc. the older kids. Hide out in your room if you're feeling overwhelmed and snuggle your sweet baby. 

the only way I would consent to this is if DH is going to be home and understand that HE will be on the cuff for meeting the needs of the kids AND you while he is there.

I would not be able to say no to this for many reasons. That being said, I would discuss in detail strict rules about when the skids visit, including that he would be caregiver, and I would ask him to shorten their stay at the house. Perhaps he can take them away days 3-4-5 out of 7 for a family getaway (fun hotel in the area, skiing, etc...). I would also ask a friend or family member to be secondary support while you are alone, if you feel you need it. 

We never allowed SS to miss school for SpermLand visitation. The CO was clear. Visitation was during non school time over Summer, Winter and Spring break.  He did not go to see his three  younger also out of wedlock SpermIdiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas. Not for his Aunts wedding, greatgrandparent birthdays or funerals. Nothing.

So, if your SD's are going to meet their brother before school starts, you don't have many otptions on timing.   A short visit 3wks after he is born may not be too bad. But, as a man I have zero clue if that position is reasonable or not.

Congratulations on the baby.

Take care of you.