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New to Step Talk

njoy1616's picture

Hello. I am new here and wanted to ask a few things. If someone would be so kind to write back:) First off, I think I need a break down of all the lingo around here. BM, DH, SS. I can figure out some, but it would be helpful to include any and all that are used throughout posts. Second, I am not ready to sit here and bitch just quite yet, because isn't that what this is all about anyways? Trying to find a common "relationship" with a stranger to make you feel less like a crazy person? I above all, need this for my own support system because as it stands now, I unfortunately don't have one. No friends, family, spouse, co-worker, etc. has extended their love and support for my sadness in my wretched situation. Starting to wonder if it really is just me. My loved ones can't really be so cruel can they? Yes, I believe they can. So, perfect stranger, where are you?
My Problem:
I am newly married with a 4 year old step-son who has an unreasonable, irrational and co-dependent woman as a mother. I find my situation very unfair for the most part for several reasons. I am looking for someone preferrably a female with whom I can relate to. I am looking for advice, guidance, support and mostly someone who can listen. This may sound too needy, but I feel this is what I have become as of late. Seems like a lot of women on here are older and have step children in their teens. I am hoping to find a woman in their late twenties to mid thirties with small children/step children to confide in and learn from.
I have already found so much interesting and useful information on this site, so I want to thank you all for your posts, advice to one another and suport you give each other every day. I hope to become a small part of it all:)

empty nest step's picture

njoy1616,
I am older yes, but, have gone through what you are going through with your emotions and thoughts. My husband had full custody of his two girls and at that time they were four and six. The six year old had down syndrome. I didn't know anyone that was a step mom that had their kids every day. I wish i had a site like this when i was just starting out. A couple of thoughts on advise i would like to give you. One is, have your own space in the house - mine was our bedroom. The kids were never allowed in our bedroom unless they were invited. Make rules early on and stick with it. On the weekends you don't have your kids - act like kids. My husband and i had the best weekends when the kids were not with us. I honestly believe it is what kept us together through the tough years and believe me, Baby momma drama was in the house 24 by 7......
Good luck and enjoy the good times.

caya506's picture

Your DH's ex sounds like my BF's ex!

There are a lot of people here that will listen to you and help you out. I am 25 years old and my BF of 3 years has a 3 1/2 year old son. We have lived together for the last 2 years. Everyone needs someone to listen, so talk away!

njoy1616's picture

Caya506-

Thank you for your post:) I don't know where to begin? Maybe I should ask you all?
Problems between my DH(do I dare call him darling)and myself
Problems with DH and BM?
Or problems with myself and BM?
I do believe that half of my problems with BM can be resolved if only my husband took the reigns and set boundaries with BM. He has always been the middle man. I finally had to take myself out of all things discussed and planned completely. I was never heard anyways. I really think my new marriage is going to end in divorce. I am so distraught over it. I love him, but I treat him like crap because I am so angry all the time over the way he allows things to be postponed or ignored. I don't feel we are on the same page at all with anything. Seemed like it before we got married, why has it changed so drastically in just a year? I am going to lose it on BM and DH if I don't get results. There is no progress, just disappointments left and right. I feel as a step parent, woman, wife, etc. there is only so much one can take/sacrifice. I am always put on the back burner and never heard. I have never felt so lonely.