not a stepmom...yet...but VERY confused with LOTS of questions
I'm not a stepmom yet, but my boyfriend lives with me and we have his 5 year-old son (SS)every Sunday, Monday night, Tuesday, and every second weekend of the month. In short, SS spends the night at my house a lot. I'm young and don't have any children of my own and am struggling to understand what is and is not "normal" behavior for a 5 year old boy. I know they are all fairly hyperactive and loud and excitable, and that behavior is ok with me. Lately, he's been hitting a lot and then saying that he's "just teasing." We've tried to explain to him that saying "just teasing" doesn't make it ok. I feel that the problem is that his dad lets his rough house a lot, and SS can't tell the difference between play rough-housing and being mean.
Q#1: Should I have a strict no-hitting policy in my house to solve this problem?
Also, SS is VERY independent. He's always getting into things and trying to "fix" them. I like his creativity and I like that he's very smart, however sometimes it becomes dangerous.
Q#2: How can I get him to stop trying to start the car by himself or run the mower by himself? Is this normal 5 year old boy behavior?
I think I'm hanging in there the best way that I can, but its hard not to get a little resentful now and then. SS loves me and hugs me all the time and we have a great relationship, I'm just having that adjustment period - instant mom, just add water, ya know?? I don't want to correct my boyfriend because, hey, he's had more practice than me at parenting, but I also think SS is taking advantage because his dad spoils him a little dut to divorce guilt.
Q#3: Is it ok to correct or make suggestions to my boyfriend about how to raise his son?
Similar Situation
Sounds like we are in exactly the same situation, except we have my BF's 5 year old daughter. We haven't had the trying to start car/lawn mower ordeal (man do i hope that's boy thing!!) But we have had to deal with the hitting, it probably didn't help that BM enrolled her in karate. Since we do currently live in my apartment (moving to a house in october) I did feel it was ok to set certain rules, and a "no hitting" rule worked at my house.
On the suggesting parenting advice I know everyone is going to give you a different answer on this. I say yes it is ok to suggest something to BF, not infront of the child. Make sure BF knows that you understand this is not your child and that the ultimate decision will be made by him. That's usually my approach to my BF, because yes it is his child...but it's also my life too. You should have just as much say! Good luck!
"Live well, Love much, Laugh often."