Not sure what to do....
A little background, DH and I have been married since August, together almost 3 years. He has 5 kids of his own and a grandchild, SD17 lives with him and is other 3 he see's every other weekend however SS15 doesn't ever come anymore because BM doesn't make him, his oldest is 20 with a 1 yrs old and he has a set of 8 yr old twins (who both have behavioral problems). I have 3 kids, 17, 14, 8. My ex and I have a good relationship co-parenting, he has had to take a new job where he has worked for over 15 years and he is now on 2nd shift for 4 months. We share custody 50/50. My anxiety is about having my kids more often now that their dad is on 2nd shift. They would basically be home alone on the evenings they are with their dad therefore he said they'll probably be at my place more often, which is totally fine with me, I would never refuse them, however, the problem lies with DH, I do not feel like he wants them there more than they already are because that cuts into "our" time together...we have discussed this already a few times so he knows how I am feeling, I'm not qutie sure how i feel about it exactly. It upsets me that he can't quit being selfish for a minute and think about the kids....but I get where he is coming from at the same time, but I don't think he gets that I don't have a choice, I am NOT going to turn my kids away, ever... We don't his kids if his ex needs him to take them on an 'off' weekend, he sometimes hesitates and i'm the one that says we can't say no....I just don't know how to deal and hate feeling like i'm walking on eggshells in my own home. We are seeing a therapist and we will be going back in a few days and I plan on brining this topic up.....any other thoughts would be appreciated...
Well, I can see how he might
Well, I can see how he might be annoyed by it (seeing how many people on here are annoyed by their skids), but it's only 4 months. I assume the 17 year old, and maybe even the 14 year old are fine alone at your XH's house, but it's a lot to ask for them to watch the 8 year old every day. So it's definitely one, and maybe 2 kids there extra time for 4 months? He needs to get over it.
If you marry someone with kids, you run the risk of custody changes.
I mean i get it because every
I mean i get it because every extra minute with my SS is like chewing glass BUT if it’s just for 4 months he needs to suck it up. That being said it would be pure hell of 4 months for me.
Are you kids respectful? Pick
Are you kids respectful? Pick up after themselves? Do you parent your kids, no Disney parenting? I get it’s a little annoying however if they are generally good kids DH needs to suck it up.
Would try to make it work
Do you guys have enough rooms? what would be sleeping arrangements?
Have you discussed with ex, could he still take kids every other weekend, to give you some couples time? Have you discussed with ex temporary CS? Could one of your kids babysit once a week to give you a date night, even if you just go out for coffe?
Agree wtih OPs, discuss house rules. also, btw, leaving a 17YO in a house when only parent is on 2nd shift is not generally a good idea. Even a good kid may have "friends" looking to take advantage of a situation. To me, there is a huge difference between going out to dinner, when kid does not know when you will be back and being at work on a definite schedule.
Everyone will have to pull togehter to make this work.
Seriously? The kid can move
Seriously? The kid can move out on his/her own in less than a year, but they aren't OK being home alone until 11 or so?
If the kid is troubled and you don't trust him/her, then fine. But a normal 17 yo doesn't need a babysitter. I went to college at 17 and did whatever the hell I wanted all the time.
Not the same
When you were at college, I would assume your friends were college friends, who also lived away from home, at dorms or whatever. NOT the same as HS kids living at home. Kids at college can have sex whatever in dorm rooms, likley drink beer, etc. . Kids at home are looking for a place to party. Even good kids. The mom here has every right to be concerned, but I stand by my statement, that everyone invovled has to help make it work.
You are clearly a very
You are clearly a very overprotective parent.
I set rules and expectations
If that makes me overprotective in your eyes, so be it. But in any event, no way, no how should 14YO be left there. And who is going to see they get to school, do homework etc. How will car useage be handled?
Again - a normal 17 yo should
Again - a normal 17 yo should be completely independent. Daddy shouldn't have to wake him up and make him go to school or do his homework. And he's on SECOND SHIFT (3-11), not overnights, as I understand it.
Who says he has a car? The 14 yo is iffy, as I said in my original post, but the 17 yo 100% should be able to be home on his own, unless he has issues that make it not possible. What if he was 18 and in high school? Would you still make him stay with Mommy?
Parents like you are the reason why kids don't grow up and leave home. They treat their almost grown kids like they are in elementary school.
We will have to agree to disagree
But rest assured, my kids are headed on track for college, and every year they get more privilidges. Did your parents leave you alone till 11PM (or more likely 11:30, after commuting home from work) your senior year in HS (which I feel free to ask, since you want to attack me personally)? 5 days a week?
and no, 14 is NOT iffy.