same problem different day...
I truly don't know what to do or where to go so I am putting it out there on here just to get it off my chest...Married almost a year, together almost 3. I have 5 SK's and 3 BK's. I really don't know where to start other than to say he isn't who I thought he was, that's in a nutshell.... we are constantly it seems like, having the same conversation, me worrying that he's happy and ok with everything and him just kinda doing what he wants, gets irritated it seems like when my kids are around, which i have 50% of the time, and more lately because of bio-dad's change in work schedule, so it seems to me this irritates DH even more when my kids are with us, I swear my kids are are in no way near the handful that his are!!! My problem it seems is that I am such a people pleaser, I am sooooo concerned that DH is happy that it doesn't matter if I am or not.. I KNOW this is a problem, and I have been in therapy for it off/on, and this is partially why my 1st marriage met it's demise. I have huge anxiety problems and DH knows this and is supportive, as much as he can be. It just has gotten worse it seems lately, probably with summer coming and bio-dad's change in work schedule so the kids are with us more....I guess I just don't know what to do about it or how to approach it - again with DH or if I should? He's a wonderful man, truly he is, and alot of my anxiety I feel that I create with how I project my feeligs on to DH, when he actually doesn't feel that way or isn't mad but it's my perception..I just feel like kind of a mess right now.....
Your problem (as you
Your problem (as you recognize) is that you are a people pleaser with anxiety. Your anxiety isn’t necessarily a seperate issue, but is linked to people pleasing. It is hard to say what came first the chicken or the egg though- you might have anxiety because you are a people pleaser, or you might be a people pleaser because you have anxiety.
Blending a family is tough, and is making it harder on you. You don’t own your DH’s problems though and he doesn’t own yours- I think from the sounds of it what you might be doing is expecting your DH to solve your worries/problems and expecting yourself to solve his?!
What steps have you taken to work on your people pleasing tendencies? How have you been trying to work through your anxieties? Nothing is going to be perfect and all any of us can do is keep trying to push forward.