Out of Ideas
After 3 years of dating long distance, my SO and I decided it was time to make it more permanent and I moved up to live with him and start our life together. He has a 13 year old son who, up until now, he saw very on and off. He moved a year ago to be closer to his son claiming he felt guilty for not having been there for him,(SO left sons mother when son was 4yr). Because I'd only had minimal contact with SO son up until now, I couldn't of known how interacting with him every other weekend, consistently would affect me. SO son lives with mother, her boyfriend and two little siblings from that relationship. They have no real agreement on the books, and its just verbally agreed that SO picks up son every other weekend. I am a wreck in the days leading up to his visits, I'm on pins and needles, when he's here, I find myself loathing him, and wishing him gone. I'm sure he's not all bad, and I know his father loves him, but I don't. Am I bad for feeling so harshly? I don't like this kid, he's not engaging, and doesnt bring anything to the table as far as trying to build a relationship. He's very awkward and for 13, very immature. If he sees me cuddling with his dad, he gets mopey and whiny with his dad and comes to lay on him or jump on him. Its not my fault this child had the upbringing he did, its not my problem to fix or give a magic solution to. I plain dont care for this kid. I am so happy when he leaves, almost ecstatic, but have to hide my joy so SO doesn't get mad. Its been a source of very bad fights lately and I, maybe we both, have been reconsidering our relationship. I just dont know what to do anymore. I'm not trying to deny SO his relationship with his son, only that I don't get thrown into having to care or like someone I don't. I don't mistreat this kid, nor forbid him in my home, but lately SO has been trying to pitch taking him from his mother to raise here with me! It makes me so ill to fathom that.
That is a common move by
That is a common move by dads, once they get a woman living with them. With his son's age, it might be the best thing for the boy. But I'm predicting that you won't survive it. Why not move close, but not in, with your SO? I know hindsight is 20/20, but if he gets more time with him, you will have more to deal with. It just smells bad to me. Sorry I can't be much more help. I'm just thinking you should back out quietly and date until the boy is on his own.
You could have been
You could have been describing my sd13. She is the neediest, whiniest, most immature, gawky, ungainly, attention seeking 13yo I have ever met. If she weren't DH's daughter and I met her in another situation, I wouldn't like her. It's that plain and simple - I just don't like her. I resent her being here and taking up as much time and energy as she does from DH and me. And she lives with us which sucks big time. It takes a very strong relationship to handle the strain skids add.
I try to ignore her as much as possible. I let DH handle most of her crap unless it is something which I really need to step in on. I wish I could give you advice, but at least I can commiserate. My DH is so wonderful to me that I just have to get through her living with us for another 5+ years until she is off to college.
I'd say either run the other
I'd say either run the other way fast - or plunge in head first and take the bad with the bit of good. I am doing the later. I love my SO and enduring his boys for the long life of wonderful love post kids! At least he's closer to adulthood then for some of the smoms on here! But it's a tough row to hoe.