She won't stop until your DH stops allowing it. 

There are 2 options. 

1. He takes it. And it is your life until skid ages out. 

2. He doesn't and decides to let the chips fall where they may. For instance. He doesn't respond to her any longer and begins to parallel parent. You plan your vacation and skid misses camp. And if you end up in court, then so be it. The worse that could happen is you lose some time. But isn't that worth not having to live a nightmare for years and years?

At some point you have to say this isn't working. And then create a plan that does work. For both of you. Not for BM, not for skid. But for your relationship which is number 1.

Yeah, he has to decide to either let BM keep her grip on his balls, or stand up to her and take the consequences, which will include repeated court visits and possible complete alienation from his son (which likely will happen eventually anyway, with this type of controlling BM). 

I can't say one is better than the other for him, it depends on his personality. My DH could never tolerate the ball-gripping, so he stood up to BM and is completely alienated from his son.  Your DH may be a more passive person who can't tolerate the conflict or alienation.  I personally, could not tolerate that level of conflict- if it were my ex and kid, I'd probably go along with it. 

Your task is to let him decide how to deal with it.  If he's the conflict avoidant type and you can't live with that, then you will have to decide if you stay or not.  But if you try to force him to deal with things the way YOU would, you will harm your marriage.  Let's say you force him to stand up to BM and she cuts him off from his son - he won't forgive you easily for that.  And truthfully, she does have a lot of power - just for having a vagina, but also because of her family court connections.

Just let him deal with BM and set your own boundaries.  So if you have an event on a certain date and he can't go because he has his kid and doesn't dare ask BM to change, then you go on your own.

Some of what BM does sounds kind of normal, like the summer camp, it’s like a week long, right?  I’m sure you can look up the dates, and plan your vacation around it.   Being upset on her kids behalf, that your DH is missing parenting time to hang with his GF that he sees all the time.  I can understand that too, especially if your DH is an every other weekend dad.

 If the updates are more than every few days, I’d say that’s way too much.  And really, there’s a simple solution, just ask your BF to stop sharing what she’s going on about or nagging at him about.  If he doesn’t want to rock the boat, that’s fine, but there’s no need to bring you on board to suffer with him.

As a SM with a SD with a semi involved BM that won’t sign her daughter up for extracurricular activities or summer camps, has no communication with DH, even when something is terribly wrong, tells SD she can’t live with us full time because she needs the CS check to survive, and can’t manage her life so she relies on SD to help manage it for her.  Your BM sounds really annoying, but much less destructive and much better for your SS in the long run.  My Sd has mega issues because of her mother, and she now lives here taking her anger on our family.  Not fun.

Your SO needs to find a killer attorney who is better networked than the BM is in the legal world in your community.  It is doubtful that BM socializes with the Judges.  Attorneys definitely do.

We used this to our benefit during SS’s adult adoption and were able to push it through in 4 days due to our Shark layers relationship with the Judge.

For every move or advantage from the opposition there is a counter move or advantage that can be leveraged.  The side with the highest commitment to the campaign usually benefits the most.

Dads and NCPs certainly are at a severe  disadvantage but even they can win if they document, research, obtain agressive well networked counsel, and keep smacking the opposition with the CO, supplemental rules, and state regulations.

it worked for us.  My DW was the CP but we never lived nearer than 1200 miles from where the CO was issued.  That gave the BioDad advantage of residence in the jurisdiction where the CO resided.  That did not completely counter the inherent advantage that mom’s and CPs have but it did inject a bias to the SpermClans side of things.  That SpermGrandHag was also the maid of a number of Judges also made things a little more interesting to navigate.

Good luck.

Change things. She’d still be on a revenge mission to wreak hell on your relationship and marriage. 

My husbands exwife remarried not even weeks after divorced was finalised and bragged how in demand she was and no one wanted hubby. After hell with her and trauma of divorce he needed a break and to focus on his career that she never supported.

fast forward 5 years later, he remarries a much younger woman, a foreigner and caucasian and oh hell did she look to spin things her way even more. Claimed this is why she had to kidnap her 2 daughters from daddy dating half naked prostitutes which is what she claimed i was. Even despite being married almost 10 years, she still thinks she can dictate our marriage and how hubby can see his kids and order me to be present, we have never met and hubby wants to avoid her like the plague

whether she marries or not doesn’t change things, the issue is she needs to be put firmly in her place. Hubby has disengaged from 3 kids with ex because they’re lazy self entitled selfish brats who intentionally exclude us and do not compromise, everything revolves around them because they’re special (when they’re not!!), disengaging was to show these kids his life does not revolve around them and if they are not willing to include us and make an effort, he won’t waste his time.