The X is generally unbearable and you all know exactly what I mean! Is it okay to have separate meetings? Do teachers generally allow that? How do we ask without making it sound like we're asking for special treatment (and more work for the teacher) because we're too childish? And without sounding like we're trying to cut the biomom out or be petty/competitive with her? I'm a new stepmom with no kids of my own and this is my first time with parent teacher conferences. My husband has joint custody with visitation evenly split.

If we can't hold separate meetings, do I go? On the one hand, I am just as much a part of the child's life as she is (joint custody evenly split) and I want to show my new step-son and his teacher that I'm a support in his life. I do homework and projects with him and I really want to hear the teacher's perspective on his progress. But on the other hand, I'm worried that me being there will make the X competitive and tense and the focus will be off our son. I don't want my step-son to have to see that tension at his meeting about his accomplishments. So maybe I should back out. But then I worry it will send the wrong message to the X if I'm not there, like she's bullied me out.

Any thoughts?