Poor DH and SD14's selfish ways

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Hi all,

So it's been a couple months now that SD stopped talking to DH because he wouldn't allow her to get away with b.s. and she thinks the grass is greener at her mom's. He stopped by to give her a birthday card a couple weekends ago and she barely acknowledged him, wouldn't even get out of her mom's car to give her dad a hug. Won't respond to his calls, texts, voicemails, nothing. Then she flakes on granddaddy's lunch because it wasn't her typical Red Lobster birthday dinner he's always taken her on.

Fast forward to Saturday. DH's older brother takes SD14 out to Adventure park where they spend ALL day together riding rides, playing mini golf, etc. Brother posts pics of SD14 all over Facebook and DH sees them. You could tell he's immediately crushed to see SD14's face, especially after she's dissed him so much all for being an actual PARENT to her, while mom just allows her to do whatever she pleases.

I feel horrible for DH. He's done all he can to get through to this girl. She won't respond to anyone in his family UNLESS they are taking her somewhere fun or buying her fancy dinners. She makes me sick with her manipulation, lies and selfishness.

DH doesn't want to address anything at this point and has left any contact up to SD14. He's made effort upon effort to let her know he loves her, is there for her and wants to be a part of her life and she continually shoots him down and ignores him.

I know DH's brother wasn't trying to cause any troubles, but by posting pics of SD14 having such a great time with them, it got to DH and I feel angry over it all. Guess I just need to let DH do as he'll do and stay out of it.

Thanks for letting me vent. There's not much in ways of solutions to this issue. SD14 just needs to get her head out of her mom's ass and quit being so damn into herself! She's really hurting her dad and she could give a rat's ass.

~Mel

I'm assuming she no longer

I'm assuming she no longer visits Dad at all.

Kids can be incredibly self-centered. What's in it for me and what have you done for me lately. Dad is doing the right thing by not begging and now he needs to stay off Facebook. You can tell him I said so based on experience. From now until she's out of high school he keeps up the cards and well wishes on holidays but NO presents.

His last card is congratulations on graduating (no check) and that's the last card she gets. From graduation on its in her lap. She will come around. She'll mature and realize what she's done. At whatever age she is when she calls she is welcomed with open arms and no recriminations about the past.

He can stop the cards right now if he prefers - it just depends on how he wants to handle this. That's what I did.

She will come to realize her mothers true role in this after all she's not stupid, just wrapped up in herself for now. To try and keep her closer only makes her struggle harder and INCREASES the time she'll take to return. I can't make that point more important.

Thanks for your input. I'm

Thanks for your input. I'm having some issues with my daughter, 14, as well. Self centered, yes. I don't remember being that self-absorbed as a teen girl, but likely, I was.

Anyhow, DH is NOT giving in this time. He said unless SD comes around, apologizes for her horrible treatment of him and makes an effort to be a part of his life, she'll simply get cards (no cash or present) for every holiday and a text saying "Happy ______" from him and that is it.

The day she was born, he went out and bought the prettiest gold necklace and pendant to give to her on her sweet sixteenth birthday. He has it in our safe and said if she continues down this path, she'll never see it.

I know eventually she'll come around and realize her mother isn't doing her a bit of good by allowing her complete freedom, no responsibilities and no accountability for her actions. Even DH's father and grandfather both said "she'll likely either get an STD or become pregnant before she hits 16". VERY SAD.

But, I'm learning to let go of my anger. It does no good for anyone for me to hold onto the resentment I feel toward this selfish brat. She'll get hers in the long run. Karma is like that.

Again, thanks for your thoughts/advice. I know my DH is a very strong man now and will handle her as she should be.

~Mel

Oh trust me, CurlySue - I

Oh trust me, CurlySue - I totally did the happy dance when DH told me SD14 wasn't coming over anymore!!!! Sure, I felt badly for him, still do. But yeah, my life is MUCH better without her drama, whining, laziness, nasty looks, disgusting habits, etc.

I secretly hope she NEVER returns. I don't care if DH goes to visit her (she lives with her mom about 6 miles away, same town) anytime, but would rather not have her in my apartment.

Matter-of-fact, we're moving into a 1 bedroom apartment across the parking lot in OCT because SD isn't coming around anymore and my DD14 only comes during summer and usually sleeps on the couch anyway.

And hopefully, if all goes well, we'll be moving from Colorado to Virginia sometime next Fall/Winter. I just hope SD14 doesn't ever end up coming out there to visit!

~Mel

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