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Pregnancy Hormones Causing Resentment Towards SD

sunshinex's picture

For the past year or so, I've had a great relationship with my five year old stepdaughter. Her mom isn't in the picture much so I've been pretty involved because I love her and want her to have a motherly figure that cares. But ever since I hit about 6 weeks pregnant (I'm 7+3 days) I've been SO annoyed by her presence! It's so weird because I know she's being her usual self so it's definitely me and what I'm guessing is hormones.

I feel awful because I do love her I just absolutely can't stand being near her lately. I try to hide it but honestly even her hugging me drives me nuts when normally I love cuddles with her! I just don't know how to get over this. I ended up telling my husband and he says it must be hormones and he's trying to keep her busy and out of my hair but I just feel terrible!

Has anyone experienced this before? Any tips for getting over it?

SacrificialLamb's picture

"Second, if pregnancy hormones are what causes resentment toward skids, I apparently have been pregnant for over a decade now. "

And me pregnant in the throes of menopause.

Thumper's picture

congrats on your babysunshine:

Don't be so hard on yourself.

If you really get into the weeds with dna, genetics, histrionics of humans etc you may find that what is actually very normal is your internal reactions are towards a child that is not connected with you by DNA in preparation to protect your own bio. Certainly I am not implying your sweet step child is ugly, mean or anything like that. It is more about YOU as a bio mother or bio father.

Sounds mean and ugly but truth be told this is not unusual by any means.

You sound like a really nice step mom....again don't be hard on yourself.....it is society that expect non bio's to lOVE LOVE LOVE other folks children. But biology and science doesn't.

When is your sunshine baby due?

sunshinex's picture

She is such a sweet girl but you're right I'm sure it's just me preparing to protect my own and unfortunately that means I get frustrated when SD wants my attention. We're trying to keep her away from me unless I'm in a particularly good mood than I try to spend as much time as possible with her.

Baby is due October 23rd Smile

Thumper's picture

A fall baby----awwwwwhhhh, actually that is a great time. You want to hibernate more in the winter which will keep the baby away from germs.

Here's to a very pleasant rest of your pregnancy !!!! It is a very exciting time Wink

Acratopotes's picture

congrat girl and well it's normal......

simply tell SD, that being pregnant tires you out and you might be grumpy sometimes but you still love her,

Willow2010's picture

I hated everyone too when I was pregnant. But not my older child. I think this would be perfectly normal for a stepmom though.

But since you have stepped into the “mom” role for this child, you may want to talk to someone just to get it off your chest and see if they can make you feel any better so you don’t alienate the 5 year old and make her feel bad. And also so she does not resent your child. Even though DH is trying to keep her away from you, she will notice that you don’t like her anymore. It is a little heart breaking for the 5 year old.

Congrats on the new baby!

thinkthrice's picture

I was in perimenopause at the time and the skids annoyed the living shit out of me. Probably due to the awful (lack of) parenting on their bios part.

Congrats!