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Questions about “Mother’s Day”

Samanthastepmom12's picture

I’m interested in hearing What if anything DH or you do or how you would deal with the situations below.

A. Say Step kid is under say 14yrs old does DH/you help them either make something for BM or take them to buy something if they did not ask for help? 

B. Say you answered no to above question. Would DH/you do it if step kid asked for help getting a gift for BM?

C.  Say BM was single with no one else to help step child pick out or make a gift for her would DH/you step up. 

D. Those of you who are bios and divorced do you and your ex help your bio kids buy/make gifts for mother’s/Father’s Day?

Ok I want to add this really has nothing to do with being nice to BM Especially if she is a nasty hag. But more about helping Step kid. 

Dogmom1321's picture

None of the above. BM wants nothing from SD if I have 

anything to do with it. Sad but true. 

Dogmom1321's picture

I have literally held my hands out with a gift bag, face/face for Christmas and Graduation. I said "I got you something for graduation. Congrats and merry Christmas "I don't want anything from you" SMH. So I quit trying. 

Sandybeaches's picture

School Project? Looking for guinea pigs? Lots of what ifs there in your multiple choice questions 

Aunt Agatha's picture

My fiancé in 10 years has never purchased any gifts for BM for any holiday.  The skids have never asked.

 I helped them purchase gifts for their dad when they were younger, but now that they are teens they are on their own.  

But because BM is such a horrible, crazy person, my fiancé has steadily minimized any contact not directly related to the child's welfare.  Neither he nor I would stop anything like them making her a card, but no way in h3ll would he give her a thing beyond what he was court ordered, which is already a lot of money.

justmakingthebest's picture

A. Say Step kid is under say 14yrs old does DH/you help them either make something for BM or take them to buy something if they did not ask for help? 

For my SS's - I helped SS15 get presents for his mom for the first 2-3 years we were together, we had a lot of drama and been alienated to the point of no contact for months on end. I have been blocked from his phone for almost 2 years now. At this point, I will not buy BM2 anything. SS20 has no contact with his mother, if he ever asked though, I would help him.

B. Say you answered no to above question. Would DH/you do it if step kid asked for help getting a gift for BM?

 

C.  Say BM was single with no one else to help step child pick out or make a gift for her would DH/you step up.

If we had not been cut off from SS, yes.

D. Those of you who are bios and divorced do you and your ex help your bio kids buy/make gifts for mother’s/Father’s Day?

My kids dad and SM always send me something for Mother's day from my kids. I also always send her something for Mother's day from my household even though she has her husband and I have mine. I think we do it more in appriecation for eachother. 

tog redux's picture

I helped SS get presents for either of his parents, IF he asked.  He used his own money. And he was always respectful to me - we had a positive relationship.

still learning's picture

I've always helped my bios get gifts for their dad.  I think it's important to help instill that sense of giving and respect towards a parent since you are also teaching them how to treat you and people in general.  If this were a skid situation I would hand that over to DH to deal with. 

BethAnne's picture

If sd is with us I encourage my husband to help sd do something for her mother for mother's day. If my sd is here before fathers day I encourage and help my sd to do something for her dad for father's day.

When she gets older, I will encourage her to do something for her parents on her own. We don't spend huge amounts of money, but some acknoledgement of the is appropriate and fostering a spirit of thinking of others is good in my mind, even if personally I cannot stand the sight of sd's mother. 

strugglingSM's picture

I haven't offered and the kids haven't asked. 
 

I used to offer to help them get something for DH for Father's Day. They told me they "were all set", but have never given him anything on Christmas, his birthday, or Father's Day in the five years I've known them.

tog redux's picture

Isn't it sad? I don't give a rat's a$$ what he does for me,  he's not my kid - but since he stopped visitation at age 15 (now 20) he hasn't gotten DH a gift or even wished him a happy anything.  Makes me so angry.  SS is lucky to have the father he has.

Lifer33's picture

The first 2 years of our relationship dh would take ss to chose gifts for bm. That all changed when on my first mother's day to bd the bm dropped off ss and he burst through the door saying ' mummy says we need to get her something NICE for mothers day! (the candle chose for her bday obviously wasn't good enough) anyways from that very day forward she got nothing except a handmade card that day and a message that in future gifts can stop both ways and perhaps grandma can take ss shopping if she needs her gifts so bad to show off on social media 

Thefatherismyfamily's picture

No we don't help skids make anything for their mother. DH has told them do not come to me for a gift for for yourself mother years ago.

Thisisnotus's picture

Never in a million years to any of that.

There is enough money from this household sent to BM not a chance in hell anyone is using my money to shop for her. Not ever....

On that same note I also don't get Father's Day gifts for my DH from his kids or from my own kids. I do get him a gift from our 2 year old and from me. His kids aren't my kids and it's not my responsibility. SD17 is old enough to figure it out on her own or not.....or ask MIL.
 

 

Rags's picture

A - No

B - Yes. Though he never asked.. 

C - No. Not without the Skid asking.

D - No.  Though I am not a BioParent.  My DW never once participated in Father's day for the Spermidiot.  SS never asked to do anything for the Spermidiot on Father's day.  SS did do things for me on Father's day and he and I made sure to do things for his mom on Mother's day.

EveryoneLies's picture

A- No

B- No, SS never asked lol

C-N/A, BM is married

D- my DD's sperm donor is not in the picture, and DH is the father figure my DD looks upon. DD is sweet and never forgets to draw a card or use her own allowance to get DH something. SS needs reminder to get his dad a card.

I personally don't agree with the kids "buying" gift concept. I mean unless they actually work and have their own income, it is just teaching them to use other people's resources to make themselves look good lol But of course if they feel strongly to gift someone important we are willing to help.

we told our kids not to buy us anything, but cards will always be appreciated. (But DD still buys small stuff from school when school was open--she said it's weird not to give stuff lol)