Questions help stressed
Partners ex texted her and her hubby are going away ( out of the counrtry ) in june school is still in ,,, asked if we could take the younger one for 2.5 weeks .. pick him up after school bring him to our house bring him back in the am so he can walk to school.. he is 11. the older one is at home still not working or school. he is 18 going on 19. may i ask why he cant watch the 11 year old after school feed him and thats that . we would take the younger one on friday pick up and drop of on sunday. why cant the 18 year help out ? its there house school is across the street , the 11 year old comes home after school its literally across the street. MInd you we will have to wake him at 545-600 to leave at 630 no later,, work then pick up after work at 400. All while the 18 year is sitting at his house not helping. I know thats his dad,, and the 18 year will want to come over to our place and eat and sit there on the weekend. My hubby sleeps on the couch when the little one is over ( he gives up the guest room ) as my hubby snores and we cant sleep in the bed for about 2 years now. So he has to sleep on the couch for 2 weeks . Plus really by the agreeemnt there was no extra weeks noted ot was just every other weekend as per the agreement . Not that that matters at all. Whole routine will be screwed up for 2 weeks. Im very stressed ut about this.. And all while we are running around like crazy people back and forth cooking rountine screwed up and the older one isnt doing jack to help.
Draw your personal lines. You
Draw your personal lines. You will not be doing extra driving. You will not be altering your usual meal times. You will not be making up a bed for him.
Let your husband know your limits and let him work out what he wants to do. If he chooses to agree he will have to work out all the logistics himself. He is not obligated to be bm's vacation childcare option, he can decline if he wants. BM will have to work out the details of how to cover childcare if he does. Perhaps the older kid, or perhaps another relative or he goes to stay with a friend's family. Or maybe she just has to cancel her plans. Whatever she decides is up to her.
Admittedly in her position I would ask the boy's Dad before I asked lazy older brother.
cant cancel not a opition. i
cant cancel not a opition. i agree he is not obligated to be the vacation relief, im so mad right now
I just dont understand how
I just dont understand how someone can be so lazy not to help.. he lives rent free gets everything paid for doesnt work doesnt go to school,, i just cant wrap my head around it.. really cant.
He is barely an adult.. right
He is barely an adult.. right? 18 year olds may be legally adults.. but in many ways.. they are still very immature.. I think it sounds very risky to have the 11 yo watched by him.. guessing mom and dad agree
And.. I'm sorry.. it does sound disruptive.. but I don't think the 18 yo is a good option.
SD17almost18
Powersulk Sd is super lazy also. Parents cater and coddle and no consequences for anything. No requirements. No job and just failed permit knowledge test for driving.
I don't think it's so much
I don't think it's so much that they don't feel they CAN ask the 18 yo.. but that they don't fully TRUST the 18 year old to take care of his 11 year old little brother.
IMHO.. mom is making the right call to ask dad to supervise his own child vs allowing a potentially very unreliable kid to drop the ball and have dire consequences.
As it is.. mom is already risking that older brother will throw the party of the century in her absences.. haha.
Ideally, she would have a parent.. or other mature/older friend or relative that could stay over with both the boys at her house.. but I am guessing that isn't possible.
Maybe an air mattress in the guest room and your SO and his son could share?
Or you could give ear plugs a try?
I know it doesn't sound ideal.. and of course your DH could decline.. but it's his 11 year old son.. I'm fairly certain he cares enough about him to be inconvenienced to keep him safe.
doesnt have to worry about a
doesnt have to worry about a party he has no freinds
Must be nice to book your 2.5
Must be nice to book your 2.5 WEEK vacay, then ask for childcare afterwards, and have everyone else tie themselves into knots figuring out how to handle it. I know, i know, what can you say when it's your child. It sucks that these b!tches get paid child support then just go off for weeks abroad without worrying about, you know, childcare. The thing they get paid the big bucks for.
i have not had a vacation in
i have not had a vacation in forever !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we were just talking about taking one yesterday lol ,, i dont know anything anymore,, he wont say no to her ,, i know he wont ,, she has him by the balls always has always will. the owrst part is she was like you take him for a week or so the last week of school isnt important then take him to your mums for the last week he can miss school.,, hoiw do you know she isnt busy ? how do you know she wants a 11 year old there for a week ?
Ladybug, don't do a damn
Ladybug, don't do a damn thing that's going to stress you over this! "Oh, DH, I'd love to help but (insert something that could plausibly suddenly come up.) I just feel terrible!" Then do what makes you happy. I have kids, too, and you know the last time i left the country for 2.5 weeks? Never, that's when! Until they were old enough to stay alone, i planned vacations for when they were already going to be with their dad, and had my parents as backups. This b!tch acts this way because she gets away with it. Just like SS acts the way he does. He gets away with it. Until your DH finally hits rock bottom, he will keep exhausting his time and money on these users. Don't help him, it will only prolong it. Hell, what about you going for a solo long weekend?
I would never,, ever make
I would never,, ever make plans to leave the counrty then worry about the child care im a mum too , what if we were not available ? out of town ? moron
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If dropping him off with the
If dropping him off with the 18yo for ovesight, care, and feeding every evening is the plan, the 18yo can put him on the bus for school and pick him up at the bus stop after school.
Or, just take the 11yo and keep it for the entire CP vacation.
This pick up, transport, pick up, transport, drop off, lather, rinse repeat crap is ridiculously complicated.
Or, just say no and tell BM to figure it out with her own family.
No is an answer, and a solution from your end of this fense.
So he decided he will take
So he decided he will take the 11 for the week and 2 weekends back to back as well , i have no say .. he made the known. he doesnt trust that he will go to sleep on time or wake up for school or eat as his 18 year old brother is a moron. so thats that, i also told him to talk to his ex and say that this is the last time, you make vacation plans you make sure your ducks are in a row before hand. He has to do half days at work as well so he can pick up and drop off at school. whatever im not doing it, The thing is i have no say at all. none
If you have no say
Then all care falls on DH. He can get up, feed his DS and get him to BM house, DH can pick up DS after work ? You are disengaged. You do nothing
he is taking half days the 11
he is taking half days the 11 year is just staying with us,, he will wake up take him to school work for a few hours and pick him and bring him home our home..
I would not trust an 18 year
I would not trust an 18 year old for that extended period of time, IMO. Doesn't mean that it's okay for you to be free childcare though.
Let DH know ahead of time you will not be purchasing extra groceries, pick ups/drop offs, etc. If he agrees to it with BM, then HE can be the sole responsible party for 2.5 weeks.
when i call it childcare he
when i call it childcare he gets mad.. thats my boy im his dad,,, blah blah he says what he says i say what i say ,, it using him for child care point blank ,, not in his eyes though. his presious boy
So will she be sending 2.5
So will she be sending 2.5 weeks if CS to cover his needs while at your place or will she be pocketing it for her holiday?
hi he doesnt pay child
hi he doesnt pay child support, that was the agreement a long time ago,,, her and her hubby way make more then we do that was aggreed upon,, we pay the children extra medical and buy the little one things he needs ect ..
I agree- even a responsbile 18 year old
I wouldn't have the expectation that they are backup childcare for a sibling that much younger for weeks at a time.
He has 2 parents, and it sounds like his dad hardly ever sees him. As an outsider that seems like the logical thing. A lot of custody agreements include something for first right of refusal as the babysitting option for the other spouse, because it really is probably what is best for the kid(s)
so it was not full time that
so it was not full time that we talked about ,, my partner would pick up the little one everyday bring him to our house feed him pack his lunch then bring him home to his house to sleep as school is accross from his place,, the older one would just wake him up thats all,, the 11 year old walks acroos the street alone. its not even a busy street its a neibourhood,, its like 3 min walk then my partner would pick him up and repeat
we have him full time on the
we have him full time on the weekends
So, you never get a SKid free
So, you never get a SKid free weekend. What a dipshit move to give BM every weekend kid free so you never get kid free weekend time.
EOWE is the only sane model for local visitation schedule situations. Or EOW. The EWE crap is pure insanity.
We were the CP household and never lived within 1200 miles of the SpermClan. Visitation was set at 7wks across 3 blocks. 5Wks summer, 1Wk winter, 1Wk spring. Even with that we had to play smack the toxic SpermClan into line games far too often.
hi sorry no we have them
hi sorry no we have them every weekend normailly,, with her gone this time we have him full weekend ,, then full week then a full weekend again then my partners mum will take him for the other week ,, mind you my partner had to orginize that as his ex didnt
No her partner has every other weekend parent time
Basically the other parents raise and house the kids full time, and are asking for help with a short break.
Sounds like more lead time would be something they should provide, but I can understand why someone with less then 15% parenting time would be open to taking their child for more days if offered.
If BM needs a break, maybe
If BM needs a break, maybe she should let the dad have more custody time. Dad only sees kid every other weekend because either he didn't want more custody or BM didn't want him to have more custody. The parents (either one or both) chose this arrangement. BM hoarding custody then expecting OP and her husband to jump at her beck and call is unacceptable.
he asked for 50 50 years ago
he asked for 50 50 years ago she didnt want that,, hes a good father ,, she gets a tax break when she has them full time
An EWE NCP is probably on the
An EWE NCP is probably on the hook for CS. So, the NCP pays the CP to house, feed, care for the kid. IMHO NCPs need to keep a foot up the ass of their X to get their money's worth and ensure the CP is delivering on what the CP is paid fo by the NCP.
I would not be married to an NCP who had EWE visitation. Nope. Not a chance. EOWE or EOW would be what I would tolerate. Not a chance in hell I would tolerate an EWE custody/visitation schedule.
Far better to be the full time CP household with a long distance visitation schedule for the NCP to minimize the interferance of the NCP in the CP's life and to minimize interferance of the CP in the NCP's visitation time.
If my mate was an NCP, for damned sure I would insist on no more than half of the weekds being kid invaded.
Also, I would not give a crap about the opposition household getting a break.
If anything, as the NCP, declining a visitation in lieu of a couple trip would be a not infrequenct event if we had been the NCP household with a local visitation schedule.
Exactly. This BM chose to be
Exactly. This BM chose to be the CP. She probably even fought in court to have the kid as much as she does.
Hmmm. I think I'm confused
Hmmm. I think I'm confused and may have missed something. Is visitation EOWE or EWE?
I think OP said it was EOWE.
I think OP said it was EOWE. Which is fine, but having to drop everything for weeks at a time at BM's whim, for me, would not be.
TBH, if "what's best for the
TBH, if "what's best for the child" is all everyone is thinking about (lol), and the kid lives directly across the street from school, you guys should pack a bag and go stay at BM's house. You know, to be as non-disruptive as possible. Make sure and eat all their food and leave the place a mess with a sky-high electric and water bill. See how BM likes having her home disrupted. She chose to leave the country for 2.5 weeks, during school, without arranging childcare. If they make so much money, i bet it's a nice place.
its a very nice place,, we
its a very nice place,, we have no even stepped foot in her house,,cameras everywhere. i heard she has a lovley big soaker tub lol this was by the far the best comment lol
Honestly, I would really do
Honestly, I would really do this. If she thought that her ex and his wife would be sleeping in her bed ( even if you don't, she doesn't need to know) she won't want do this again. Brilliant!
they would never ever ever
they would never ever ever even offer this to us,, plus the 18 year old is there ,, doing nothing just withering away in his stinky room
So don't give her the choice.
So don't give her the choice. "If you want us to look after skid ON YOUR TIME, these are our conditions."
Add someth about stocking up the fridge and freezer before she leaves, too.
This is up to you
DH agreed to his ex terms, you now disengage. DH will do everything , the drops off the pick up's. You can made dinner, what you normally make. I would demand a vacations.[kid free] Starting next month, a weekend to X. Like mothers day weekend. Maybe you can take Monday off to make it a three night thing. And a vacation kid free this summer.