I'm not the audience you addressed your question to, but your travel bug is familiar, so I'll weigh in.
To me, your question isn't about a step situation as much as it is about pairing up with anyone at such a young age. What's the rush to pair up, let alone with someone who has a kid?
Before I married, I traveled all over the world, I lived alone, lived abroad, quit a job on a whim because I just hated it, ripped off wallpaper because I hated it - all things that get messier when you have someone else in your life to consider. The minute you marry or even live with someone, your decisions are compromised, especially if they have kids.
If I could tell young people one thing, it would be to be sure you do what you want before you pair up with someone. Find out who you are and figure out the lifestyle you want and then look for the person who can match that plan. If you do it the other way around, options are shut down before you even realize what you're giving up.
You've identified some things that are important to you because you paired up with this guy. It's not too late to setup your life to have all the travel you want, but you need to seek the path to it. Travel does not happen easily when there are kids. It takes a lot of sacrifice in budget and daily lifestyle to afford three months abroad, but if you plan well, you can do it. I've had a fabulous life and seen nooks of the world other people never even heard of. If I had married young, married someone with young kids, or married someone without a desire to travel, I never would have had those opportunities. Instead I waited, realized how much I want travel to be a normal thing for me, and found someone with the desire and means to do it BIG.
Don't be afraid to end this. He should find someone who is happy with a week at the beach once a year and being a SM. I think you can find a situation that better suits your travel bug. See? Everyone ends up better off.

'But I also don't want to be resentful of him and full of regrets in several years'

Trust me, it won't take several years to feel this way. I'm still with my SO but currently disengaging from SD14 after 7 years to preserve my sanity, deep down I know I was resentful and had regrets from very early on, I sacrificed so many things for the sake of someone else's child.

If part of you feels that he is looking for a babysitter and a housekeeper, there's probably a good reason for that feeling.

Please follow your instincts. Don't give up your life to raise someone else's kid. Especially when he's not even taking your feelings into account.

Option 2: Enjoy your youth.

Oh, Ambr107. That is what many SMs struggle with every day, whether young or old. Raising someone else's child always carries a much bigger risk (and I dare say, lesser reward) than raising your own. Marblefawn is right in the sense too that you have the added struggle about pairing up with anyone at such a young age. However, you do have to take being a SP into account as well, since you will be treated differently by all, since you are a SP and not a parent.

You are also wise to recognize what you could be getting yourself into at such a young age. Most of us, just assumed all would go well and we'd be getting bonus children. You'd be nice to them, they'd be nice back, you'd be respected for being your DH's wife or SO, and whatever you do for them would be appreciated. This is the scenario most SMs are spoon-fed by all. Just be nice, give it time, and everyone will all come around and shortly after marriage or hooking up, you'll all be one happy blended family all wrapped up in a big bow!

Far from the truth. The reality is, SM and SKs don't have anywhere near as much input on how well they get along or things go for them as much as dad AND BM do. If BM is manipulative or controlling or can't move on and bio-dad is weak and enabling = step hell. Even young SKs quickly pick up on who has the power and who to mind and who to ignore. And, this can change. Young SKs that you thought the world of and that appeared to be endeared to you, can suddenly change for little to no reason, as far as you are concerned.

It's always hard to give advice to those future SMs who say "should I or shouldn't I"? We all go into a relationship with some baggage, but the problem with SP is that you are on notice with pretty much all just for carrying the SM label. You marry someone with children and even tho. you are married to your husband, per the judicial, religious and even social communities, your husband, his ex-, and their children have far more rights than you do. This doesn't even really change when the SKs become adults; it just shifts, where they may go directly at you (or dad) now vs. BM, for example.

Here is my opinion: Given that there are so many out there who have no clue about the realities of step-parenting, to the point of many having no problem treating SMs like lesser persons, I actually think 1) If you have no children (bio-free), the best partner for you is going to be someone else with no children. You are going to be making most of the sacrifices for your husband and his children. What sacrifices is he going to be making for you? And, 2) I would even go so far as to say that the number of kids each couple has should be similar in number, pretty much for the same reason. Let's say you have one kid and he has four, for example. You and your one kid are going to have the much bigger adjustment. I know you can't put a number on fairness, but no one should go into a marriage carrying 90% of the adjustment.

May seem like funny math, but it just seems to me that society expects EVERY SP to settle for being sloppy seconds. And, maybe that makes sense, to have a more-so marriage of convenience, if you have kids, he has kids, and so on. But, for a single person, they will have no clue what they are getting into. AND, the sad thing is, if society wasn't so hell bent on blaming SMs for everything and treating them like lesser beings, even then it could maybe work. But, for a single person, w/o kids, to marry some man with kids and then have her legal, 100% legit. marriage thought of as a sloppy seconds, lesser marriage that no one has to recognize, it is just too much. It will break your heart. The day you go to one of your SK's weddings, it will suddenly all make sense and become very clear of what you gave up and how society views SMs in general. You will realize you will not only NOT get any recognition for what you have done and sacrificed, but you will realize that society intends to punish you for it as well. My two cents, anyway.

Why would you have to be a full time stay at home SM? It seems like your SO is taking advantage of you. He is still the parent and he should be taking on the majority of parenting tasks when his child is with you.

If you're in your early 20s and not yet married to this man, then my advice would be to let him go. You'll regret not living your live more in your early 20s and if it's meant to be, he'll still be there and still be single after you've had 10 years or so to explore the world.

It will be hard, but as someone who got married in my late 30s, I'm so grateful that I spent my 20s and most of my 30s out exploring the world and living life. That would be my biggest piece of advice to anyone in their early 20s - go out, experience life, live in as many different places as possible, try things you've always wanted to try, don't "settle down" before you've had some life experience.

Ohhh please don't give up your dream of travel and adventure. I also had that travel/ adventure bug. I was raised into a family of NON risk takers. They felt moving an hour away was like moving across the country. I didn't follow my dream due to lack of support and fear. I really wish I had. I settled for a crappy marriage/ step mom hell and 11 years of awful with my XH. I did get a wonderful BS out of the marriage but by the time I was free to do for me again (BS is launched) I was already back in a marriage and stephell. It isn't as bad this time as I love my DH and he is an amazing man and my best friend. But I would love to get back to the life of less stuff and more money to travel. I'm working on it.

Had I to do it all over again, I would have taken off immediately after college and travelled the world before settling down.

Please don't deny yourself this life. You will forever regret it and resent your SO.

Except in very rare and strong circumstances the odds of success in this type of relationship are poor In my opinion.
If your DH cant care for his own children, support your career, education, etc.... and the two of you be equity life partners to each other and equity parents to any children your home regardless of kid biology I would say the view isnt worth the climb. Particularly considering you are a young woman with goals, dreams, etc....

Dont sacrifice yourself on the alter of Sparental martyrdom.

Live your life, find a man who can be your equity life partner rather than draining your youth and vitality as a live in nurse maid for his prior relationship progeny. When you are ready and when you have found that guy then make a family and live a life together. A life that the two of you can pursue hand in hand.

That is not to say that there are not examples of blended family marriages that are incredible for both partners where both partners have the support of the other and have careers, travel together, raise amazing children together(regardless of spawn biology), and are very happy... However, those examples are so few and far between that even I would not recommend rolling the dice with such a low probability of success. And I consider my marriage to my amazing bride to be a wonderful one for both of us. We raised SS-25 to be a young man of character and of standing in his profession and community. We did that by committing to being equity life partners and being equity parents to the Skid. We did it by putting our marriage and each other first. During our 23+ year marriage together we have completed 3 degrees (a Master's for me and a BS and Masters for her), attained professional certifications (one apiece), had successful careers, traveled the world, and remain very close with our kid. We met when SS was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2 during the last semester of my 11yr undergrad career and her first semester off college out of HS. We teamed to battle the SpermClan and minimize their toxic influence on our son and on our marriage and family. We have done it all together.

She is the one that brought a kid into the relationship. I have no BKs. If I had a strong drive to spawn I am not confident that we would have had the incredible marriage that we do.

If you are not highly confident in the outcome of this relationship and if you want kids of your own, to complete your education, to have an amazing career, to travel the world ..... Dont do it. The odds of success are about slim and none.

Just my thoughts of course.

Take care of you.

Good luck.

He honestly does not sound all that great. He expects you to make his meals, clean his house, car for his child and guilt trips you if it is not to his liking? He lets his family walk all over you? You have no right to peace in your own house? He gives his family money and lets them stay without your consent? He promised you would travel but has now rescinded? What is great about him? He sounds like a nightmare with a nightmare family. run, run, run.

Life is short. Raising someone else's children is hard. In the end you may end up resenting him and his child if you are unable to explore your own life. 20 turns into 30 and before you know it you will be middle aged with an un-stamped passport. The life of a stay at home mom isn't what it is cracked up to be.

I don't think most marriages are what they're supposed to be. Ditto on having kids. These ideas are shoved down our throats so much, no one even considers not buying into it. Then when they get there, they lie to themselves about how unfulfilling it really is, or they're honestly miserable.
There's another way to do things. It doesn't follow the template. It takes confidence and self reliance but you're making choices that make sense for you and you're not afraid of being alone. You don't shack up just because you like the guy; you don't marry just because you're shacking up; you don't have kids just because you're married.
Get married when the guy is truly the right guy, not just the guy who makes you hot, who shares your bed or the one who asked you out.
I hate how many great women I see compromised by lousy spouses because they wanted kids or they wanted to plan a big wedding. I can't imagine any greater hell than having a kid with the wrong person.
Yea, I'm soap boxing a little. But you're situation was how it was done 75 years ago. It's 2017. Take advantage of all the opportunities our foremothers fought to get us.

He doesn't parent or stay home w/his kid but you get to, this sounds a bit off balanced. I'm probably old enough to be your mom so I'll tell you what I'd tell my 22 yr old daughter. Go and be free! You're only young once. Pack your bags, buy a ticket and leave. This guy will be fine w/out you and soon replace you w/another woman who wants to stay at home. He'd be better off snagging a single mother instead of someone w/dreams.

Seriously, make plans for the kid and leave. Best of luck to you.

I think that the problems you are worried about are not your actual problems...

There is no reason why you need to be raising his child. He needs to be raising his child. He can pay for daycare, a babysitter, opair, someone. You go out and get a job. You make your own money, and pay your own expenses. The child is solely his problem, and not yours.

I do exactly as much for my SS4 as I enjoy doing. I enjoy reading him bedtime stories, so I do it. I enjoy playing with him, so I do it. I do not enjoy washing his hair or bathing him, so I refuse. I not enjoy forcing a 4 year old to eat, so DH handles that. I do not enjoy disciplining a 4 year old, so DH handles that. I do not babysit, unless its for a short period of time and DH has provided activities to keep SS occupied during that time so I do not have to. I have been pretty unyielding on my refusal to be left alone with SS for extended periods, and DH has simply had to accommodate me and deal with it.

You are viewing the child as your responsibility, and you are allowing your BF to make the child your responsibility. You are not required to love his child, you are required to treat the child with respect and model good behavior and that's pretty much were your obligations end. You do not need to stay home because of the child, and you do not need to miss out on life because of the child, as you have no obligations to care for the child.

If I want to travel, I take time off work and I travel. If the trip is appropriate for a 4 year old, SS comes with us and DH watches/takes care of him. If the trip is not appropriate for a 4 year old, DH needs to find childcare. If he can't, I go with a friend, or I go by myself. In the past year I have been to Germany, Poland, the florida keys, New York, Disney World, and a about a half a dozen other places within a few hours drive of my home. SS4 has been on approximately half the trips, DH on 90% of them. I have a job, so if I want to go somewhere, I am prepared to pay for it. And yes, on occasion my wanderlust and general refusal to spend weekends at home has meant paying for the whole trip instead of half of it so my DH can afford to go, but that's really my choice and up to me, its my money and I can spend it how I want.

You have no job so you have no money. You cannot make decisions. You follow your boyfriends rules and care for the child because he has the control over your lives. That kind of thing needs to stop immediately. Its his child, hes 100% responsible for it, it is not your problem. You go out and get a job and what you do with the money beyond half your living expenses is up to you. It's your life, live it. The child has only as much of an impact as you allow it to have.

You are entitled to have a career and travel even when in a long term relationship. He is not entitled to expect you to be a full time stay at home Mom to a child he had with another woman. How convenient for him! Explain to him that you do love him but you love yourself also, hopefully more. Your dreams are not his dreams. Eventually you will resent him a lot, probably resent him now. You can of course spend time with the child at weekends if you want to but.....you are in the drivers seat here. Write down all the things you want to do with your life and see if there is room for HIM and his daughter.

I'm a young stepparent in my early twenties and it was rough, but yes, we still got romance and travel. We did it without SD - she'd stay with her mother in the summer or we'd have his family watch her. Now we've been together for a few years and just recently had a baby and it's wonderful. I don't feel so much like I'm raising someone else's child and giving things up, because we're a family and i'm raising both children who are siblings, ya know? I'm really happy. BUT it took a lot to get where we are and it wasn't always easy. I love my husband though, a ton, and I feel very lucky to have him by my side in life. ]

If you're feeling like a babysitter now that feeling will only intensify as you get older. Raising someone else's child will end up becoming a no-win situation for you especially when he and/or his family insists on pulling the trump card in every situation that arises with the child.

Don't waste your youth. This man, his family, and his child, as he grows older, will never in a million years appreciate that level of sacrifice. You could easily become an unappreciated doormat in this scenario. Listen to that little voice in your head that's telling you to pay attention and proceed with caution. Even the fact that you're HERE is telling you something.

This is similar to my situation. I got with my S/O at the age of 17. He was a teen dad and had a 14 month old when we started dating. If I had known what I was getting myself into, I would have never entered the relationship. I'm 21 currently and we're still together with a baby of our own now. I missed out on so much and I still am. I had to deal with a custody trial during my pregnancy and it really took the joy away from me with S/O being stressed and upset. Also having to fork out thousands of dollars just so he could see his son. I'm not necessarily regretful but if I could have a do-over I might have done something different.

Listen to your gut! Or you can end up like me having a dh, who even at our ages he was 72, and I was 62 and after 25 years together we had not been able to go on an overnight trip without having his 47 ds calling constantly from the minute we left for the trip, sometimes as much as 8 times in one day because he wanted his df attention. Nothing sucks more than being in a hotel room cuddling and being intimate first thing in the morning and then a couple minutes later dh phone rings and dh has to stop to respond to his overgrown 300+lb tadpole. We were gone for one night and even that was too much time away from his df.

You probably think that once your man's ds becomes an adult that you and your dh will be footloose and fancy free to do and travel as much as you want, please read all the posters that this is rarely the case as the skid will still come first in regards to money and time spent no matter how old the skid is. My ss was a middle aged man with hair that was starting to turn white and he still came first in my marriage with dh. At the end my dh divorced me because of his ds, I dared to complain of all the time dh was spending with him.

You are young and you have an illness that may prevent you later on to enjoy the things life has to offer. The best thing you can do is move out, and if the relationship is meant to be you will end up together again. But give yourself the benefit of the doubt.

I can definitely relate. I got together with DH at 29 and although I had done a lot of travel, including living overseas, I still had plans to do several more long trips of 2-3 months each. However, that wasn’t possible once I started dating a man with two children in nappies and I honestly grieved for the life I lost for years.

I’ve been a step-parent now for 10 years and I can honestly say it’s the hardest and most unrewarding job in the world and if I could go back now I would never choose this life for myself. It’s hard to even like someone else’s kids, let alone love them. Either way – you will resent them for the negative impact on your life!

Although the depression and the negativity of the first few years has lifted, I’ve never really been able to view my skids as anything other than a burden/chore that I just have to deal with. I never miss them when they are BM’s and I absolutely LIVE for our kid-free weekends. My situation is probably not helped by the fact that I really dislike my SD12 – she’s just one of those awful kids that only a biological parent could love.

All of the above aside, I think you’re far too young to be settling down full stop – especially for a man with a child. Either way, the only way I think it can work (and has worked for me) is if you truly have a relationship based on equality and respect and I don’t think you have that. The fact that your partner dumps his kid on you all the time and allows his family to do whatever they want equals no respect for you in my books.

If you feel the way you do now then it’s almost certain that you will be in for a life of resentment and regret if you stay and please trust all of us step-mothers when we say – you don’t want that!

Move on and go live your life and fulfil your dreams!