Where is your DH in this?  How old are you? Kids ages?  Married?  Please give us some more info so we van help you.  

Well, change the word stepkids to Joeschmo and the stupidity will become more obvious, “When it comes to Joeschmo, meaning you should take his abuse, disrespect, ignoring, and also pay for his things because ‘love is love’ and you should love Joeschmo and tolerate that behavior no matter what.”

I was reading thru your blogs.  With your DH out of the picture, in a perfect world, the SD would have no presence in your life.  It sounds like you are still trying to come to terms with happenings from the past.  That's what I'm doing on Steptalk, too, trying to make sense of it all.  I gave a lot, too, still am in some ways.  It has taken years to come to terms with it all.  

I agree with the other posters, if any of them are asking you for anything, the answer is no.  I have one who is still playing the " love" card but ive told her and DH not one cent more.

You sound like a kind person.  I get the feeling you are understandably having a hard time moving on.

The poor cod have been through so much and all they need is love, eventually they will come around!!

meanwhile you are expected to take the disrespect, abuse, some here had false abuse allegations brought upon them by bio mum and skids where child services were involved and had to look at stepmums own kids from a prior marriage or of that particular marriage or relationship because skid needed to get back

all kids need rules and structure, thats how we survive in this world respecting other’s boundaries etc.... 

skid relationship had no biological connection so any positive relationship is dependent on both wanting a relationship which won’t happen when skids are allowed to abuse you because they are cod... 

i was a cod, never did i get a free pass to be a little shithead

i tell my husband the fact you are a guilty disney dad that takes skid abuse does not mean me and our you g kids together should be subjected to the same abuse and what kind of father allows his adult or teenage kids use our little ones as pawns in their abuse and manipulation or abuse us regularly?? Is he proud of that fuckery?? Because they do not set any good examples and i am well within my rights as the primary carer of our kids to ban contact because i do not trust skids

when my husband is in his head in the sand mode and claims he doesn’t believe his kids with exwife have negative harmful or hateful intentions i remind him of the facts of their behaviour and what they’ve said and its radio silence from him...

they expect to treat hubby like shit and then play the pity me card

No one is forced to have a relationship with people that are toxic... family included.  If your husband is no longer in the picture.. and these Skids are adults.. I don't see why you are obligated to have any relationship with them period???  

If DH is not in the picture, you are free to terminate relationship with stepkids.

'Is it reasonable to live by the mantra "love is love" '

I think that would depend entirely on what you're smoking ... It's my opinion that any half-decent relationship requires communication, trust and respect. IF you don't have that then you have nothing and whining about the importance of love is pointless. 

What makes you ask this?

That's not love. That's usery and abuse. And anyone telling you to endure abuse to feel loved is seriously sick.

Abuse, disrespect, etc. is definitely NOT love. So "love is love" doesn't even make any sense in this context. It's a convenient platitude used to make you feel like you SHOULD love these people and therefore do what they want. 

But this isn't how love works. My parents demonstrated love to me by, among other things, setting boundaries, providing expectations, punishing me when necessary, and basically expecting me to be a decent,contributing human. My Mom would have just laughed if I told her she needed to do xyz because "love is love."

You're experiencing simple manipulation, not love in any sense of the word.

What idiot came up with this crap?

smh

Love is action. It is not the tingly feeling full of warm fuzzies.  The whole concept of "unconditional" lve is just naive at best and down right stupid at worst IMHO.

The whole.... "I know he/she is an asshole, but I loooove him/her sooooo much. He/she is my soul mate, the love of my life, etc....." is pure idiocy IMHO. An asshole is an asshole. They do not earn love and that so many people fall for the "but I love them" crap is mind boggling to me. I am not immune from that state of idiocy. My XW was an adulterous whore for our entire relationship from our engagement through our divorce. I was all in. I loooooved her, I was stubborn and did not see myself as a divorce'.  It was that 2.5 years of marital hell that evolved my love is earned perspective.  I earned it, she didn't.  That experience made me a far better husband than I would have otherwise been.  I am blessed to have an amazing woman to pursue life's journey with and one I would go to the ends of the earth to earn the love of.  She does the same for me.

So many people, primarily children, have been sacrificed to the concept of unconditional love.

My DW has a cousin (her first cousin's eldest) who is so hell bent on having someone to love her unconditionally that she is squeezing out out of wedlock children by a growing list of baby daddies because her crackhead idiot disgusting mother and absent father have never "loved" her.  It is so pathetic that her younger sisters are following in her footsteps.  She is the eldest of 3 girls by two different baby daddies through their common waste of skin mother.  The sad part is that she is an intelligent and very capable young woman who is hell bent on wasting her life on this insane quest.  She finds a new BF, who invariably is the love of her life, he knocks her up then fails miserably to live up to her pathetic immature vision of prince charming, she runs him off with her pathetic crap, then she squeezes out her next supplier of unconditional love. I feel for her children. 

And I feel for her younger sisters. Number two just had her first OOWL unconditional love child and I fear #3 is not far behind.

Love is action.  Action builds the feelings. The continued investment of love action is what results in "unconditional" life long love.  As much as it may be off putting, this includes the love for and of a child. Those worthy of love earn it. Babies and toddlers are easy to love. As they grow up love for them increasingly is determined by their behaviors.  At some point their behavior no longer earns love... at least with some kids.  

I wish my DW's cousin would realize that she isn't doing herself or any of the as yet to be determined number of OOWL children she is breeding as her unconditional love minions any favors.

Sure, love is love, but more importantly... it should have to be earned.  The actions of love are like a bank account.  Loving action builds a balance that serves to maintain love through times when actions of love may be rare.  This is a short shelf live asset though.  The actions of love have to be taken regularly and withdrawals from the account have to be reasonably rare.

Probably far too male a perspective, but, that is how I see it.

IMHO of course.