Yes you will be called the home wrecker, yes the kids will resent you for ripping the family apart and yes the family will not be welcomed to the idea of you, even if you were not the cause of the break-up and there was years of divorce between the ex-wife and the new-wife being a step parent and dealaing with an ex-wife/mother of the kids is a huge under taking, now in your case, you will be called the other woman that caused damage and distruction to the famiily so add that factor in to your new romance...your relationship will be paved with so much stress.

Nobody here will dismiss your feelings of the heart, It's your heart. but sometimes it's best to use ones head in a case like this, I know you care for this man and your dreams of being together are very romantic, however you will have a huge price to pay...years and years of the family/kids hating you. keep an open mind to the fact that when one door closes another will open, you are a bright and strong woman... there are many men in the sea,just when you least expect it Mr. Right will come along....blended families are hard enough as it is...in your case being the other woman...it is almost doomed to fail.

I read some where last week that new marriages that start with affairs and have skids involved have a %90 fail rate.

Sorry to be so bleak. The kids will probably hate you because BM will fill their heads with how she feels and thinks of the situation. BM will be after revenge and live to ruin your marriage.... among many other obstacles.

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(http://www.emotionalaffair.org/when-affair-partners-marry-9-reasons-why-...)

9 Defects When Affair Partners Marry

The intervention of reality. During the affair the affair partners are in an intense state of stimulating unreality. The second marriage itself seems to be the switch that illuminates the mess that has accumulated. To them it was as if the romance appeared real while the divorce didn’t. Only after their marriage did the divorce become real enough to see that it was a horrible mistake. They were so caught up in the infatuation that they never got around to figuring out if what they were doing was sane.

Guilt. People who have wrecked a family have inflicted much pain. As reality sets in they see many things they were overlooking. They may have no or little guilt during the affair and divorce, so the guilt they feel after the remarriage may come as a complete surprise to both of them and they may not know how to handle that revelation.

Disparity of Sacrifice. Divorces are expensive both financially and emotionally. Anyone losing a great deal will be drained, exhausted and depressed. It is particularly difficult when the exhausted partner marries one who feels triumphant that they have won the battle and took them away from their family. When affair partners marry, the new couple may feel a disparity in what had to be sacrificed to bring them together. They may not understand the emotion that was involved and what they had to give up in order to be together.

Expectations. Then there is the feeling that anything that cost that much emotionally had better be worth it. The greater the sacrifices, the greater the expectations for the new marriage. They believe that everything will be perfect just as their affair was. Unfortunately, what they will find is the ordinariness of real life. The more people enjoy the battles involved in wrecking and escaping marriages, the less they are likely to enjoy the business as usual of the new marriage.

General distrust of marriage and of the affair partners. It is obvious that when affair partners marry at some point in their marriage they will begin to question if their new spouse will also cheat on them. How can a marriage that began as a lie have any trusting foundation?

Divided loyalties. During the affair and the divorce the affair couples isolate themselves. They not only erase the betrayed spouse from their awareness, but also the children, relatives, friends, etc. They live in their own little world protected from the devastation that they have created, safe from anyone who tries to pull them apart. After the remarriage, they long to reconnect with these people only to find that is not so easy. Everyone involved is hurt by the betrayal and not as forgiving as they have expected. They often find that they only have each other and that can be very lonely.

Romance. People who are in love with romance, or in love with being in love as Dr. Huizenga would say, do not understand the physics of relationships. When the romance fades, romantics know little about how to solve those problems. Rather, they believe that they have just fallen out of love. They do not understand how to have a deeper more meaningful relationship. They move on from romance to romance never finding true lasting love.

Blaming the betrayed spouses. During the affair and the divorce the affair couples convince each other that the defective marriage was the fault of the betrayed spouse. To acknowledge otherwise, now that the remarriage has taken place, seems a betrayal of the rescue fantasies that fed the affair in the first place.

Unshared history. Even if a new marriage survives all of these obstacles, there is one further characteristic of second marriages: the absence of a shared history that brings familiarity to relationships that begin earlier in life.

If an affair wrecked the first marriage, the history is painful and embarrassing for both parties. They also have a difficult time discussing the past because it may promote jealousy and insecurity. When affair partners marry, they do not want to hear the good qualities of the previous marriage and spouses. They also don’t want to hear about all the good times they had shared. They are literally starting over and trying not to bring the past with them. Often times this can be lonely and disheartening, and eventually causes them to forget who they really are.

I believe that most of us (betrayed spouses) realize that many of these defects would play out similarly if our spouses chose to leave and marry their affair partner. I am pretty confident that none of these obstacles were discussed or even thought about while our spouses were involved in their affairs. I imagine that it would probably take awhile before the fog lifted and the consequences of their actions were realized.

My new husbsand has been divorced for 10 years before I came along and we are under so much stress at present dealing with a bitter ex-wife you have no idea. In my past dating experience I NEVER dated a man who was married, seperated or recently divorced...SINGLE SINGLE SINGLE is my rule.

And, I forgot to mention...you better make lots of money becouse divorces, alimony and child support are very expensive, so be prepared to carry alot of the finacial side of the relationship, unless he makes over six figures or your willing to support him you can forget the yearly romanic trips to the tropics.

Read the posts on here from the stepmothers and second wives etc... and let that educate you on the matter...make the right choice.

On your profile it says you are in Australia? and you mentioned your on a visa?...good lord gurl if I were you I would have put more energy into landing a single hunky surfer from down under with a degree...lol...I know this has been my third post to you but I am so hurt for you, dont fall for it please, if his marriage is in trouble then he needs to do what he needs to do and you need to distance yourself from the pending rath of a divorce, court dates, drama, hurt and confussed kids...how anyone can start a new healthy romantic relationship under these pretences is beyond me.

I have no respect for men who do this (have affairs) sure his marriage is in trouble and might have been for a while, you were a nice little diversion from reality, the reality of being married with children and responsibilities, I'm sure he misses his freedom and bachlor days but he made the choice to marry her. Only 2% of married men leave the wife for the mistress and half of those adultress relationships end in a years time

You need to put yourself in the shoes of the other woman (his wife)I'm sure she is going through hell trying to hold her family together...maybe she is a bitch, cow, etc....I'm sure he's painting a horrible picture of her...what if you were married and your husband was doing this to you, well my ex-husband did it to me (we had no children thank god)8 years of my life down the drain so he could have a fling in another country on mulitple bussiness trips. I found the e-mails they wrote and I was devastated, sick to my stomach and my recovery was long after I filed for divorce.
Sad thing is he was playing me and her, living two seperate lives...you have no idea what he is telling you, maybe its want you want to hear to string you along.

If I were you I would extend my visa if possible and move on, or if you cant stay in Australia then come home but take another job on the otherside of the country. You need distance yourself from it...you need to cut off all communication, emails etc...be the bigger person and tell yourself you are worthy of so much more, yes it will hurt for a bit just like any failed romance, but 99.9 % of women on here will tell you to do the same thing, RUN , made us proud and RUN !

No worries, you can add me as a friend if you want to talk and keep in touch, you have support here if you want it, Cheers mate!

You are setting yourself up for the worst disaster you will ever live through. The hostility and hate will be overwhelming. Your BF will drown in guilt eventually. He does not know what he is doing. You are hopelessly in love with the excitement of a romance that is like a dream right now. If you do marry and set up house together it will be humdrum compared to the exciting affair. Who knows? Maybe your new DH will find it boring and find another chicky to excite him part-time.

Money.....well your DH has huge obligations to his children and possibly exwife if he has to pay Child support and alimony. He won't be able to afford much more than a cardboard box to live in. You will essentially be supporting him and his kids.

These kids will never like you - and as you can see from the posts here - being a SM is extremely difficult even when the couple meets under respectable circumstances. You won't stand a chance. Your love-life will not be all candles and romance once 3 kids start invading your space. It will be screaming, messes, crying, whining and basic chaos while your guilt driven DH will do anything he can to appease these messed up kids.

I don't know what else to say, but I would run far and run fast. Your heart will heal. You will find love again. Do not communicate with him in any way if you decide to stay away. Don't give in to your weakness. Go to counselling and get strong. If you marry this man you WILL REGRET IT, I am sure of it.

You won't like what I have to say on this, but hon, if he hasn't left his wife yet and it's been 2 years, he has no intention of leaving his wife. You're a convenience.

Sorry but I am going to be a bit honest and say here, no matter what he has told you, if he really, truly wanted to be with you, irrespective of the children he would have left. He hasn't, so good chance he is riding on the wave of you still wanting to be with him. While there may be no doubt he loves you - it is obviously he loves his wife more - no matter what he tells you. I have been a victim of this ploy and I can tell you, it doesn't end well for the one who is the third wheel

Honestly, when two people get involved while they're still in other relationships, what are the chances they are in a mentally healthy state of mind to be a productive partner to someone else?

IMO, relationships that grow on a foundation of lies are destined to fail.

There's no doubt, his kids WILL resent you, & with good reason. His ex WILL hate you, though that isn't the worst of what will come from her. You WILL face judgement from both sides, from people you need for support. I'm not sure how you're able to see happy-ever-after coming as a result...?

We've read it time-&-time again here...true love...blah, blah, blah. It ISN'T enough. It isn't enough when you DO have the support of family & friends. It isn't enough when your relationship is built on a strong foundation. It certianly isn't enough when you have no support & your relationship has been built on lies.

The two of you do NOT have a healthy relationship & it sounds like neither of you are in a state-of-mind that ALLOWS you to be healthy together. Your relatioship has been built on sneaking & lying & hiding. That doesn't make you a great team. That just makes you both deceptive people working together.

He IS a stereotypical cheater. He lied to his wife, got found out, stayed with her & went right back to running again. That IS typical. That is NOT a good man, & for you to trust him with your life, you ARE naive.

What was the point in you moving to the other side of the world? You created a physical distance, but the contact...the emotional cheating is clearly still going on.

If he didn't want to be with her, he wouldn't be. It's simple. He's got EXACTLY what he wants right now. He has the family life with his wife & his kids & he's got his little "ego-boost" he's stringing along.

Not trying to judge. Just being very honest. You're already "the other woman". His wife knows it. I guarantee you, if she hasn't fed their children with that information yet, she will. You'll be the reason their family is broken, & don't think that any one of them will allow you to forget it for a minute.

When you turn to your family & friends for support, be prepared to hear "You brought this on yourself", "You made your bed...", etc, & they'll be right.

Do yourself, this cheating man, & these children a favor. When you come back, don't make contact. Have the decency to leave them to sort out their family issues. Don't email. Don't Skype. Don't FB. Love yourself enough to find a man who wants to be with you & only you. If you'll distance yourself (cut ALL ties) from this guy, you'll be in a much better place to be emotionally available to a man who isn't already committed to someone else.

He IS a cheater. Bottom line. You better run now, and find someone who is not married or in a relationship.

You are NOT going to ever have a happily ever after with this man. Trust me on that.

I think people overall understand that we can't help who we fall in love with, HOWEVER, what we do with it is a different story.
In a website where most women's marriages are being broken up by skids and ex's, I don't have much sympathy for someone who breaks up a marriage period. If he even left his wife for you, someday those kids will try to break you up and at that point, I have to say, THEY WOULD HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO DO IT BACK TO YOU. So, rethink this as I think you really have more issues than this. Anybody who goes after someone who is already committed to someone else, has major self-esteem issues.

If you break up that family, you deserve all the hell BM and his sons will dish out.

If he wanted to leave his wife, he would have left by now.

My ex husband cheated ALL the time. And he told a lot of those women what your guy is telling you. That he'd leave me and our kids to be with them. He told them the sweetest most romantic things. You'd have thought he was truly in love. I thought that about the first one. I told him if he wanted to leave, then go. That I wouldn't stand in his way. A little less about the second. By the third time I knew he didn't love any of them, just wanted the thrill of the chase and the sex. He never did leave me for any of them. I finally wised up and left HIM.

Honey, he's not leaving her for you. He's stringing you along for the thrill. And putting his kids and wife through hell. Maybe he's really unhappy, but he's obviously not willing to leave his family and do anything about it.

Those kids will hate you. His ex wife will make your life hell. His family will probably hate you too. And what would happen if he DID leave her? He'd probably do the same thing to you. Would you want to go through that? Put any possible children through that?

Run. End all contact and let yourself heal. Then go find a good man.

You say that you try to cut ties but he keeps finding you and pressing contact. Just because he does that, doesn't mean you have to respond!

It is hard to see clarity when you are in the middle of the situation but if you blocked him from any way to get in contact with you...and, if he managed to find a way, you IGNORED that contact, you'd gradually come out of this fog and find a nice AVAILABLE guy who would be with you the way you DESERVE. Not just string you along IN CASE his marriage failed.

Try. Seriously try to imagine your life WITH him. Imagine that he leaves his wife and children behind. Imagine the years of dealing with kids who hate you, an ex-wife who does everything in her power to make your lives miserable and break you up. Imagine years and years of you being the primary bread-winner because the majority of his money is going towards alimony and child support and lawyer payments. Then fast forward to you two having children together. But yet your children are never as important as the kids he had with his first wife. And so much money is still being diverted to them that your children are not able to have everything you want for them. Fast forward a bit more and put yourself in place of his CURRENT wife when you find out he found yet ANOTHER piece of tail and is telling her that he wants to leave YOU and YOUR children for HER.

TRULY FEEL WHAT THIS WIFE IS FEELING NOW. Cheaters can only cheat when someone is willing to have sex with someone who is already married. If his marriage sucked that bad and he really WAS your soulmate, he would have left and started divorce proceedings by now.

My FIL married the woman he cheated with. My DH is 25 and his sister is 28. FIL and his wife have been together for 10 years and he has been divorced for about 6. He too always told the woman that he would leave for her, he never did. MIL finally got tired of it and kicked his ass out. He lived on his own for about a month, "out of respect" for the kids (who weren't even kids anymore) and then moved in w this woman.

My DH and SIL do NOT like this woman. They refuse to be around her. For a long time, FIL's family supported them. DH's grandmother didn't want to meet the woman who broke up her son's family. About two years he finally forgave her and agreed to meet her but everyone still puts my DH and SIL first. At weddings, birthday parties, anything. If FIL takes his wife, they won't go, so she is never invited. A cousin of DH's got married last year and I guess FIL figured enough time had past he was going to take her. She bought a dress, she was invited to go (according to said cousin's mom). When SIL arrived to the bachelorette party, she saw the woman and walked right out. She called FIL and told him off and called her cousin and said she was really sorry she would not be going to the wedding and DH of course said he wouldn't go either. Well, two days before the wedding guess who had to put her dress away and stay home? That's right, his wife.

I feel bad for her, but FIL is so guilty about all of this that he never demands respect for her and lets absolutely everyone walk all over her. I really don't know how she does it. It really seems like FIL is only with her because he doesn't want to be alone. FIL makes quite a bit of money, and he tried to help his wife open a shop. I say tried because when DH and SIL found out, they made him feel so guilty about it he stopped and she closed after about 3 months. DH will also not let FIL take SS around his wife. They have gotten into terrible fights about this, tot he point where they stop talking for MONTHS at a time and FIL has to go through BM just to see his grandson. It is AWFUL.

I really feel so bad for her but as much as I try to fight for her and show DH her side of things, he is so blinded by hate I get no where. His whole family treats her like shit and I just can't even imagine the life she leads. She and FIL have no kids together, but she has kids and I know they hate FIL, how could they not after seeing the way he lets everyone treat her? It is all just a terrible mess.

Let me also mention that MIL never spoke ill of their father, but she did cry days on end for almost a year. She lost about 60 lbs. She was seriously depressed and DH and SIL saw this. She didn't NEED to say anything, they saw how upset she was and that was enough to hate this woman forever.

And of course, they don't blame FIL. He is their father and it doens't matter that he broke his vows and he was the one who was supposed to be commited to his family, the only one who messed up and ruined everything was the other woman.

Do you want to live like this your whole life? Believe me, I love DH more than I can say and we too had a sort of whirlwing romance and everything was sunshine and raibows for a long time. But after the magic wore off and the hard reality set in, being a SM is hard as fuck and more often than not, my life is a hot mess! And this is even WITH my family and DH's family's support. And this is with a somewhat decent SS who thinks of me as a friend and likes me. I can't even IMAGINE what I would do if I didn't have everyone's support and the SS hated me. If I think twice about it now, I sure as hell wouldn't be here if things were worse.

Forget about the fact that this ia an affair, right or wrong it has already happened. But can you live with the consequences for the rest of your life?

EDA: This may be a worst case scenario. There may be other who it did work out for, but how do you know on which side of the scale your life will fall?

My Ex-mother in law found her "soul mate" once also... he was a cop, married... kids and was only staying in the marriage for the kids. It was really strange. Our whole family knew him, he came to family functions, he was my mother in laws boyfriend... then he would go home to his wife and kids, whom he told that he was "working". Crazy cop shifts, he got away with just abuot anything. My exHusband never excepted the relationship and wouldn't speak to him. YEARS AND YEARS went by and he would PROMISE my MIL that he was leaving his wife, and he was only staying for the kids...

My ExH and I divorced 8 years ago. MIL started dating this guy before Ex and I even started dating so that was.. 15 YEARS ago. Guess where MIL is?? Living with my ExH, STILL dating this guy who STILL promises her he will leave his wife and he is just "staying for the kids". My God, how old are his kids now?!?!!?

Just sayin...

I think the people involved in the marriage are the ones responsible for it and therefor the ones responsible if it breaks up. No woman can force a man to leave his wife. If the man is not happy in his marriage it is because of his own issues with his wife. People need to accept responsibility for their own parts in the failure of any marriage.

OP, you know this man isn't good for you. You tried to "get away" from him because you know he isn't the one for you. You just faltered in the committment department (getting away.)

What these ladies have said here is true, and I'm betting you agree. You just need to find a little backbone and self respect, and commit to being a better you. A you who doesn't "pimp" yourself out to married men. A you who doesn't believe a man's lies and call them "good." A you who has a man who is available to you, emotionally, physically, mentally, etc.
He's still with his wife. Let that sink in.
He KNEW you tried to "get away" and yet tracked you down and continued communications with you. What kind of selfish bastard does that?? Oh, yeah. A selfish cad does. When you truly love a person, you want what is best for THEM, not what is best for YOU. Your "man" is only after his interests.

I fully believe what one of the other posters said "no woman can force a man to leave a marriage". And that there was obviously other issues in the marriage going on to make this man feel it was "ok" to cheat on his wife. I don't believe OP is to blame for the demise of this relationship.

(wait for it... this isn't going where you think it is)

What IS her fault is:

Entertaining the ego of a married man, by engaging in an inappropriate relationship. We, as woman, should have enough self respect to stay away from other women's husbands. I can assure you that I don't want some other woman tempting MY husband. Even the BEST men have urges, and moments of weakness. We should not contribute to this.

You are right OP, you should have walked away before it happened and waited for him to be divorced, IF he was ever in fact going to get a divorce. The problem is, you shouldn't have a discussion with a married man like this in the first place. You should have kept your desires to yourself, he is a married man.

Once you made the mistake of being with him, you admittedly tried to "do the right thing" and stop the relationship, and moved away. You should have left the ties cut. Change your phone number, email, block FB accounts... any means of contact should have been severed if you were TRULY trying to do the right thing. ONE of you had to have made the first move in reconnecting after you moved around the world. Shame on you for giving in.

If he cheated on her, chances are, he will do it again. Do you really want a man that decided to find a new "soul mate" when times get hard with the current "soul mate". I can assure you, that he once was as IN LOVE with his wife, as he says he is with you. I sure don't. I want a man who is going to be loyal to me, even if we are having hard times. If his marriage was THAT BAD, he should have just left... and THEN dated. Instead he decided to try having the best of both worlds, and got caught.

I am not here to judge you. That is not my job. What I am here to do, is to point out that "techinically" you are what is labeled as a "homewrecker". What you are doing is the definition of a "homewrecker". You have a relationship with a married man which was (or maybe still is) without the knowledge of his wife. That is a homewrecker. Now if they were already having issues, that is called MARITAL PROBLEMS. Key word there being MARITAL.

"dont fall for it please." The passion you feel right now will slowly evolve into resentment. It will be easier to get over the heartbreak now, than to be with your "soulmate" and watch your love for him slowly & painfully fade into resentment and maybe even hatred for your step-situation.

Loving a man is one thing--but living with his baggage will only bring a slow and painful death of your heart. Guaranteed. Deal with the one heartbreak now or you will surely have many more heartbreaks later.

This is so sad. On every level. Mostly for the 3 young boys that are the innocent victims in this sordid mess. Surely you must feel sorry for these children right now? Their daily lives are with two parents that are depressed and in the midst of hell and turmoil. You can take credit for that.

And you, what kind of life are you enjoying? Having to be in exile, skyping with someone else's husband, thousands of miles away. BIG YUCK! Are you that undesirable that you have to lower your sights to this loser of a guy? Think how romantic you'll feel when you're babysitting three boys under 7 on a weekly basis. Think how romantic it'll be to see the CARNAGE caused by your illicit relationship.

Let the man GO. Block your e-mail, delete facebook, get a new phone number and STAY GONE. Maybe, just maybe with you out of the picture, he will turn his heart towards his home, seek marriage counseling, start being a father to those three young children.

I understand OPs intent was not there, but still guilty, Now is just a matter of 1st or 2nd degree murder.............

All day, I was thinking frustratedsometimes was the OP, but she isn't... did the OP ever even repsond to any of this?

My husband cheated on me with this big giant ugly fat bitch and I found out this fat bitch called herself my husband's true soulmate. LOL My husband tells me all day and everyday after the affair that he loves me and only me. That fat bitch is nothing but a cheap fuck.

Fact is this fat bitch is the victim too, we are both victims to my cheating lying husband who has incredible low self esteem. He is an sorry excuse for a man. Now we are in the process of divorce, no matter how much he begged me to stay, I won't.

Now, I have my own apartment, using my own money, I just found a new job. If the fact ugly bitch wants him, she can have him. I can find a confident nice gentleman who wants me and only me. Time to find myself a true hero.

Sigh... okay I'll jump in on this. I've been in your shoes. My ex-husband (did you catch that? It's key to my story- EX husband) and I started dating when he was married to his first wife. After I found out he was married, he told me that they were getting ready to file, the marriage was over, etc... Should I have ended it right then? Oh hell yes I should have. Did I? No.

I was a homewrecker. Plain and simple. His wife can tell you that she understands why it happened all day long. And you'll use that to justify your relationship all day long. But at the end of the day you are a homewrecker too. You're destroying this man's family by not walking away. And this man is not your soul mate. A soul mate would do anything to be with you. Not live halfway across the world skyping and giving you empty promises.

Okay, back to the key point of my story. The cliche that 'once a cheater, always a cheater' is true. Less than 2 months after we got married I caught him cheating on me. Did I deserve it? Yeah, I probably had that karma coming to me. This a-hole cheating on his wife WITH you will cheat ON you if you ever get together. Don't think that he won't, a leopard can't change its spots. You'd be just as stupid as I was if you think otheriwse.

To the OP:

There is no excuse for being with a married man. NO ONE doing this has some sort of a unique situation that "we do not understand." We do not need to message you to try to sympathize or empathize. You are NO different than anyone else who has cheated. You are not special, your situation is not special. There.is.no.excuse.

SHAME ON YOU for continuing this relationship, knowing full well that this man is married, and has children.

His wife does not "understand." That is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard.

If you continue this, you have no one to blame but yourself for the problems that will result from this.

I am not the best person to advise you, because I'm not exactly traditionally married. My family is an alternative family. However, I'm in a unique position to comment on it based on experience.

I understand the power of passion and infatuation, romantic love, the whole nine yards. I can see why a man, saddled with the responsibility of a wife and 3 young children, would be tempted by a "soul mate". I know all too well that we have no control over our feelings. They just burn. HOWEVER, what seperates us from the animals is that while we have no control over our feelings, we DO have control over our actions.

If this man didn't have children, I couldn't care less if you ended up together or not. He DOES have children. Unless one of the parents is abusive towards their children or substance addicted, it is rarely in the best interest of children for their parents to split. It is often better for the adults, but it is almost NEVER better for the children. You are an adult. These boys are children, and are blameless in this adulterous situation. They deserve to be spared the hell their life will become if their father leaves their mother to be with you. I don't know anything about this man's wife and frankly, she's an adult. If she were unattached to parental responsibility, I think she'd be smart to find an actual man, and leave this little boy she's married to alone to play his games with his women. But she IS encumbered by raising this man's children, and if she is holding up her end of the marital bargain, he is obligated to her and their children whether you like it or not. If she's willing to share him with you, that's between you and her, but if he moves out of his children's home, they WILL be negatively impacted, and I don't think you really want to be responsible for that, do you?

Stop responding to communication from this man. What you are doing is cruel, and you are doing it to CHILDREN. Move on and find a quality adult to be with, preferably one who is unattached and unencumbered by responsibility so you can develop these commitments and responsibilities together.

To the OP....leave this homewrecker of a "man." Aside from the nastiness you received on this thread, the main premise of their message is "if he did it to wifey he will do it to you." If they divorce, wifey will take him for EVERYTHING and you will be left with a pathetic simp with no money and struggling to make ends meet.

I joined this site for advice how to PROTECT my home from outside invaders, and this OP comes along looking for advice while destroying someone's home? Not only does the paramour consider this married man already hers but the children of this man she considers hers too? Why else would she be on a stepparent site?
Talk about counting your chicks before they're hatched. :sick:

I feel like I need to say that a marriage can be over before the divorce papers are signed. Here's my story. Would really like some people to see the other side of things.
Me and my husband started seeing eachother before his divorce papers were finalised. Some may call this an affair I however do not. We worked together and formed a great friendship. (I believe all the best relationships come from friendships). I saw this man come to work covered in bruises and black eyes. Everyone at work knew where they came from but nobody offered him help (the stigma of a six foot man being beaten by his wife.). It wasn't just physical abuse there was mental abuse as well. She would tell him wa thick, ugly, worthless and a bad father. He in turn started to believe these things because when you are told things over and over you start believing them. He came to me one day and asked what his legal standing would be for a divorce (I have a law degree). I gave him all the help I could and helped him fill out the paper work a he wa no longer confident in his reading and writing (he suffers from dyslexia) he was forbidden from ever reading to his son as the ex wife said he was too thick. Our relationship started after the divorce was petitioned for. It has been a long hard road and I have stood by my wonderful husband through the horrendous divorce and fighting for access to his son. (she stop all contact when she found out about me). His family have been extremely supportive as they had witnessed the mental abuse and bruises inflicted by their ex daughter in law. They told me the reason he married her was because he felt guilty as she had just suffered a miscarriage (awful for any woman) and blamed the miscarriage on him because he mad her angry all the time. We have since discovered there was never a miscarriage just another way for her to try and control him. This 'lady' is 10 years older than my husband and met him when he was 18 again another way I believed she controlled him. And to the end of my story, we have been happily married now for over 1 year. We have a beautiful 2 year old son an one on the way. To all those women who say I'm a homewrecker because I didn't wait for the divorce to be finalised I say you are very ignorant. The only homewrecker was the woman who beat my husband in front of there son! The woman who kept him away from his family and friends because they didn't like her. We found our happily ever after and no I don't believe he would leave me for another woman because I give him everything he needs and treat him how you are supposed to treat someone you love.

Good grief, the onus is HIM ya know being the married one with three kids and all. Yet the man isn't the homewrecker?? Typical women blaming other women for the demise of a marriage...lmao...doesn't surprise me from this site

Reading between the lines it sounds like OP has been foolishly naive and allowed herself to get led on by a sleaze bag, and now that she is "in love" and feeling like she can't let go and has been fed a line of bullshit that he will leave his wife and kids for her so they can build their fairy tale future together......tons of young women who dont know any better or havent experienced much ( and who probably have emotional issues within themselves) get themselves tangled up emotionally in these situations. It's not new. This SOB obviously knows the right things to say and what strings to pull, or he's just a bored douchebag with nothing better to do than con young women into falling for him online to make himself feel better.

OP please please leave this sucker and read below the surface of what people are saying. You travelled all the way to Australia to be closer to him. That is showing him major commitment. Yet he hasn't even started filing for divorce or separated, he only told his wife about you. You are working your tail off to make a so called relationship work and he is enjoying the convenience of it. You deserve better, way better. Reading what you are going through saddens me.

And honestly, even if he did leave his wife for you and you two end up having a future, it's not going to be a pretty future. You will be second wife. Your kid will come FOURTH priority to his three. He will have the money syphoned out of him in the form of alimony and child support, which she will undoubtedly use to fund her spa visits and going on vacations (hey I would if I were bitter ex wife, so would you and anyone here) and you will be booted to the side repeatedly, cause you're the woman that "destroyed" his marriage.

Thank him for his time and move on. Girl you are in freakin AUSTRALIA, make it your playground!!! The opportunities you have ahead of you are endless. Don't ruin them by continuing with this "man."

I don't think I agree with some posters' comments that the kids are better off if their parents stay together. If they are together and happy, that is one thing, but people staying together for the sake of the kids while being unhappy, frustrated, resentful and all the rest of it is another.

I wish my parents had separated when I was a kid. Both of them would have been happier without the other and would have avoided lots of tension in the home (which we still have to deal with). I have friends who had the same experience. Our parents came from the generation that thought it was in the best interests of the kids to stay together,(also our mothers felt they could not cope on their own financially) but that is no longer a sufficient reason these days. At the same time, there are plenty of other people my age (40s) whose parents did separate when they were kids and everything turned out perfectly fine. Obviously that is not always the case, as is clear from this site!

I agree with the posts that I read, there are some very smart people here. Some may even have been there & done that back in the day or seen a friend of theirs go through it. "IT WILL NOT WORK OUT"

If you read all of your reply's & still even remain in contact with this guy, I hope you do go & be with him. Now if your the kind of person who asked for help & follow the advice of others, I'm glad that you have been trying to use your head.

If you love him, truly want the best for him, desire being in a healthy relationship someday, then you will let him go & find a different man down the road. I found mine when I was not looking!

* * * Good Luck * * *

i had a bf who did nothing but cheat the whole 4 years i stupidly stayed with him. guess what? when the chase is over and they get what they've been chasing, suddenly it's not so desirable anymore. i can't even count how many times he got his disgusting slutty lay, then wanted nothing to do with her again and was calling me wanting me to be with him again. cuz that's all it is... a cheap thrill. he will get bored with you just like he's bored with his wife once the games and fucking around is over and you are actually together for real, if it gets to that point. then he will either be wanting his wife back, or looking for someone new to chase. i know you don't believe any of us. that's ok. you'll find out the hard way.

I was cheated on multiple times and have researched affairs to the hilt...I am a science person and research is my thing

Anyways, affairs pretty much boil down to this...the grass is always greener where there is cow shit...

AND affairs are like fairy tales. Did you ever wonder why most affairs end when the betrayed spouse finds out? Well it is because the affair loses its secrecy, which is why it was so much "fun" to begin with. It sounds like you have still been a "secret" from this guys wife, which is likely why HE is still intriged. Once you add kids (especially step kids who know you tore their family apart...talk about a loaded pistol), work, busy schedules, car payments, house payments, different opinions on how to raise his kids, different opinions on having more kids, different opinions on where to eat, inlaws that are pissed you tore their grandbabies family apart etc ETC etc...the affair loses its appeal. You will find your "soul" mate likely really isnt'.

Hell, I could have an affair with the poorest, most uneducated guy on the planet who has ten felonies against him...but over skype, he may seem like the best thing since sliced bread. Until you live with him for YEARS...you have no idea if he is indeed your soul mate. HIs wife is his soul mate...he chose her for a reason. Women willing to climb in bed are a dime a dozen, women that love you and are great moms are a bit harder to find. They have much more history than you can even dream of having with this guy.

omg what am i reading?

why r u doing this to these poor children?

dont u have a conscience? they will hate and with bigtime reason.

what u feel is lust. wait till u live with him with all the problems and the headaches.

dont be what we call thrash!!!!

After many happy years of marriage, my husband suddenly burst and applied away from me because he met a younger woman. Our daughter was 10 years old at the time. Cried day and night and I did not know to whom I could turn. But [email protected] whom a friend introduced me to came like a flash in my life and so my life changed again to positven because my husband came to me in a short time back with tears and apology. Thank you priestess Ifaa, that you have brought my life to my home

After I got separated from my exhb I met someone who was technically still married and living separately with his wife since years.I fell for him and believed every word and his promises including he would move out.Guess what, it never happened and I was devastated.It was a tough lesson to learn , but because of me having slipped slowly into a similar situation, I don't judge you.But I can't imagine there would be a happy end for any of you.
I would not get involved with him unless he IS separated and files for divorce.If he is that unhappy, fair enough, he should get separated first, work out the schedule for the kids and move on before he moves into a rs with you, instead of whinging how bad his situation is.It is a process and he needs to go through it if this is what he really wants.If you after all of this still be there he can be very lucky.In my experience men who talk a lot and say what they gonna do will most times not even act on anything.Remember he gives you all the promises whilst still being with his wife and kids.

I have been through this although (as some here on Steptalk have rightly pointed out) I convince myself it wasn't really an affair because we didn't do anything physical until after he separated from BM. We're still together but, as much as I love this man, I have to be honest with myself and say that I have hurt him so much by coming into his life and turning it upside down. He was in a love-less marriage. We have something extremely strong and I know, since the circumstances are SO damn hard that we're only together because of that love. The rest is shit. No money. Constant kid problems. And if I could turn back time I would have walked away. Because I know I would eventually have met someone else without all that baggage who could love me the same.

You may have an idea that he will commit to you. The fact that he has not arrived on your doorstep with his suitcases is evidence of the extent to which he is willing to commit to you. I'm not saying he doesn't love you. I'm not saying he won't leave his wife and maybe even marry you and have kids with you. But, if you're anything like me, you will have some kind of fantasy that he will be yours. He will NOT. He will never be yours, you will always be sharing him. If that weren't the case, he would have been able to walk away. He can't. He won't walk away. My SO hasn't ever walked away in the way I hoped he would. OK, maybe that sounds evil, that I would want him to walk away from his kids. But I mean walking away in a mental sense. Walking away from the past. Walking away from the ideal of being a proper family.

He wants to be with you ….but only if he can still have his kids close by. So, there's nothing inherently wrong in that but it does give you a window into what the future holds. He will only ever give what he can give without compromising his family. And that is probably not going to be enough for you. Be honest with yourself. Does your fantasy include his kids? Mine didn't. Which is why it still doesn't and which is why I find myself deeply dissatisfied and deeply at odds with what SO wants in life. And the man didn't lead me to believe anything different. Same as your guy. He's letting you know, loud and clear, that you are NOT the number one priority in his life and that he will NOT drop everything and put you first. That's not wrong. Many would argue that's the way he should be (would you love him if he was willing to abandon 3 kids under 7?) but the question is whether this is likely to make you happy. If not, walk away. Tell him you have met someone else. He will stop contacting you.

It will hurt.

let me speak from the cheaters shoes. I was the cheater..Now DH was single

cheaters are not all bad people, some of us tell our spouses the truth. I did before I ever entered into a relationship with my now DH. It was very simple. this has been over forever and I am done I am interested in someone else and I am pursueing them.

second, just because he cheated on her does not mean he will cheat on you. sometimes what is going on behind closed doors and what can not be seen by other people in a marriage is private. I had told my EX for over a year I was done, I didnt share that with my family or my friends it was PRIVATE.

you will be judged harshly, by his family and friends. he will be judge harshly by his ex wife and his children if she "shares" her anger with them.

The kids are more the likely not going to like you. But if you look around at this board there are plenty of people who were not the paramore who could be mistaken for Mother Theresa in their SM role and it doesnt matter.

Make the decision that is best for you, noone else has to agree!

The kids will never like you

My DH and I didn't exactly start out with the noblest of intentions... but he was married to a woman he got pregnant, for a year. It was pretty much that simple.

Now this in no way makes his exit strategy the right one, but the fact that we've chosen to have children together since then (team decision mind you) may very well put us in that 10%.

This dude has three children under 7. Three. That's not an unplanned pregnancy with a one night stand, that's a whole other life.

EVEN IF he leaves his wife and goes to be with you, how will you handle this whole other life that he's had happy and without you?

How will you handle how scared you will be when he realizes how hard it's going to be to be without (and he WILL BE without) his kids. He was a full time Dad, he's going to be a 50/50 dad AT BEST. It is the sacrifice that you make when you want to live life apart from your spouse.

And how will you handle being an adult guardian to three children? You will be some of the time, whether you like it or not. The feelings I have with my ONE SS are complicated enough. Are you sure you're up to this?

Whether or not you deserve it, you WILL get flak all of the time. People who are guilty of grand larceny are better recieved that people who've been unfaithful.

Even the odd marriage where the couple is in a mutually agreed upon OPEN relationship are met with scorn and distaste.

It's stupid, but it is what it is. It is what you will deal with. A thousand times over because of the three kids.

I would be terrified that my new partner would go to resent and blame me for "stealing him away" from his family. At one time, this guy was clearly happy with his wife.

Actually... at least three times... this guy was clearly happy with his wife. What happens when he's with you and has to deal with the world's ire? Will he turn on you? Are you sure? He's clearly turned on his wife.

Not saying you're a bad person, I'm just worried about how much all of this will eat at you if you don't take a step back, try a long break... something.

Good luck though.

ANTHONY

I had been sick for years now, i lost all of my possession due to this
illness, every member of my family became tired of me cause to them i was now a liability, i
bless the day i got introduced to this fellow at [email protected] when
he requested for 400 dollars to buy the items for the spell to cure
me of my illness i felt he was a spam then i told the person who introduced me to
him and she said to me that she paid 600 dollars to save her marriage so i was convinced
to pay the money and i did two days after , he
cast the spell i was cured of all of the diseases that i was
attacked with. And also he said to me that my wife that had ran away will
be disturbed to come back home to be with me and exactly what really took
place...This man at [email protected] is just so good at his spell work.his contact
phone number is +2347060595685

ANTHONY

I had been sick for years now, i lost all of my possession due to this
illness, every member of my family became tired of me cause to them i was now a liability, i
bless the day i got introduced to this fellow at [email protected] when
he requested for 400 dollars to buy the items for the spell to cure
me of my illness i felt he was a spam then i told the person who introduced me to
him and she said to me that she paid 600 dollars to save her marriage so i was convinced
to pay the money and i did two days after , he
cast the spell i was cured of all of the diseases that i was
attacked with. And also he said to me that my wife that had ran away will
be disturbed to come back home to be with me and exactly what really took
place...This man at [email protected] is just so good at his spell work.his contact
phone number is +2347060595685

Well, the only thing I've got to say to you is this man that is your "soulmate"

If he will do it with you, he will do it to you...

If he thinks nothing of having you on the side with him married to someone else, he will think nothing of having someone else on the side when he is married to you.

I would run far away from this man,... figuratively of course since you are already so far away....

I don't think anyone in a happy relationship has an affair. If you truly love your partner you just wouldn't do that. I also think staying in an unhappy marriage for the kids never works. The kids grow up with a distorted sense of how relationships work and am over inflated sense of self as both parents put all their love and energy into the kids and not each other.

However. I fear this man is pretty damn selfish. He has stayed with his wife all this time and you know what. Despite what he tells you he has been having sex with her. If you seriously think he's been celibate all this time you are mistaken. So what, is the sex for the sake of the kids too. He will if video evidence of him having sex with his wife turned up, tell you he had to do it to shut her up, so the kids didn't know anything was wrong and all the other crap married men tell women. He may even tell you they sleep separately. Now if that's true how does staying in that kind of marriage benefit kids. IF that's true, but its more than likely just another lie.

If this man that you feel is your soulmate, and I do believe you feel that. but if this man loved you, truly loved you above all others. he would have ended his marriage. Cleaned up that mess without involving you and putting you in the position of home wrecker. He has set you up to take all the blame and you will get all the blame from now to eternity. He will get off pretty much Scott free and you, well it will never be forgotten what YOU did. Not you and him, but what YOU did.

He should have by now left his wife and set up
a home of his own. He should have told his wife he was leaving the marriage for all the reasons that caused him to have the affair. Not put it to her he was leaving for you. He should have protected you, not hung you out to dry.

Now he's waiting for you to come back before he leaves her. Why, isn't he man enough to go out on his own. To take responsibility for the breakdown of the marriage. To admit to his wife his feelings have changed. It would seem not. He's waiting for you to come back then if he leaves YOU can take all the blame for him. The marriage was fine TILL YOU CAME BACK is what his wife will say, he won't correct that. You are going to look like you broke up his family, and he is going to look like a victim of yours. Poor man had no hope once you seduced him. He will allow family friends and strangers think that.

If he loved you as you love him as I said he would have thought about all this he would have protected you from it. If he wanted really wanted to leave his wife he would have done so set up his own home then sent for you. Not stayed with her and slept I'm her bed till you came back to take the fall for him

Please look after yourself here. Be very very careful with a man like this. Very careful

“It has been a few month since my husband left home and every time we have the opportunity to talk we always argue. I contacted [email protected] for a spell to restore my marriage. The following week my husband call me and asked for forgiveness for everything that he had done in the past. This weekend we are going to spend it together with our children to celebrate our anniversary I have faith in Dr Lawrence that He was going to save my marriage. Trust in Him; He has the last word in everything. thanks to [email protected] !”

I thought it wouldn't get funnier than this:

"i trust him with my life. He is not your stereotypical cheater of a husband, he is a good man."

But then next line was this:

"And I am not naive. He will always have my heart."

Let me spell it out for you: He is a cheater. He is not a good man.

You are naive. Are you are so damn naive.

A GOOD MAN would have told his wife before ever touching you or getting involved that something was lacking. And he would have done everything to make the marriage work. THEN he would file for divorce from her and move on supporting his children AND THEN he would have went after you.

Your swimming up the River NILE... DENIAL!

I know that the heart wants what the heart wants, and no matter what we say, you will continue on with this man, you called him your 'soul mate.'

How old are you? If you are in your 20's, please, please PLEASE consider not continuing on with this man.

It will never work. You have no realistic idea of what a relationship with him would be like. All you know is the hype and excitement of the affair..and the constant 'new' feeling of your relationship because it has not had a chance to progress as a normal relationship would. If you are young, you may not realize this, but if you are older, think of any other serious relationship and love that you have had..things change. You can't go through all of this based on an unrealistic understanding of who this man is and what you have with him.

Person to person, you may feel so close to him..but what happens when the divorce happens and you have to help him through that, and the seperation from his young children? He will not want to be far from them, and that young, he is probably really going to want to be involved in so much of their life. That means you will be too. You will NEVER escape the burden of his first wife and family.

I do not believe a man should stay with a woman because they have children together, but if he loves his wife, even the slightest amount, he should be trying to build on that, no matter how he feels for you. Please don't be an accomplice to the destruction of an entire family.

If there is no stopping it, do it the right way. Leave him alone. Let him take care of business and then find you when it's done.

I truly hope that you follow your head and not your heart. There will be other men. No matter how you feel..or think you feel..there will be. And if in 10 years there still aren't, go find him. His kids will be mostly grown and his marriage will have long ended (if it's as bad off as he makes it seem by compromising all of them for you.)

If you stay, prepare for a long hard life with those kids and that mom. You think because he leaves her that he will be yours? I guarantee that she will do everything in her power to prove that isn't true until all of those kids are in college, on his dime. And through every singly pain you suffer, just remember that you knew it was coming.

Oh, why is this posted??? this is not recent...

I just wasted like...ten minutes of my life. hahah

Am Cannon shelly from Usa, i am sharing about my experience and testimony online in search of a spell caster that will restore my marriage and make me live a happy life. I was introduced to a spell caster by my neighbor and i contact him. to my greatest surprise i never though that there was going to be a real spell caster for me but i was amazed when i met a real one in the person of His Majesty,HIGH PRIEST OZIGIDIDON who helped in in bring back my man and making me have a happy marriage and home and also help in restoring back my job and life and sincerely it is to numerous for me to mention, i just can't thank him more that enough for all he has done but i want to sincerely thank him for restoring my hope that there are still real spell casters out there. Indeed he is so real and true to his job. i am glad i met him and i will hold him in high esteem till i leave this earth. Your HIGHNESS i will never let you go you are my foundation.High priest can be gotten on [email protected]. i know when you contact him and he worked for you, you will definitely come back to thank me. high priest is so great and powerful.. i have lost the adjective to classify him.

This is a testimony that I will tell to every one to hear. I have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my love away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until I met a post where this man Dr Nosa have helped someone and I decided to give him a try to help me bring my love back home and believe me I just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 48hours as he have told me, I saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why I am happy to make every one of you in similar to meet with this man and have your love ones back to your life. His email: [email protected]

How embarrassing for the OP to actually post her own participation and selfishness to wreck this home of a married man and his kids. If she moves forward, and that is a big IF because she is likely just a side piece anyway, she will get HERS one day, two fold. The OP has zero respect for herself to even consider such trashy behavior. Are people raised to believe this is okay in our society, really?

Women like this, disgust me!