Hi everyone. I am usually just a creeper on these boards, but I really need some help. I don't know anyone that I am close to that is a step parent and I face quite a bit of challenges and would probably get flamed if I turned to another board.

I am 32, my husband is 41 and we each have kids from our previous marriages. I was married once for ten years and have a 6.5 yo son going into first grade. My husband was married briefly for a year when he was in his kid twenties, but he left her for another woman at work and married her for about 5 yrs and has a 5 year old son going into kindergarten and an 8 year old daughter going into 3rd grade. We made the decision this summer to move to the same city as his kids and put all three kids in the same school that his daughter has been at. I am now 8 months pregnant with a little boy of his, our first child together. This was not planned - my IUD expelled during a bad period and before I could get in to the doctor... BAM, pregnant

My husband and I have been together since May 1, 2009 and moved in together in August of that year. So obviously, his daughter is the only child of ours that remembers anything much. His relationship with his children's mother is horrible. She was a Thai immigrant here on a student VISA and his bosses niece and wanted a greencard. She started making advances towards him when his marriage to his abusive wife Pamela was falling apart. All three of them worked together. When they got married and she got her greencard to stay in the US (which my husband paid for, along with paying off her debt and buying her a beautiful home, wedding and ring), things changed. They stopped being friends, they barely spoke, he was being worked to death by her uncle and she wouldn't speak up for him. He tried to talk to her about the state of their relationship falling apart and the work issues but she just looked at him like an insignificant bug, like he was crazy. She wanted a baby and he really wasn't ready. He was never around kids much and was nervous. He was grossed out by pregnancy and asked that if they were to have a baby, that she explain things to him and be patient with him. Well, she didn't. They didn't have sex the whole pregnancy. He developed a porn addiction to replace their relationship and it all just fell apart. She insisted that their daughter sleep with her in bed so he spent four years sleeping on the couch. A few years later, they wanted to try and fix things. She demanded another child and that they have sex on Mother's Day. He didn't want the child to be second fiddle like he was when he was little and was scared but she pushed and pushed and along came Ty from one sexual encounter. When he was on the phone one night, she tossed the BFP test at him and said I'm pregnant and walked away. She never spoke of being pregnant. She just let herself go during her pregnancies and rarely spoke to him. She ate bowl after bowl of pasta and gained a ton of weight, didn't exercise, and fell apart. She grunted a few times in the hospital and out came a baby. The nurses thought it was eerie, she birthed like it was a job. So my husband has two kids and knows nothing about pregnancy. Even their honeymoon was a sham - she brought her family here from Thailand and went to Washington DC with them after the wedding while my husband went up north. The only time they did anything together was on Fridays they went out to dinner with her family. She refused to get a sitter and do anything with him. She brought him to Thailand and refused to speak English in front of him, teach him thai or even help him get a haircut. She pushed him out of the way when it came to him being involved with the care of his kids.

I worked with him and watched him fall apart - he was my boss for nearly 5 years. My marriage fell apart and so did his. We both got a divorce and married each other. We were madly in love. So yeah, we didn't do things the way we should and she hates him for it. She treats him still like he means nothing as a father. Her and I can talk just fine about the kids, but her and my husband just argue and hate each other. She takes it out on the kids and torments them by putting my husband on the spot in front of them and yelling at him and calling him names, getting extremely angry with them if they bring anything home from our house like clothing or shoes, etc.

This takes us to where we are now; three kids that are completely different that we have tried to blend for 4.5 years and a new baby on the way. One ex that's angry and one that is weepy and never around. My ex husband still loves me and wants us to come home. Four different people with different personalities raising our kids and exes that just can't get over it. What to do?

Dont take anything I say as a slight to my step kids - I love them very much and have known them since they were a baby bump. My son, Darren, is completely different. He is all boy, very outgoing and independent, can be loud, very affectionate, loving, wears his heart on his sleeve, smart, can be extremely emotional, very laid back and go with the flow, low maintenance. He is the type of kid that never complains or even asks for anything. You could give him a rock and that would be the best rock in the world. He can be a tad argumentative if something upsets him, emotional if his feelings get hurt, he's a little messy but that's about it. Anyone who watches my son says that they cannot believe what a good boy he is. Then there's my step kids. Call me crazy, mean or whatever you want, but its like they are from a different planet. I try so hard. I try to be patient, understanding, kind, loving, tolerant, flexible, supportive, you name it, I've committed to this family and I'm responsible and it isn't the kids fault that they have divorced parents and a blended family. It's the adults fault, but its the kids that suffer the most and I tell myself that every day.

Ty is 5.5 years old and is starting kindergarten this fall. He cannot count to 20, he cannot write or spell anything except his own name. He cannot draw a picture of something, he cannot color in the lines. He can play video games. Everything bothers Ty. Too hot, too cold, pressure = pain. His mother and father shove an iPod in his face because they don't want to deal with him. Everything is a major ordeal for Ty. Getting dressed and going go bed are each hour long processes. Food equals attention. Getting his dad to wait on him hand and foot is the goal. He treats me like a slave. He NEVER says please or thank you on his own EVER without prompting. He cannot do anything without an announcement. I am going pee, I am done with my milk, I got dressed, etc. He cannot make any decisions on his own either (neither of my step kids can). They need to know where every gum wrapper and item of clothing needs to go, they need commentary and guidance for everything they do in life. I don't understand it. Does someone else beat them if they take three bites instead of four? How many bites of food? What shows can I wear? Can I wear shorts? Both of them, ugh!!! Everywhere you go, Ty needs a snack. He doesn't really eat meals, but you cannot walk out the door without some snack that is acceptable to Ty. When you tell him what food you are getting him, he will chant the name of the food over and over until you give it to him OR he will say "where's my cookie? Where's my cookie?" Like you just aren't doing it fast enough. He fluctuates between talking like and acting like a small infant that literally just learned a few words and saying words that a forty year old would use. Now I realize that I'm not a doctor or a psychologist. I'm no one important or qualified. However, I have been working with kids with disabilities since I was 14 and this kid is on the autism spectrum - Aspbergers. His dad is in complete DENIAL. He cannot socialize with other children!!! He has no social graces or politeness. He is completely inappropriate and cannot react to social cues. Both his children interrupt constantly. I joke that I haven't had a conversation with my husband in their presence in four and a half years, but its not far from the truth!

Now there's Breena who is 8.5 going into third grade. Lets call Breena nancy negative. Breena is never happy or satisfied with anything ever. No playground, arcade, pool or anything else is good enough. She complains about literally EVERYTHING from the moment her eyes open until she falls asleep. Nothing is ever good enough for her ever. She needs constant adult interaction and conversation during all waking hours, period. I literally have to hide. Morning sickness has been HELL because I am puking and Breena needs me to talk though it. Why are you throwing up? Eww I can't hear that?! Is that because of the baby? Why? Why are you sick again? Why are you always sick. I have actually burned my hand on the stove trying to cook a three course meal for dinner and entertain her at the same time. I can't take it anymore.

So here's where husband comes in. He's a good dad, don't get me wrong. He is literally all consumed by his kids. Obsessed. Defensive. Ugh. They completely disrespect me no matter how hard I work my ASS of taking care of them. I can't take it anymore. This is an example of taking them out of the house: we are at the food court ordering Chinese food and the lady is talking. Breena is getting pisses right off interrupting because she needs to talk about a million unrelated things, I'm trying to order food, Ty is hitting and kicking my son. Ty hits and kicks everyone pretty much daily.

Here's the day today, just a couple of snippets. I took my son and my step daughter to the pool - they wanted to go. Ty only stands in the corner of the pool and plays his iPod, so I left him home with his dad who is working from home this week. Breena cannot handle seeing a bug anywhere. We have to leave the pool after taking an hour to get ready and only getting to be there a half hour because she thought she saw a wasp.
She complained so much that the pool tech was like wtf? The water was too cold (heated to 86 degrees!), the swimming noodle was broken because a tiny piece of foam fell off. And then the pool sucked because her water wing floated into the filter!!! She will stand there and repeat herself until you leave. Oh. MY. GOD. So I took Darren to the grocery store because he wanted tacos, we are broke but I had that taco kit you gave me so I thought ok, we can make that cheap, right? Well I walk in the door and Breena is already whining. She asked what I got from the store. I said beef and lettuce to make tacos for dinner and she's like awwwwww NOOOO I hate tacos! Not tacos for dinner!!! Every time I eat tacos they make me sick to my stomach!!! OMG!!!!! Brian is like "Breena, really?" Then there's Ty. Dinner and we are all eating. Ty decides just to eat shredded cheese for dinner. Brian says he has a choice. Eat more because he's sitting at the table until dinner ends or go in time out. Ty keeps repeating "I want to be done now!" Over and over and over again until he starts bawling his Eyes out and Brian takes him to his room for time out while he kicks and screams and acts like an infant. Breena starts making fun of him. I remind her that she has her moments too... She has been complaining since she woke up!

What in the world do I do with all this? My husband sometimes tries to say something, but most of the time just is aloof.

I think divorce might have to be the answer because I'm miserable and anytime I try to talk to my husband about doing something about it all, he gets so damn angry that he argues with me for several days, leaves me on the side of the road 8 months pregnant with my 6 year old not even knowing if I have a house key, screams and swears at me, and just treats me like absolute garbage. I'm at my end.

He left the kids with me instead of sending them to daycare for two weeks. By the end of the two weeks I told him I needed him to start disciplining them at night because its too hard on me this far pregnant during the day being the only one with real rules. After several days of treating me like crap, he started working from home.

He talks about my son anytime he has an issue and I take it seriously and am very cooperative about working together to parent my son in an effective way. I do not tolerate any disrespect my son would dish out to my husband. However, any time he's seen my son be even slightly uncooperative, its because my son is sad that he's been left on the side of the road with me, has to wipe my tears again because my husband is being a jerk or is screaming at me.

What do I do?