Allison - It took SD and I YEARS to say I love you to each other. And we have a decent relationship. It will come... in its own time...

I met SS when he was 2. It took about 2-3 years before I told him those words. No need to worry, you'll know when/if it's right to say it too.

I love you. There I said it.

My son (SS_ and I have always said I love you. I have been his Dad since he was 1yo.

Nope, not weird! Every parenting relationship is different and has a unique set of circumstances. I refused to say it until it was real and even though I don't love them in the same way I love my nephew, I do love them and I say so. They really need me, especially right now while BM is more unstable than usual, and they both tell me they love me multiple times a day and seem reassured and happy when I say the same back. It's not something that can be forced and you should never say something that a) isn't true and b) you're not completely comfortable with. Would you walk up to a random kid at a daycare and tell them you love them? Of course not! But, that's pretty much what some people expect step-parents to do. Go at your own pace and don't worry about it, is my advice!

I still feels kinda weird to say “I love you” to the boys… I do, but it still feels like something that is still in the developing stages if that makes any sense.

How I say it (usually when dropping off at school or before bed) is in a very friendly, noncommittal way… “Luvs ya buddy!” that kind of thing.

It’s also how the boys say “goodbye” on the phone, it’s a brainless…
“Weeeeeellll, love you, be safe, bubbye”. I don’t even think they think about what the words mean when they’re saying it… like some married people say it out of habit rather than “meaning” the words. I hope one day to grab them up and really mean it when I say it… the words are important to me.

The first time i said it to kiddo, it just kinda tumbled out without my meaning to say it, which made me realize that i love him. looking back, i can say that i was probably struggling with it, maybe fighting it a little. Sometimes i still fight it without meaning to - i dont want to lose him, if i lost kiddo i would fall apart, so i fight it a little but it doesnt work, i love that boy. It was after bm adbucted and abandoned him almost two years ago now...I know the exact moment that i fell in love with that child. I was playing with him outside and he crawled into my lap and called me mommy. i said no baby, im not mommy, just iwishyouwould. he said i know im just pretending that i have a mommy. my heart broke and i told him i loved him very much and would always take care of him. i started to feel very protective of kiddo, and was with him constantly. Now, he and I tell eachother "i love you" all the time - before preschool, when he gets home from preschool, for no reason at all in the middle of the day, when i tuck him in at night, before he goes to see bm... all the time. kiddo came to us in traumatic circumstances... maybe the universe alligned to give us all what we needed in that moment, which was to be a family... who knows. It will feel right or it wont, but either way, actions speak louder than words.