SD brought old pic of BM and my H (SD) into my home

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SD is staying with us this week due to school break. She's 7 and packs her own ruck-sack (generally filled with toys, etc). This time she included a framed photo of my H and BM cuddled up on a sofa with her, proudly brandishing it at me. I responded with a very flat 'nice' and dismissed it (or acted like I did). She left it on the sofa and when she went to bed, I promptly took it and shoved it far into the recesses of her bag. I find this very upsetting, though I am trying to rationalize from SD's perspective, though I do know her to be quite manipulative. I just don't think it is appropriate for her to have a photo of them together as it sends the wrong signals/messages, undermines my relationship with my H in her eyes, and is simply disrespectful to me. I don't understand why 5 yrs down the line BM would still have something like that anyway. I know I wouldn't. Granted, if SD lived with us, then it would be completely fine and proper for her to have a pic of BM (not with my H) in her room, but that is not the case. Has anyone else run into something similar? If so, how did you handle it?

That's great -- thank you so

That's great -- thank you so much for that! (And I love how you refer to BM as 'pig', I have a slightly less nice nickname for BM that begins with wh and ends with re). Sometimes I worry that I'm simply being petty or jealous or resentful, which I will be honest and admit that yes sometimes I am. And I'm in the same boat with SD being spoiled, entitled, and VERY over-privileged. She isn't normal either and it's definitely effecting her development. As far as the 'not pretty' aspect, I never really thought of using that as a sanity trick. BM is nearly 10 yrs my senior (my DH was a bit of a toy-boy -- BM likes possessions) and NOT aging well. One of the greatest things SD has ever said was: 'sorry we're late, mommy had to go to the Dr that makes her look pretty'. FANTASTIC!

I should maybe clarify that

I should maybe clarify that SD was not in the photo -- it was just BM and my DH.

'Trying to get a grip'....you

'Trying to get a grip'....you make a very good point when you said....""not appropriate for her to have a photo of them together as it sends the wrong signals/messages, undermines my relationship with my H in her eyes, and is simply disrespectful to me"".

And thats it.....whilst she is only 6....and its just an old photo....the most important thing we can teach small children is how to relate to other people....how to understand when someone is good to you so you can be good to them....how to accept the parents divorce, how to realise that hurting others can back fire on you....how to MOVE ONE!!!

and this photo, is a good place to start.....I would be sitting the little 'princess' down and discussing how she really needs to move forward and accept....embrace and look for the good in having you and her dad as her parents....as there will be 'fun' times, different than what she is used to...but she needs to 'loose the anger' that her daddy has found another princess...so now he has two princesses....he has his wife and his little 6 year old...that make him very happy....

But the sight of his ex wife, makeS him very unhappy and when he sees his daughter with her, the photo looks very ugly. And we cant make daddy feel upset by leaving it in this house....lets either, cut the bitches face out of the photo, or maybe just cut princess 6 yo face out and put it somewhere very special - like on the fridge...but leaving the 3 of them intact makes the whole photo look so ugly and is sending out such horrible memories for everyone...and living with mummy and daddy who hated each other at the time this photo was taken, must have been horrible for you too....and its another reason why the picture shouldnt be displayed...as the 6 yo may regress and start to relive them horrible memories or feelings that existed at that time....

Lately, I throw things away.

Lately, I throw things away. When there is something left in the room or I find it offensive, I just throw it away. I've throw out several photos that were laying around in the sd12's room of her, her bm and my bf. I actually find it offensive. We are not living in the past.

I don't post pics of my ex with my kids around the house. I do have pics but they are all packed up. I imagine at some point I will be able to get them all scanned and give copies to my ex and to my kids.
I'm cool with that. But I do hang em on the wall!

It is manipulation. Maybe not by the sd but my the bm in a way. Why would a normal person do that? Hhmm, well since most of us are dealing with the crazies, ha.. no answer there!!!

Nope, idiot SD just handed me

Nope, idiot SD just handed me a picture of her mother laying on my DHs bed years ago...nice, huh? Idiot. Obviously, that's what mommy wanted her to do as she was about 7 too and she handed it to me, CLAIMING she found it on the car floor as SOON as she got into DH's car...Funny, I cleaned the car weekly and only saw it when loser got int. Geez.

PS - so darn funny to me...I

PS - so darn funny to me...I don't remember the last time I saw wedding pics of my parents lol What's up with these stupid women wanting to PROVE that they were married to daddy? Geez...Heck, my mom got ticked at my dad once, years ago and threw away ALL the pics...None of us cared. Heck, we never asked to see them or cared for them anyway.

They were never married! DH

They were never married! DH was 'tricked' (depending on how many beers he's had when he tell the story) into having SD. Makes the dynamic just that much better. I've taken to throwing things away, too, but as there (usually) aren't any of those offending pics around, I take all the little bits of paper and random tiny little toys that are left lying around and make sure they get 'lost' (ie, in the garbage they go). Petty, maybe, but I shouldn't have to pick up all of her crap.

I'm more convinced of it being SD being manipulative. She's first-rate at that. We went to her 1st communion with SD sitting next to BM in the front pew and me and my DH sitting behind them. Throughout the mass, SD kept turning around and putting my DH and BM's hands back-to-back, holding them tight, rubbing her cheek on them, and kissing them incessantly. I think I lost an inch or two off of my teeth during this little episode and am surprised I didn't get lock-jaw.

I would have walked out if

I would have walked out if that happened in front of me.....

Would've loved to, but then

Would've loved to, but then she would've 'won'.

Much easier to do if you're

Much easier to do if you're drunk.

I offer a different view I

I offer a different view I have been divorced from my ex husband for 11years we don't see eye to eye on somethings but we don't fight either we have 2 girls together I have a huge album of my ex hubby and I There are several pics in
my daughters room of us together my husband has never been bothered by one day my youngest daughter brought a pic of ex and I to my exs houmse use sm had a fit so I went and got the pic and explained to Alyssa that

I hate mean ppl jealousy has

I hate mean ppl jealousy has no place in parenting you wanted the job of step parent so do it with love

Easy for you to say. Step

Easy for you to say. Step parenting is different from parenting and from every other relationship you've ever had in your life--you have to get used to loving without reciprocation and doing all the chores without getting anywhere near the emotional reward that bio parents do. It's hard to not show your frustration from time to time.

Some ppl are childish and

Some ppl are childish and stupid and not to bring the picture and told the sm kids just want to know where they came from and at one time their parents loved each other and them if your threatened by this you've got a long road ahead of you and maybe you shouldn't be a step parent my ex told her to grow up or get out she chose to grow up

All I can say is pick and

All I can say is pick and choose your battles. The kids already lost what they consider to be the family unit. Some kids might just need it for comfort and then there are other kids like my SD17 who use it to hurt. I think it all depends on how the child views the picture and their intentions behind it. My skids CONSTANTLY say to my SO doesn't mom look pretty? She got her hair done or she got a new shirt isn't it pretty? I know SS11 isn't trying to be mean but when SD17 says hey dad isn't mom's new profile picture beautiful that is out and out BS and her trying to be a little witch.

I understand what you are

I understand what you are saying, My 11 yr old SD will show me pictures that her BM sends to her cell phone when she is here with her Dad for the summer. I just politely say, "Okay." I don't let it phase me be I don't believe she has malicious intent. Just as she will show her BM pictures of my husband, she and I together. In fact my SD calls me Mom in her mothers presence and has no problem with showing her BM pictures of me. I guess from what I see on the posts I am lucky. I appreciate the relationship I have with my SD!

I hope some day i get over

I hope some day i get over all this drama where all will get better and get the type of relationship that you at least share with you SD. thanks for sharing, good to know that there are at least some SD that are not as bad...

The relationship will be what

The relationship will be what you make it if you just stay kind and be above sinking to a chills ll it will pass you have to understand they have lost all control of their world and who is standing in moms place? YOU it does not matter if you caused it or came in 10 years later. They are KIDS.
At around 13 and up its BS be firma and kind about your position in ur hubby and her life and that u care about her and let go and let god ... but calling a 6 yr old names and accusing her of ulterior motives is a bit extreme and makes you look ridiculous. Your having a war with a baby for goodness sake and they can sense when they are not wanted or resented and she wont except you until you stop. I would suggest counseling. And your wrong I know how hard it is I have a new husband who became instant father of 5 and had no kids of his own. And I also know what it feels like to have a child come home and say sm hates me Idk why ... grow up be an adult you asked for this the kid had no choice get out of your little box and pity party and walk a mile in the kids shoes

Uh...I have two sd's...7 and

Uh...I have two sd's...7 and 9 - and uh sd9 is mean and manipulative and has had an ulterior motive since she was 4...and NO - I am not crazy for thinking this...I know this. So - no one is crazy for thinking a 6 year old is up to no good...Maybe they are up to no good because their own mother puts things into their heads?

I think I would either - frame the picture and put it in her room...and display it nowhere else in the house...BUT her room...like everyone else said.

Or two...make it just disappear...

For those of us living in the actual step world...it's not "what we make of it" - we could be so nice it hurts...and still be walked on. IF we "parent" too much - we are then accused of trying to take another parents place...if we disengage and go get our nails done when they kids are there THEN we are accused of not wanting anything to do with the kids..it's an uphill battle - things don't really get easier - you just quit caring so much. We can have a great relationship with our SO's - but as soon as the kids come in and see that - mommy pops into their head and they are confused - because someone didn't explain to them that mommy and daddy do not love eachother anymore - or atleast daddy doesn't love mommy or vice versa. I think having photos of them together is living in the past...maybe you should take a photo of you and DH and put it in her room too? Maybe with the three of you together? Show her daddy is with you NOW...and she is too.

at the one who posted above...so - you are NOT a step? Your husband I am assuming is? A stepdad of 5 kids? Maybe he should be on this site...this is for steps to vent.

For those of us living in the

Can I get an AMEN!!!!!!!!!

Every Holliday we get

Every Holliday we get pictures from bm in the kids cards always a picture if her and my fiance not with the kids just the 2 of them he's told her multiple times to stop because then it makes ss7 think mommy and daddy are going to get back together ( which is what she pours into his mind every weekend) it has gotten to the point where he opens the cards first not in front of them and throws out the picture

She's the bm from hell he's

She's the bm from hell he's told her on numerous occasions not to send them, one weekend when the skids came home I went through ss7's back back to check for home work because she doesn't think he should do hw with her I found a photoalbum of pictures of her and Dh together none of the kids just pics of them

SS6 has a picture of his

SS6 has a picture of his mother in his dresser. She gave it to him when she moved out. She has them half the time, but he was only 4 when she left and she knew he would have a hard time being away from mom that much. It made a lot of sense at the time, even though it bugged me when I moved in and he kept sleeping with it at night. I think during that transition, it was his way of making sure mom wasn't being replaced in his own mind. After they got used to me being there and realized I wasn't leaving, the picture stopped coming out of the dresser drawer. Yep, now she lives with his ratty socks. I think it's fitting.

In other words, yeah it bugged me from a "I'm moving into her house with her kids and her husband and will always have to live with her ghost" kind of view, but I know that for him it wasn't anything malicious or mean towards me. It actually wasn't from her side either, it was just a way to help a kid deal with his parents splitting up. He also has a picture of her cat - that he keeps on his nightstand. Guess he misses the cat more than mom. I believe both boys have pictures of their father at her place too.

It's a really tough line. You want to make sure you're being respected in your own home and that your not being manipulated, but sometimes kids just do goofy things because they don't know how else to deal with things they don't understand. I think I would definitely have more of an issue if it was a picture of whatshername and FDH together, but there apparently there were never many of those to begin with.

What has your DH had to say

What has your DH had to say about it? He should of taken possession of it & told her that he is going to hang on to it during her visit than told her upon dropping her off to keep that picture out of his home from that point on or she will never see that picture again. Would be a great time for DH to put her in her shoes for being manipulative too!

Its for everyone, and I was

Its for everyone, and I was not trying to be mean all im saying is if you allow yourself to get pulled into a childs world your in a losing battle I am NOT saying it isn't rough and I am not saying the bm didn't put things into her head what I AM saying is take it up with the bm resenting the kid will cause issues with ur hubby and the child give the bm enough rope she will hang herself kids will everntuall see who is right and who is wrong so stay above it! And my hubby had major adjustment issues at first it got easier and now ex hubby decided after abandoning them for 5the yrs to come back around and so its tough on my hubby because he's raised them longer than my ex they didn't even know my hubby wasn't their father. We all have our own pain we all are just trying to make it thru and by all means vent away I was only trying to offer another veiw and put the kid first don't talk about bm bad and she will see that the bad mouthing comes from bm the fighting and drama comes from bm and you always were nice and kind and you didn't talk mean about anyone ....bite ur tongue then when she's gone scream your head off if you want vent here or to hubby or to friend ... after she's gone take a well deserved girls night out just don't get into a pissing match with a kid its useless

Lilyflowers, I like your

Lilyflowers, I like your approach to that. LOL!

It's probably a security

It's probably a security thing. The children suffer a lot in divorce, and have to go through stages of grief... this might just be her way of grieving... everyone does it differently.

Probably best to not take it personally, and not make a big deal of it.

well i have the same thing

well i have the same thing happen to me, but i didnt mind it, as long as the child had a photo in album i said if she plays me off i will put it away forever and had it had to stay in there bedroom and my sk got pics of us together to go back to bm she hated it and i said the same but it to benefit the kid not us, farr as i no the bm still has the ex family portrait in her bedrm i find that f..cking weird so does my dh.and bm got her new partner f..ck that, she is that cuckoo

SO just told me that SD7

SO just told me that SD7 asked him why he left her mom, AGAIN.
Btw...she left him for a work colleague and appearantly she "told" SD7 that he left her??Once again, I am convinced that SD 7 is lying, manipulating and stirring, as usual.
I don't know why some posters here refuse to see that some children as young as 6 or 7 can be master-manipulators throughout.Of course it is all a matter of acknowledging they are kids and of course it is not a good thing to go into a war of power with them.
BUT- it is extremely frustrating and makes it extremely hard to find them lovable or likable!

Rayven...sounds like your ex

Rayven...sounds like your ex and you were a little hard on sm. WTF? I would have been pist too. I know my dh had a life before he met me, but I don't want to see photographic evidence of it! EEWWW! It's called manners.

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SD brought old pic of BM and my H (SD) into my home