SD might be an escort
SD23 gave up work last year and since then moved into a beautiful townhome, has plenty of money and is traveling to lovely places all the time. I get that sex work and only fans etc. is a woman's right to choose and if she prefers that to her nursing career then ok. But she is lying to DH all the time and he genuinely thinks her 'boyfriend' is paying for all this. Now I have no proof that she is escorting but what other way is there to earn the kind of money she has? The hard part for me is that I have had to listen for years to how wonderful the skids are, how successful etc ad nauseum. When my own BD had bad mental health problems a few years ago my DH was so unsympathetic and made my life difficult while I was dealing with her illness. The very mean thing bubbling up in me is to tell him what I think is going on. Although I feel he is suspicious at this point. The mysterious boyfriend has never been produced. Me saying anything would be unfair I know but how do I deal with the skid bragging when I know the life choice she has made? I am old school and prostitution and porn is literally just that no matter if the clients are wealthy.
I have a friend whose sister
I have a friend whose sister is a nurse. She has had multiple BF's who were surgeons that paid for ALL KINDS of stuff like homes, vacations and plastic surgery. I thought for sure she was doing some... extra curricular activities... but no. It was really the doctors she was seeing.
I will say she was stunning! She is close to 50 now and has had so much work that she has a face like Jennifer Coolidge but in her day, I see why she got the men she did!
How do you know she doesn't have an older boyfriend who is
How do you know she doesn't have an older boyfriend who is paying for everything? Maybe he is married and that is why you have never met him.
Let This Go
Several points: you said "maybe" so you don't even know for sure. She's 23. It's her life and her ethics are hers. Bringing it up with no evidence will be petty...even with evidence, it's petty.
I get it. Your DH has bragged on his kids for years. He wasn't there for your daughter (that should have been addressed at that time). Yet, I can't help but think.....there are so many issues in StepHell....this would not be one I'd even entertain.
All points above.
You don't know anything for a fact. However SD chooses to live her life is not affecting you (nor your DH) personally. I agree with you that is galling to listen to b.s. and flat-out lies that darling daughters tell their daddys, but the easiest way to stop that is not be around to listen to it.
I suggest disengagement from this unless and until it begins to affect you/DH directly and your finances. If SD calls in the middle of the night to get bailed out of jail for prostitution, for example. Or an angry wife decides to sue SD for spousal alienation of affection when she discovers SD is screwing her husband and SD cries she needs lawyer's fees money.
In this case, SD has made her bed so let her lie in it. Literally. If your DH is suspicious, let him deal with it. If I were him, I'd be having a serious conversation about her income, taxes and health care ... since she isn't working.
My SD often tells my SO such b.s. stories that anyone with a modicum of intelligence KNOWS it's b.s. but my SO refuses to challenge SD on anything. When SD was still a minor teen, my SO got a medical bill which showed she needed to be tested for STDs yet he refused to acknowledge that she was sexually active and that he needed to talk to the BM about this. He chose to bury his head in the sand regarding anything requiring actual parenting of SD due to his fear of SD cutting him off, like he still does.
Don't bring up SD to your DH. Avoid talking to her if you can, and begin to withdraw from all communication with her other than the bare minimum. If your DH brings her up, change the subject or leave the room to end the conversation.
If she is or isn’t that’s
If she is or isn’t that’s really her business. Looking for confirmation so you can throw that in your DH’s face that his kid isn’t perfect really isn’t very healthy. Doing it out of spite because you felt your DH was mean to you and your daughter during her mental health issue isn’t going to change his behavior on the matter and in the end it’s only going to put a wedge between you and your DH.
Overall it sounds like your issues stem from your DH and not so much SD, she is just a symptom of those issues. What can you do going forward to start working on either healing or dealing with the issues with your DH?
Supposing she simply won the
Supposing she simply won the lottery ...
Looking at your previous post...
...from 2021 you said then that you thought SD was in the sex industry then. You also mentioned that SD was very blatant and vocal about trying to pick up wealthy men at bars.
That was two years ago. Your DH is probably very well aware she is earning her income from some sort of sex service and is choosing to ignore it.
So my advice is to MYOB. Stay out of it. Your DH is choosing to ignore it so you should too.
1. .. Even if it's true and
1. .. Even if it's true and SD is in the industry, honestly it reallys shouldn't concern you. 2. You're not even 100% sure.
She's an adult and can make her own decisions. Even though it may or may not line up with your DHs values. If he's concerned, then he should be the one to address those concerns.
My SD actually was an “escort”
My husband actually convinced himself she was going to dinner with men for her companionship. I guess it made him feel better. I knew she was just doing it to buy drugs, but sometimes you have to let people come to knowledge on their own. I didn't want to be the one who slammed it in his face.
While in university I dated a woman who had a sugar daddy
as well.
Not for long. I was not one to be the back door man to someone else.
She was stunning and the new chest was what gave me the full picture of the situation. Her sugar daddy was married with young childrne and had an executive aircraft company. When the new breasts showed up, I asked.
Her answer ended the relationship.
I cannot see any parent being okay with this if she is in fact selling her services.
smh
As for telling your DH, I would be wary until there is incontrovertible proof.
Not your child, I'd figure
Not your child, I'd figure out a way to just ignore it...
Dup
Dup
Thanks for the advice. Yes, I
Thanks for the advice. Yes, I will stay out of it. Perhaps I am being mean almost gloating. After the 15 years of hell that SD and BM put me through, it is hard not to gloat. SD stole from me, lied about me, they called the police on me, BM accused me of abusing skids, trying to poison the skids and on and on and on. When I look back I wonder why I stayed. I love DH that is why. Yes he never once challenged either of them because he has lived in fear of losing a relationship with his chidlren. When BD was really ill, BM and SD both sent texts to say anyone would want to kill themselves if I was their mother. They didnt just gloat, they laughed gleefully. This at a point when I was terried I would lose my daughter to severe depression. I don't have any proof as you say but I know SD well enough to know what she is doing. I will keep my mouth shut for DH's sake.
Here's my question for you:
You posted about this exact same issue two years ago. Now you've posted it again.
Question to ask yourself: WHY are you ruminating over this?
It's been two years since you first posted about it and the situation hasn't changed.
I think that SD has taken up an unhealthy space in your head. I also think part of it is because of your worry over your own daughter - you have a beloved daughter with difficulties in life, yet your SD (whom you dislike) seems to be enjoying the good life. So you want to torpedo that. It's understandable but it's not healthy.
You have subliminal anger at your DH for not supporting you/your daughter during a hard time, and that's the fundamental issue here. While BM and SD may have said awful things too, you can't control them AND you don't have to have a relationship with them. But confronting your DH on his lack of support is a lot harder and probably difficult for you since you DO have to have a relationship with him, so you are looking at SD and BM as scapegoats. Using your dislike for SD's life as a means of getting back at your DH (which you admit) is not a healthy way to express your disappointment in him.
I'll stick to my same advice like just about everyone else who has commented: What SD does is not your business unless it impacts you or your DH directly (like your finances, home life, etc.) So you need to disengage from thinking about her or talking about her. Good luck!
All those things that
All those things that happened are awful, but that is also on the head of your DH for not doing anything to set boundaries with his ex and child…he is part of the reason you have suffered so greatly at the hands of BM and SD. While it would be nice to see the Karma bus hit them, realize that bus will also be hitting your DH for not doing anything to value and protect you and your BD from his toxic ex and spoiled daughter. One thing that was a very bitter pill for me to swallow when all the dust had settled in our marriage after Spawn aged out was to acknowledge that my DH was a huge part of all my suffering for all those years.
True, so true.
Our spouses/partners often have a LOT to do with how relationships with skids are either healthy or horrible. Unfortunately for most of us on STalk it has been horrible. And the finger of blame can be pointed directly at spouse since they had/have a responsibility to US they did not live up to.