SD14 went to far this weekend (so long so sorry)
So this weekend has honestly ended my relationship with SD I am stepping out. Sadly I think DH is close.
Friday time to pick her up, she decided she wanted to stay night with a friend after we already made the hour drive *traffic was awful*. We pull up to SD house and she is gone to a friends house. DH threw a fit she came back and went home with us.
She goes in her room locks door and pouts so that was nice.
Saturday I went shopping all day and did my thing. DH worked, sd didnt want to go with me so she stayed home. That night we had a little thing to go to at a park. Before we go we go out to eat. SD keeps talking about all the cute babys around, and trying to play with them. Super creepy and annyoing. As we are leaving the restraunt she looks at DH and says I have baby fever I think I am going to get pregant this summer.
DH stops dead in his tracks and tells her thats not a funny thing to joke about. She then tells him shes not joking. (and i dont think she is, she been talking about wanting a baby for over a year, we keep telling her stop, and its going to ruin her life at 14.).
So we end up going to the park to our thing. SD sees some friends, she ask if she can hang out with them. We said yeah but come back every 15 mins to check it. She then proceesed to bring her friends over, they are all her age alittle younger (she failed a few grades so most are 2-3 years younger but like one or two). We are hanging out with all our friends (church group) they all start cussing and acting fools. I tell SD that she needs to sit down and told her friends if they are going to act like that they need to get away we had young kids around. they tell me off in a horrible way and SD starts too.
DH takes care of it fast, SD ends up crying and friends leave. We knew SD had some bad friends but no where near this bad.
So the rest of that night was normal SD bad attitude rude to everyone, we ignore everyone doesnt talk to her but we had fun.
Sunday comes around. Church time, SD walks out of her room in a dress i could see her butt cheeks in, DH asked if she forgot pants she said no she is wearing this. We both tell her to change, she throws a huge fit and says BM bought it and its fine. I lost my cool and told her if BM lets her dress like that its her choice but we have standards here change.
Finally she changes into jeans and ratty tee, we take her to church and she falls asleep like a two year old. DH just let her be. ( i think this is part of our problem letting everyhting go, but he hates scenes and i honestly just dont care enough to try much any more).
Now here comes the real crappy part of the weekend. SD has a denist appoint today at 9, DH had to take her. He agreed only if SD stayed sunday night so he didnt have to make 2 trips to their house so fast. BM and SD agree, so we go to a cook out last night. As soon as we get there BM text DH bring SD home she wants to go out with her friends tonight. DH said he will bring her home when we get done, but he wasnt driving back for appointment this morning BM would just have to take her. BM said she couldnt and he would just have to make two trips.
At this point DH is mad and SD is acting a little bratty. DH told SD that she could just stay night we had decided on it get over it. thats when BM starts calling me and his phone like a crazy women. Bring her home now, she hates you all, she wants to go out with her friends, you will do what i say. We block her, it had been agreed on, SD had to go to dentist this morning, DH wasnt dealing with the drama.
Then SD starts in on it, take me home, I hate it here, you all are horrible, blah blah. We just tell her to stop enjoy that cookout cause its not changing. So SD gets a plate of food, take one bite screams its awful this takes a like crap. (which was a lie food was great). So DH takes her plate eats it and tells her oh well. He told her when we get home straight to bed.
We get home at 9 SD crys she is starving, and wants me to cook her dinner. I told her no go to bed she wanted to act a fool and not eat at the cookout she can wait. Then we start getting blocked calls, BM said she was goin to call the cops for not feeding her child.
I was to point of wanting to scream, i make her a samwhich and small bag of chips open her door sit them on the ground and walk off. Its not what SD wanted so we keep getting blocked calls.
At this point me and DH turn our phones off lock the bedroom door and watch tv.
This morning SD was a little ball of crap agian.
DH text me a few mins ago he is done he is tired he cant do it. I said welcome to my world.
This child is awful, and i know she is misrable, i know she hates herself. We have tried to be over caring, over loving and try, but now we are both done.
Does that make DH awful, there is no winning she hates being with him, she just hates everything.
If at 14 she wants to live at
If at 14 she wants to live at her mother's, then let her do it. But BM should know that means DH won't be helping as much with appointments, etc.
^ I would let her. Better
^ I would let her. Better than having to deal with that s***.
My only concern would be SD14 getting preganant, and then BM not wanting ot deal with it and shipping her back.
The NCP never has to take
The NCP never has to take custody if he doesn't want to - as long as DH would stand firm that he's not taking her back.
That would be the fear though
That would be the fear though. Would be her DH not standing firm and going all "but my grandbaby!" on OP and then them ending up with both a demon SD AND a new baby they'd likely have to do all the care for.
That could happen whether
That could happen whether they send her to BM's or not. They can't force her to be on birth control and where there is a will, there's a way for a teenager. She could get pregnant even with the current custody arrangement.
True. Not much they can do
True. Not much they can do once she's decided.
and SD had 100% free range at
and SD had 100% free range at her mom they live in the city, we live in the country . She runs wild, she goes and does what she wants all the time. no supervision. Her main best friend lives with her grandma because her parents are in jail. The grandmom is like 80+ so they do what ever they want.
If she gets prego I am sure it will be our problem, and BM doesnt care enough to try to make SD mind.
Show her the 'mom life'
Do you know anyone with a toddler or rambunctious 3 year old? Ask if you can 'babysit' for the weekend and then let SD take over. No more sleeping in, no more going out with friends, SHE has to fix meals and snacks, change diapers, put up with tantrums. That should fix the 'baby fever'. Babies are adorable, toddlers um, not so much.
her mom has a 2 year old that
her mom has a 2 year old that is awful it didnt change anything for her
She sounds like a miserable
She sounds like a miserable brat but the getting pregnant comments are really concerning. My SD is 11 and if she were making comments I would ask DH to 1. get her into counseling NOW, and 2. get her on the depo shot NOW. She is not old enough to be making that kind of life altering decision but you can't exactly stop her from having sex so I would want to at least make sure she's on birth control - and not the pill either because she can just choose not to take it. Also, what about STDs? Does she realize pregnancy isn't the only consequence of unprotected sex? She sounds like a hot mess.
Other than that, I agree with the others - courts normally let kids of that age choose where they want to live so if she wants to be with BM so bad then let her. She's only making life miserable for you when she's at your house anyway. There is always the concern that she will get so out of control that BM can't handle her and will send her back (I'm dealing with that concern now since my SD has decided she wants to stay with BM full time) but there's only so much you can do.
i always wonder what happens
i always wonder what happens if she gets to that point and DH just says straight up no i am not taking her. What would happen?
I have wondered that too
I have wondered that too because I have told DH that if he doesn't get SD back now while we're still able to "fix her" (we always have to after she spends a lot of time with BM), don't expect to bring her back here a year from now when she's completely out of control.
Oh my what a brat! I feel
Oh my what a brat! I feel for ya...let her go to bm and refuse visitation is what I would do. I'd take her to get that 3-5 yr arm implant contraceptive first. If she balks- DH simply says there will NO presents, no gifts, no cash, no help w/anything, car otherwise unless she gets it. Then - adios. What a beotch seriously.
BM would die if she was on
BM would die if she was on birth control. I think BM would love for her to have a baby, she is twisted like that.
If BM is aware of what SD is
If BM is aware of what SD is trying to do and refuses to get her on birth control, then she needs to be held responsible if and WHEN SD gets pregnant. SD is a child. Either BM or your DH will be raising that baby.
Was SD texting BM that whole
Was SD texting BM that whole time? Why didn't you take her effing phone away?
And NO, if she refuses to eat her dinner, let BM call the cops. That's ridiculous.
I already had a huge fight
I already had a huge fight with everyone over a taking her phone awaywhen she was sending dirty photos. I dont touch its not worth the fight the hell i go through over it. DH feels same way, we lived in hell for almost two months over taking SD phone away. Way worse than this.
I would have rung her neck!
I would have rung her neck! You handled yourself better than I could have. I would have lost it. I would have called the police myself. Let them come over and hear how she refused to eat dinner and then refused to eat a sandwich. Let them explain to her what a brat she is being.
The getting pregnant thing would terrify me though. I don't know what you can do, since apparently it is illegal to force a teenager to get the birth control shot. I don't know if you have any pull in anything that she does have- cell phone, TV, whatever, but if you do- she loses it all if she doesn't get the shot. BM is an idiot if she doesn't do the same. I realize that BM is a super B, but has your DH told her that their 14yr full intends on getting pregnant??
DH told BM she just ignored
DH told BM she just ignored it. Like won't answer anything. DH has gotten to the point he will not call BM he only text. We have to have everything in writing.
Maybe he can talk to a lawyer
Maybe he can talk to a lawyer about getting her declared incompetent. We have SS19 as an incapacitated adult. He doesn't get a say in his meds. We decide.
Teens who try and get knocked up at 14 are stupid as shit and need to have an implant until they are an adult.
I wish he could, but I
I wish he could, but I honeslty think if she was asked by a judge or anyone she would deny it. She is sneaky. She would say she doesnt want to , and we lied.
She does this alot, she will tell me things, and I will DH. He confronts her she said she never said it dead pan. She a good minuplulator
Big problem can be if SD has a child and goes on welfare
you and DH May be responsible to paid welfair back each month for SD payment. Seen that happen
I would cry.... we pay enough
I would cry.... we pay enough as it is
When i was a teenager and mum cooked dinner
You heard the sound of dinner plates being taken out of the cupboards so that was your cue get to the kitchen to get food. My brother didn’t as he was addicted playing computer games. Mum tells us to enjoy dinner. We finish it all.
my brother comes 2 hours later asking for dinner, mum told him to eat his computer, never again was he late... op sd has no manners, you are out at a friends place for a cookout and she screams food is disgusting so attention is on her...
if she would have said she was starving i would have said boohoo, you had the option to eat at the place but you chucked a hissy fit so you wait till breakfast tomorrow
my ss20 used to be a bit like this. I would cook a lovely dinner and he’d bee eeeeew whats that veggie inside... it was a homemade chicken kiev and delicious. He was grossed out at eating the herb/garlic butter filling... this kid was raised eating plain white rice and a fried egg with soy sauce because lazy ass useless bio mum couldn’t give a shit to learn to cook as a sahm.....
i told hubby i cook for us, not for ss, i will not knock on his door where he rudely refuses to open and mumbles when hubby asks me to let him know dinner is ready. Ss is driving to the convenience store to buy chilli sauce for the dinner i made... so from now on food goes in fridge, he can get stuffed.
ss doesn’t dare take my cooking or ask if he can have some... with the way he has treated me and my kids (his half siblings its shameful.... so he waits for daddy to come home and daddy will make him come out and eat some dinner
in the early days about 2 years ago he would sulk and say no i’m not hungry and hubby told him to sit his arse down and eat what i cooked... he even wanted to eat dinner in his room, disgusting
she doesnt eat anything. I
she doesnt eat anything. I love cooking, and when she is over for a while i would cook for her. But now I cook what I want. I was a picky eater growing up but my parents said if I didnt eat dinner my problem.
A 14-year-old wanting to have
A 14-year-old wanting to have a baby? What in the world is wrong with her? What an absolute nightmare.
Next visit DH needs to take
Next visit DH needs to take this kid and get Norplant. He needs to render her unbreedable until she turns 18.
Unfortuneatly a minor cannot be forced to put her child up for adopoption. Far too many children are doomed because their idiot underaged breeder parents cannot be forced to place them up for adoption.
You can see the result of this on Teen Moms. Too many of these breeder kids are incapable of avoiding fucking up the lives of their children. It is sad that they screw up their own lives. Screwing up the lives of their children should not be allowed.
Considering that my DW had SS when she was 16 I know this opinion might be surprising. But, child parents should not be allowed to screw up the lives of their children. The ones who can and do step up should be allowed to keep their children... with adult supervision. Those who don't.... should not be allowed to retain their children.
They can have children they can keep after they turn 18.