Seeking opinions on helping SS12
DH has 50/50 custody of SS12. We, DH and I, have taught SS12 95% of the things he knows. This includes everything from potty training/brushing his teeth to snowboarding/roller skating. BM is this lazy slug who has taught SS12 very little. SS12 can be a royal pain in the ass spoiled brat and BM just finds it easier just to do things for him or wait till we teach him. BM babies him and treats him like a 5 yr old. Now this alone is not necessarily the problem for us. The problem is BM likes to paint the picture to anyone who will listen(school, therapists, FAMILY COURT) that SHE is this POOR SINGLE mom and that SHE is the one who has taught SS12 everything and DH is the dirtbag dad who does nothing. Now because BM is a wonderful manipulator and it can not really be proven who has taught SS12 what. People either unfortunately believe BM(school) or when DH pushes the issue(family court/therapists) no one really cares as long as SS12 can do age appropriate things. Now DH got sick of BM's bad mouthing and told her years ago it was up to her to teach SS12 how to tie his shoes and don't expect him to do it since hes done everything else BUT she takes the credit and bad mouths him.
As you can imagine this was MANY years ago BUT SS12 STILL can't tie his shoes! When SS12 gets new shoes he cuts the laces short then double knots them. WHY other kids have not noticed this and said anything to him is beyond me. DH is standing his ground and not pushing SS12 to learn to tie his shoes. BM is still bad mouthing DH and telling everyone shes doing everything and DH does nothing.
Here is my question. This is getting ridiculous a 7th grader who can't tie his shoes. Do you think DH should back down with what he said and teach SS12 how to tie? I will say if SS12 had asked to be taught DH would have done it but then again so would BM. BM is not purposly not teaching SS how do do things its again SS12 is a spolied brat who does not like to do anything and BM wants to take the easy way. Do things the way SS12 wants and wait till DH teaches him. Opinions?
I wouldn’t teach him nor
I wouldn’t teach him nor would I ask DH to. Why would does it matter if he can tie his shoes or not. Why doesn’t he just wear Velcro shoes?
You can’t control what BM
You can’t control what BM does or doesn’t teach her son so for your own peace of mind let that go. If your H doesn't want to invest the time to teach his 12 year old how to tie his shoes...outside of you doing it I don't see what else you can do.
I wouldn't allow this to rent up extra mental space in my mind because if it's not bothering your H or BM why are you allowing it to get under your skin? If the kid can't tie his shoes at 12 or 22 not your problem.....Just keep it movin' as it doesn't impact you in any way, shape, or form...it's all on SS's parents.
Buy the kid some no tie
Buy the kid some no tie elastic shoelaces if the double knots bother you.
If the boy is not interested
If the boy is not interested then he is not interested. You cannot force a 12 year old to learn something if they do not want to without some serious disruption to your lives. I would leave it. It seems like he has learnt a way around the problem and if he ever wants to learn for himself he can ask for help or look it up on youtube (you can learn anything on there).
^This.
^This.
Seriously, a 12yr old that can't tie his shoes? By that age he should be able to figure it out on his own... could it be...is he the only 12yr old that doesn't watch YouTube? No internet access?
Some hills are not worth
Some hills are not worth dying on. I have not heard one thing in this litany of lazy BM crap that makes sense to battle over. Let the kid look like an idiot with untied shoes that fall off of his feet. It not far down the road until his peers shred him for his baby crap. Enjoy it when it happens.
I had to teach a BF how to ride a bike
in his 20s because his nuclear, in-tact family were too worried their kids would hurt themselves on a bike that they never learned. Though after meeting them my opinion is that the father didn't want them mobile and able to get away from him as a control thing, not as a 'my babies' thing.
I wouldn't waste my time worrying about it but I also would have taught him to tie his shoes already. I think your DH is the one making this molehill into a mountain. If you guys are the ones doing most of the parenting, why stop with laces?
The kid knows who taught him everthing.