It seems like the grandparents did their graddaughter a disservice by spoiling her and now you are paying for it. Does the 17 year old have a job? When i was growing up i had everything i needed or wanted but I also had a job at 17 to buy a car. my SD is only 11 and i can only imagine how its going to go she already has had multiple black berry's with internet packages etc. Good luck, I seem to be going down that road in a few years.

seems like you have been putting up with this for years now. So what is one more year till she is off to college or whatever she chooses. If hubby isnt willing to change it, it seems like a losing battle. I hate to say kids arnt forth the fight but sometimes being the step you are stuck.

My SDstb14 is the same way. Entitlement issues galore! Favorite Aunt used to pick her up from school and take her shopping (at one point last year; almost every week). This happened because SD would tell F.A. how horrible her life is. SD was constantly complaining about being mistreated by either myself or AM, so F.A. would take her for some retail therapy. I have never seen so many clothes for one person. Something like 20 pairs of jeans, I don't know how many shirts, belts and shoes all over the place. Accessories that cover the top of her desk. Coach purses waiting to be used. The kicker? A lot of the clothes still have tags on them. I tried many times to talk to F.A. about spoiling SD, but that made me look like I was jealous because F.A. wasn't doing it for my daughter, too. Whatever.

DH finally told her to stop when FA called one day to complain about something I had done (again). DH told FA that SD is failing school, has a horrible attitude and is lying to her about how wriggsy treats her-so SD does not deserve all these nice things she is getting. FA has since taken a step back and is seeing how SD behaves..all the lies and now, rarely asks to spend time with SD. Just last week, FA picked up SD and SS from school (school released early and my daughter went to a friends). Both kids were failing multiple classes and FA knew about it. Both kids wanted to go to the mall and both kids asked for multiple things (one of the things SD asked for was a $94 pair of jeans). FA just laughed and told them that she will not reward them with nice gifts when their grades were so bad. FA said they were both just completely shocked! It was great! And it's wonderful to finally have some outside help when working on the bad attitudes!!

We're dealing with most of this right now with SD15. It's a hard thing to sit and watch but nothing you can do about it. My saving grace in all of it is when the child support stops coming in and SD has to get her own things because BM can't afford it and DH refuses to buy her anything, maybe she'll realize her ways. Maybe. Maybe not. As long as there is an enabler, not much anyone can do.

WOW! i did buy my kids a car for their 16th bdays however my dd got this attitude about how nasty and old the car was (nothing wrong with the car it was just a boat but it ran and drove great very safe) said she wouldn't be caught dead driving it. Where she got that attitude I don;t know, however mommy dearest didn't like the attitude so I took the car and sold it and told her to get her own car an she got NOTHING for her bday!

I do think it has a lot to do with the trend in the way most parents parent today. Not saying anyone here does but as a whole the USA does have that trend. I just don't buy into that trend! DD did slip the other day about how stupid she was for doing that with the car. LOL

My dd asked for ALL those things she mentioned in your OP however I told her to get a job and buy it herself! While I have the money to do those things I refuse to take the accomplishment feeling away from her, she has to earn it. I also want them to know what it feels like to work hard and save for something you want.

I would like to tell a little secret I keep and pass to my kids. I shop thrift stores a lot! I will not buy unless they like new or have tags and they have to be in style so my kids will wear them. I also have gotten some very nice designer bags and jeans and things for myself that I paid very little for. I didn't get my first designer bag till about 4 years ago and it was a used coach that my dh got for $30!!! It is real I do my research that is key research how an item is made and the labels before you buy used. I have a very good eye for these things. I also resale items on ebay. This is the only way I have been able to get the things that I like to wear. HOWEVER my dd doesn;t not have a designer bag or anything like that. I think that is stupid and if she wants one she can buy it herself.

See that is where I'm mean, I refuse to give my kids an allowance. }:) I know but if they want something I will tell them they have to earn it, I will tell them what needs to be done at the house or clean out the cars or something like that and tell them how much I'm willing to pay. IO figure they have to know what it feels like in the real world and any time we want something we have to work for the money to get it and no one just hands us $50 to buy whatever you want. This is how I see it anyway.

I tend to spoil my daughter, I guess. However, it's an "earned" spoil. We used to pay for good grades, but last year, I started telling DDstb14 that she could forego the regular 6 week payout and opt for an end of year "bigger" payout (actually just an accumulation of what she has earned all year) and if the grades call for a little extra...I would be happy to give the extra. Last year, she made all A's almost all year (throw in 2 or maybe 3 B's, I believe) She got a really good imitation Ed Hardy purse for her efforts. Heck...the imitation was still almost $80!!! But, I think she earned it.

She will also be getting my car when she turns 16, but she is also slated to start her first job next summer and will be using her own money for whatever extras she wants. She is somewhat of a tomboy, so I'm lucky because she is completely happy in her Levi's and Converse tennis shoes. Her biggest expense right now is that I make sure she stays stocked in her Clinique acne control. She has my acne prone skin, so I make sure she can keep it under control. I also recently started letting her get her hair highlighted. Again...it's understood that it's earned. Her next round will be courtesy of the 5 A's and 2 B's on her report card...

A few years ago, she really wanted an iPod (this was before the Touch). She was only in the 4th grade and I didn't think a child that age needed something that expensive. So, I told her that if she could earn the money, I would let her have one. She took 6 months of doing lots of extra chores, helping clean at daycare, saving all her birthday money, good grades and good behavior, but she earned it all. I upgraded her to a Touch for her birthday this year since she took such good care of her original iPod and she took great joy in handing down the iPod to her younger cousin. (and cousin was over the moon about it, too!)