Should I divorce
My husband and I got into a fight tonight. We’ve been fighting an awful lot lately and when I get angry and super heated I say dumb things. Anyway today we drove to see my grandparents. Two hour drive there two hour drive back. Usually we switch off with driving but he hopped in the passenger seat before I even had a chance. We had my son and my nephew with us and I did everything with them today from diaper changes to feeding them. Anyway we get home and he lays in bed and I ask him if he could help out with the boys because I’ve been driving for four hours and I’m tired and would like to rest to and he lost it. Told me it’s unacceptable for me to talk to him like thag. I was confused. I was only asking for help and tried explaining myself and so we both start fighting and he begins to give me the silent treatment. Twenty minutes goes by and I go back into the room and ask what’s gotten into him lately and he tells me he’s exhausted from work and I don’t know what it feels like to be exhausted. I stay home with my son during the day but do part time work on the weekends. Those comments frustrate me because while it is easier to stay home during the week with our son it’s still hard and is also very exhausting. He acts as if it’s an all day break. Anyway he has another son whom he’s supposed to have 50% but doesn’t because he likes to stay at his grandparents and refuses to stay the night here. Conversation got very heated and I am terrible at holding my tongue and mentioned he should know how exhausting it is having kids because he refuses to have his other kid overnight due to the fact it’s so exhausting for my husband. I left the room and was like shit that was kinda rude. So I came back in and apologized fort comment and he looks me dead in the eye and says “if you ever speak to me that way again and disrespect me like that I will show you what it’s like not to have your son” I lost it. I ran out bawling. I should mention I have anxiety and depression and have been trying new meds so my moods are up and down and it’s been hard trying to find the rights meds. Anyway we start talking and I ask how could he say something like that. He won’t apologize. I’m begging for an apology and he won’t dish it. Meanwhile I’ve apologized 50 times. I start having an anxiety attack because the thought of him taking our son full time scares the hell out of me. He tells me to calm down and explains himself saying I’m sick of you being disrespectful to me I’m willing to make our marriage work but if you keep up with the disrespectful comments I’ll divorce you and won’t feel comfortable having our son live with you because I don’t want him to grow up around a mental illness I lost it. He won’t apologize and then says this. Idk what to do. He says we can do counseling but I feel like that’s a pretty fucked up thing to say with no apology. He wouldn’t even take his ex baby mama to court for full custody and she’s not even raising him her parents are and he really thinks he can just take him from me? Can he do that? Idk what to do. I’m at a loss for words. I don’t want to be with him anymore but the idea of him taking our son full time kills me. I’m a great mom and I do so much for my child. I wouldn’t stay home full time with him if I didn’t. Is this a good reason to leave? Or am I crazy? Like should I contact police and file a report. Because that is a pretty serious threat.
Do you watch coronationstreet?
Not sure where you are from but he kinda reminds me of Geoff from Corrie from what you've said. He's emotionally bullied you until you're so insecure you believe anything he says.
Asking him to help with the kids does not warrant an argument and he should understand that staying home is not an easy option. I work part time every morning except school hols and I tell you what I'm always MORE exhausted in the holidays when I don't have the break away from my toddler.
And no, he can't just take your child away. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed about and it doesn't mean any court or social services would immediately give your son to his dad full time. Thats rubbish don't believe it. He's playing games with you to scare you into doing what he wants.
If I was you I would focus on taking your son to do fun things together through the day and don't rush back. He's big enough and ugly enough to make his own dinner so enjoy yourself and take care of you. Your physical, mental AND emotional health. And of course your son. Xxx
well for starters.....as a
well for starters.....as a partnership , he should be there for you with your mental illness and helping you through the med changes etc,, this is what any decent partner should be doing. I can relate,,, i have battled with bipolar most of my life and went through some very drastic med changes last year,, its horrible and you need that support ,, your husband should be the one taking the weight off you for anything you need to help you get the correct mix of meds working. Hes an absolute asshole for using mental illness against you!!!! He talks about you disrespecting him,, well what about the disrespect toward you?? From what youve said,, i wouldnt worry about him taking full custody of your son from you ,, he seems to be repeatably telling you how exhausted he is and doesnt have his own son as he is so exhausted,,, why would this change? I would be calling his bluff on this. STOP aplogizing to him , asking him for help is not something your should apologize for ! take your son and get out of this one if you can
Don't make any decisions until you get your meds evened out
Don't make any decisions until you get your meds evened out. It is not a good idea to make a decision about something as serious as a divorce until you are mentally in a stable place. In the meantime, therapy as a couple and on your own is definitely a good idea. It is a good sign that he offered to go to therapy. If you aren't seeing a therapist on your own, you should be doing that no matter what else happens.
Your DH should have helped with the driving and with his child. He should also support you and you deal with your mental health.
You said that your emotions take over and you say things you don't mean. While he hasn't apologized, it is possible the same thing happens to him - he says the things that will hurt you the most when he is angry.
Do not call the police - nothing he said was criminal and there is no need to involve he police in any of this.
He sounds like a real prize -
He sounds like a real prize - selfish AND emotionally abusive. He's very unlikely to get full custody, especially since he doesn't even want overnights with his other son.
Do you have a therapist? He/she can help you with this issue. I can't imaging having this guy as a partner is very good for your mental health.
My initial thoughts are to
My initial thoughts are to say yes and that you should divorce this manipulative, lazy-ass man. This exchange sounds highly toxic and potentially abusive.
But, I don't have a complete picture...maybe you should consider it for a while before jumping in. Is this behavior unusual or a one off? Are there exceptional circumstances putting strains your each of you and your relationship? Talk it though with someone you trust. A therapist or a friend.
I know I have thought about leaving my husband a couple of times in the last few months, when I have been adjusting my meds - but the feeling went away within a day or two. Having said that, your husband is presumably not changing medication and has said some horrible things, let arguments ferrment rather than try to get past them and actively threatened you in a way that he knew would hurt you badly. He has no excusses for his behavior and lack on contrition,
Don't be intimidated by his threats to take your child. He would have to have good reason to be granted sole custody of your son and I doubt he has any legitimate reasons. To be honest I doubt he would even get as far as asking a judge for sole custody if his past behavior is anythign to go by.
Talk to a local divorce lawyer if you want reasurance of likely outcomes if you two were to dispute custody arrangements.