slightly PANICKED
ok, im here off and on, mostly things are good but I did post awhile aback about sd 13 wanting to live with us and I wanted to know the process for this. well omg we had them all weekend, things were great, we drop them off, her and the 8 yr old get in a fight and the next thing you know im on the phone with bm. sd 13 wants to come live with us. we know this decision is out of anger and a fight but she wont let up and dh went to go get her. he told her and bm that if I get her this is it. I go to court tomorrow and start the process. this is it. she tried to say we will still have to pay ALOT of CS for the younger but I don't think so right? she makes close to what dh makes, so it should cancel out if he has one and she has the other. is that right? and what about insurance? does he have to still carry for the one that we have custody of or does she? before when I posted, people told me to ask for certain paperwork, etc so I will do that first thing in the morning. she also said she is sending her with only the clothes on her back. so im documenting everything. she thinks she will do this as a threat and the kid will go back home in a couple weeks, days whatever. dh said, if she comes now that's it. we file and shes ours. is this right? have any of you done this?
It's not that simple. He can
It's not that simple. He can file and when SD calms down and realizes that things aren't all unicorns and glitter at your house she can change her mind and tell the judge, nope I want to live with mom. Letting her switch houses or even come back over because she had a fight with her sibling is crap and bad parenting. If BM wants to fight the filing, she can. There is no guarantee that he will be granted custody because of this. It could turn into a ver long, very expensive 'trial' that he could lose. There are many families here that have spent 10 - 60K to get custody because its what the kid wants, because BM said take them,etc and they still aren't granted custody. Be prepared.
CS, If he got custody would likely be minimal but that can depend a lot on the state you're in. Insurance is the same thing. In some states it can vary from judge to judge.
ok thanks. I know I did tell
ok thanks. I know I did tell him no way go get her, tell her wait and we'll talk about it this weekend. we have them again. but something else I didn't mention, bm's latest affair called my sd and told her bc of the fight, apparently it got really bad bw her and bm, he was gonna put her her in "juvvy" im so pissed at this, he has been in the picture for a few months and who is he to decide anything that happens to this child. at first I told dh , no you get her this weekend, tell her to think about it and we will talk this weekend, after I heard that I said go get that child!!
so am I falling into the game
so am I falling into the game or is it right to get her out of all that
Well, there are a couple
Well, there are a couple factors here... How trustworthy is SD? Could she be making this up, looking for sympathy and to get her way?
Not to mention he can't just put her in juvie. He could call the cops I guess,but unless she physically attacked her mother and her mother says so, the cops aren't going to do anything to SD.
Regardless, what I said before still stands. BM can still fight the filing, SD could still change her mind. It could be a very expensive, fruitless exercise.
If its physical between her and BM,no she shouldn't be there, but that needs to be reported to the police and CPS. If its verbal abuse, emotional abuse, That should here ported to CPS too. If its just them fighting, or if its SD having an attitude and getting called out on it, she needs to learn how to deal with her problems,not just run away from them.
It's easy to get worked up and emotional about accusations like this. I know, I've been there. So I'm just saying, consider the source. Is SD trustworthy,mature? Or have you known her to lie, manipulate, create drama, change her mind and her loyalties based on getting her way? No one wants to think a kid would make crap up or that they're willing to do whatever to just get their way, but it does happen.
Does Dad let his child
Does Dad let his child dictate whether or not she goes to school? To the dentist? To the doctor? Then she doesn't get to dictate where she lives. Nor does Dad. If Mom decides she wants the kid home today, you can bet that he better get her back there. The court order is just that - an ORDER, not a suggestion. Dad is looking at trouble, to be honest.
You need to go to court and
You need to go to court and let the courts work this out. For CS, we have none because one parent has one and the other has one. DH was entitled to some, but it was a small amount so he waived it. You have to go through the calculator and let it work itself out.
Well if we decide to do this
Well if we decide to do this we will get a change of custody court order
Well, actually.... Only Dad
Well, actually.... Only Dad will be on that order.
And there is no guarantee that a court will agree with you. The judge may well think she's a bratty little kid who needs to be knocked down a peg or three... Just sayin'.
Good info thanks. I was
Good info thanks. I was wondering about cs. He has a younger child with bm as well. Will one parent have to carry one kid on insurance and bm the other? He is still not sure he will pursue this but we are just trying to gather as much info as possible