So, this is all my fault?
This is going to be so long. I hope you can read and give me your thoughts.
Here goes...
Husband has an almost 8 year old daughter. I have been married to husband for over three years. I have three children from a previous, and we have a baby together.
My husband has an addiction problem. I am hoping he will get help for it soon. It is severe. It takes over much of his life and causes him not even be able to have a functional life. He can't even work at this time!
The 8 year old lives with her maternal grandparents. Her mother never wanted children (dunno why she got pregnant) and demanded her parents keep the child, they know my husband isn't able to keep her full time. They mostly want to use him as a long term babysitter (or use me)
Anyway, when I married husband, he was a recovering addict and did not use at the time. We would keep his daughter for weeks on end. The mother would march into my house, look ME in the eye and say "yall are keeping daughter, goodbye" She RULED my home.
Sometime during that time, husband became an addict AGAIN! His addiction gradually continued to get worse. I was pregnant at the time that I found out he was addicted again and severely. The mother would walk up to my door, pound on my door, I would open it, she'd push the child in and say "yall are keeping her for two weeks, see ya!" and walk off. As my husband's addiction got worse, I realized that it was ridiculous that I was keeping this child on my own for weeks as the mother did what she wanted, husband was addicted and not helping out AT ALL, I was pregnant and raising my own children, so I said I will no longer keep this child!! No way in hell! It's not my problem.
The mother would march to my door and I would open it and say "the child's father is totally high right now, I am not keep the child, goodbye" She would kick, pound, and scream at my door. I sometimes would have to call the police to get her to leave. I still would NOT keep this child. I was having a high risk pregnancy too.
Fast forward to now, the child will be 8 soon. My son is a young toddler, I have three other children. Husband still addicted (severely) I am keeping the ENTIRE household up, paying all the bills, etc. The grandparents of this child think that I should be keeping this child for them when they need a vacation or a break! They think that my husband should be keeping the child, but that I should remain supervisor! They say as long as I am around, the child will be safe. But, there is no way in hell I am going to keep a child when my own husband is too high to do it! I feel that all I am doing is putting stress on my self, the grandparents (who aren't even old, 43, and 45) are getting a break, husband still high, but I take care of the kid, plus my four??!!?! No way!
Now, I am being blamed by many people, including my husband! He say's I hate his daughter and just don't want her hear. He thinks his addiction plays no part in the situation. That he should be able to get as high as he wants, pass out for HOURS, while I keep the kid! The grandparents and mother of this child blame it all on me. They call me "the bitch who took a daddy from a child" I get talked about like trash by them. They trash me on Facebook through other people. I am getting ALL the blame! And it's all because I refuse to be a babysitter! I am overworked and tired. I raise my children, I provide for them, there is no way I am taking care of another child just so someone can get a break!
I realize that I need to leave my husband. Yes, that will happen. But, besides that, give me your thoughts? Would you take the child anyways and let husband stay high? Would you tell the grandparents that you aren't keeping the child until the father becomes sober enough to take care of her?
Honestly, it's gotten so bad that I have thought about going ahead and letting them pester me enough to keep the child then leaving her with husband and calling the police to go to my home a few hours later because I know they would find husband totally passed out with the seven year old doing who knows what. Then, I'd tell the cops to call CPS because the grandparents think this is okay. And they do!
Thoughts?
I wouldn't keep that child,
I wouldn't keep that child, not your kid not your problem. If your husband really wanted what was best for his children he wouldn't be high. You need to start documenting everything you do for your child together, every penny you spend and he doesn't contribute. Every hour you need to get a sitter because even if home he is encapacitated. Make home movies of his high ass, the worst possiable thing is when you do decide to leave is him getting any custody alone with your child. You also need to think about your other children, do you really wanting them thinking it is ok to get high? That it is ok to have no responsibility and let it fall to someone else? Do you want to risk child services coming to your home while he is high and them taking your children away for allowing them to live with someone doing drugs? These are all things that could happen if you don't walk away.
hi, i totally agree with
hi, i totally agree with briarmommy. think about your own kids..this situaton is so close from spinning out of contro land really affect the lives of those kids, and im talking about your children.
document, keep pictures, videos, statements. this will protect your kids and yourself from him in the future.
in my opinion..you need a better life with your kids. find a way to get away from all these underfunctioning people. in one word: RUN
I think you need to seriously
I think you need to seriously evaluate whether you want to stay in this situation. You have children you need to protect. Do you want your kids to think your DH's behaviors and actions are ok? Given that he has a severe addiction, I don't think he should be around children.
Do you have family or friends who could help you out if you decide to leave?
I think you should report
I think you should report your husband to cops possibly? and CPS - this is no life for any of you dear.
Of course this is not your fault! His shit has got to go!!!!! and right now he is being enabled to continue this BS. HUGS
If you don't get out, and it
If you don't get out, and it can be shown that you knew about your husband's condition but still allowed him around your children, you could very easily be declared an unfit parent. You need to leave before the authorities find out so that you and your children are protected!
this is tough. but, you do
this is tough. but, you do need to leave, to save yourself and YOUR kids. you do know that if the cops are called, you will be charged as an accomplice? you KNOW he is a druggie. sounds as if a complete stranger cant deny it. so, do you want to wait until the cops come and find you and your children in a home with drugs? maybe the BM has thought about calling in on YOU. please just leave. go to a women's shelter, the cops, whoever....you could add in something like he threatened to kill you if you left...