spoiled middle aged adult stepkids
I am married to a man who has 2 adult children, a daughter and son(ages 43 and 46) (each married and with 3 kids).
The 43 year old daughter, can say "jump" and he will say "how high." I've never quite seen anything like it. At her request,my husband just purchased a car for her and her husband. She recently decided she wanted to open up a business....and again, her dad paid for it all.She requests that her father reimburse her for all her vacation trips (including the flight tickets for her husband and 2 kids).On her last visit, she decided she wanted her dad to pay for a minivacation to the mountains for her and the 2 kids.So, off they went......
During her single days, she wanted a house, so guess what......her dad bought it for her.
(The daughters husband (who has a good job)is unaware that all these purchases are made by her father. She has a separate bank account that is funded by her father.)
My husband caters to her every whim and totally changes when she comes to visit.The daily menu is based on what she requests and since I am the one that does the cooking when it is just me and my husband, I am unfortunately expected to cook for her during her extended, month long visits....everything has to be "just right".I just want to crawl in a hole and disappear while she's around. I feel very uncomfortable...even in my own home....when she is around.It's no use discussing these feelings with my husband, because he gets on the defensive anytime you mention his daughter.
It is really sad that some parents feel they cannot say "no" to their "kids"......even adult kids.I have no children of my own and feel like an outsider when she is around.My husband and his daughter are more of a "couple" than we are when she is around.I guess I just need to plan a mini vacation for myself whenever I hear she is coming to visit!
In short, I could probably write a book about my experiences, but, will for now, try to vent my issues on this forum. Can anyone else relate to my adult stepchildren issues?
Well yeah, I can relate,
Well yeah, I can relate, particularly to the crawl in the hole part. And my husband gets immediately defensive too when you mention his daughter. (However I have kids and he can openly bash them when he wants to me!). I have only heard of this type thing you have in one situation. Ok, my ex-husband whom I refer to as Weasel Boy or WB, comes from this family where HIS dad does this for all the kids. He is completely involved in their lives like this too and buys them houses, etc..WB has three adult sisters about the ages of yours and when 'Duddy' decided to move from New York down to Florida, the ENTIRE family (except us) moved down there with him....hence I am the outsider and was eventually divorced and they are all very pleased about it. They would be pissed that I wouldn't 'take help' from them as they called it. It just blew me away. And I realized something after all those years of fighting it, that the whole reason he bought them every damn thing they wanted, etc...was because he needed CONTROL. He was an alpha-male type man who HAD to be in control of everything. As long as he was buying them everything, etc...he had some say-so in their lives and since I would refuse it, what I was doing was refusing his control over us and that just KILLED them all. Face the fact that this has been going on as an accepted and EXPECTED practice in their family for a long long time and you are not going to change it at all. I agree that you should make yourself scarce when she is around and that way you will be taking control yourself and not participating in the madness and then when you come home, you are happy and so is he. His need for this control thing will have been satisfied with no trouble from you and thats' that. Goodluck and hang in there! (Or dump his crazy ass and move on. hahahhaha)
My Angry Adult Skids Feel Entitled to Have a Father Like This!
My two adult stepkids are looking for a father who will cater to their every whim! I can identify with what you are saying with the exception that my skid's Bio Father can not afford to keep them in the style to which they feel they are entitled and would like to have. Hence the anger issues, temper tantrums, etc! LOL!
Mini?
You said : "...mini vacation for myself whenever I hear she is coming to visit!". See you answered it yourself.
Listen I'm serious about this. You find a friend, relative or tourist area you wish to visit. FOR THE WHOLE MONTH.
If your husband can afford what you've described he can easily afford to cater to your needs. It's not a want, you need this to maintain sanity.
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There's an exception to everything I say.