The SS of Doom
So, my stepson is trying to weasel his way back into our lives after almost three years, and is already showing he is self-centered nature after one month. He finally decided to show up to court-ordered counseling, after almost two years. He only makes himself available on one day at a pre-determined time, always a weeknight, when we have to work and get our other kids to school. My husband has started showing his a** more often, my stepson stirs up trouble, and constantly complains to my husband about me. Three years ago, when my husband and I were having an argument, he took our baby who was six months out of the nursery, and said he was leaving and taking her, in the middle of the night. He didn't even think about taking the SS at first. I tried to get the baby from my husband, he handed the baby to my stepson, and I told my stepson to give me the baby and he didn't. I reached around my stepson to retrieve the baby, and my husband attacked me and took the baby out the door. To make a long story short, the police came, made him turn our daughter over to me, and took him and SS to my MIL's house to cool off. Now, SS has been claiming I assaulted him by trying to take my six-month old baby back, and he is "afraid and traumatized". He was 12 or 13 at the time, and he was 5'0" - 5'2", an athletic boy, plays football and softball. I am 5'2", and medium build.
Question, was I wrong to try to retrieve my baby?
I chose to get counseling and
I chose to get counseling and work out our differences. My husband was emotionally abusive, especially for the first two years of our marriage. One night, he stayed out at a party at a female friend's house, so I chained the door. (It was my apartment, from before I knew him, and I was the only name on the lease.) He never hit me, but he used his size to intimidate whenever we got into fights, which coincidentally, were every time my SS came to visit. I believe that he was just waiting for a reason, he was very insecure. Bottom line, I stayed, prayed and got counseling. Things have gotten much better between us and for our residential children, my Bio D and our two bio Ds. However, since my SS has started coming to counseling, about a month ago, my husband has a new complaint from my stepson every time, and it balloons into a re-hash of our old mess.
Answer, no. You did what any
Answer, no. You did what any mother would have done with a 6 month old baby being stolen from her, you tried to save the baby. You did right. I would keep that ss out of your home at all costs. Don't let him or anyone near your toddler.
Your ss can cry a river all he wants, just make sure it's not going to flood you out of your house.
That jerk ATTACKED you and
That jerk ATTACKED you and he's still your husband????!!!
SS isn't the problem here.
You were so right
You were so right. I filed for divorce two years later.
Not so DH was a problem, but
Not so DH was a problem, but things have been pretty smooth sailing for almost three years. Arguments were few and far between. Now that husband is meeting with SS, it's an argument once or twice a week. Nothing physical, but nasty arguments. Before SS stopped visiting, he accused me or eldest daughter of sabotaging him on a daily basis. For example:
1) I took his dress pants and hid them, so we missed church.
2) I put his football pants under my seat so DH had to buy him new ones
The list goes on and on. The breaking point for me was when SS lied and blamed eldest daughter. DH wanted to punish both kids, but I saw firsthand that eldest daughter was telling the truth, because SS lied to my face, and I caught him in it. Of course, not-so-darling husband chose to believe lying SS and said daughter must be guilty, and if not, they would both be on punishment. That was so not going down.
We got a handle on things, and within a few months after that, DH had seen the light, and started making SS accountable, and took some of his privileges.
I believe BM orchestrated most of the drama from her son, and told him I was why they were not "together".
I am happy to hear that
I am happy to hear that things are working out better for you, but you do realize that this one incident is likely to scar any attempt at family unity. I am not saying it is impossible, but it will definetly be a challenge. You and your DH are parents. You are the authority figures of your family. Yes, you are still human beings and prone to make mistakes but even that one moment in your history has quite likely branded itself in the heart and mind of your SS. Children who see parents disrespect and and get violent, quickly learn to mimic that behavior. So any kind of unfavorable situation your SS feel is likely to bring back that moment of violence like a High Definition flashback. Even worse, children (and teens) have this tendency to "misremember" events, especially if they feel it benefits them.
So yes, you were totally in the right to retrieve your baby, just like your SS feels he is totally in the right to lie and get nasty with you.
I know that submission is a
I know that submission is a two-way street, and my husband has come a long way and realizes that submission is my choice, not his right.
We couldn’t make it work
ExH became progressively more abusive Nd I filed for divorce in 2015, it was finalized in 2017.
Simply put, no, you did
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