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SS has a meltdown!

JingerVZ's picture

SS12 had a crying fit last night. I feel sorry and so hurt for the poor kid.

DH started to talk to him last night about me moving back home. He got no further! SS ended up wailing and he actually jumped up and grabbed me so hard I have a bruise on my ribs. He refused to let go! What astonished me was that he didn't want me to move!!

All he was babbling until we got him to calm down was "I want to go with Jinger, I want to go with Jinger!" I don't think DH or I had a clue as to how bad things were for SS until last night. He doesn't want to stay with his Mom. He also doesn't want to be without his Dad, but he was adamant he is going with me. (This is not even my kid!)

From what I understand, he prefers being with us because he has a home where he belongs. It's always been me and DH. There aren't boyfriends or new Daddies or new brothers and sisters every few months or years. There isn't screaming and shouting in our house. He feels safe. He knows that we care and love him. He even loves me although his mother doesn't want him too. He is only rude and nasty because that is what his Mother wants. He also doesn't like how happy DH and I are with him and then he has to go home to a house where he never knows what is going to happen... He knew something was wrong when I stopped talking to him and he knew I was leaving. Leaving him and leaving his Dad. Leaving just like all the other boyfriends and stepDads have left. He doesn't want me to leave him. (My heart just broke for SS. And honest to God, I hate Biobitch even more!!)

DH and made him understand that I was going to move, but if it is what he wanted, we would have him move with us. This kid will move anywhere to get away from his Mum...! So for now he is in agreement that he would like to move. This has to be discussed with Biobitch because she was convinced SS would want to stay with her. That discussion will happen between DH and Biobitch. At least she said DH can have SS because she doesn't want him. What a hag!

Things have not turned out how I expected!

Orange County Ca's picture

If I remember right both you and your husband were planning on moving together back to your home state.

Now you're considering taking the boy with you. The boy is of an age where he should be with his father and of course every kid should have a stable home life. But don't be surprised if under his mothers gaze he falters. Many a mother would gladly sacrifice her kids emotional stability to prove that her kid is loyal to her and not that bastard of an ex-husband.

One of the things I would do as a prerequisite of the move is tell him that he will have to tell his mother that he wants to move in with Dad right away and see what reaction that causes. This will give you two an idea of the battle, if any, that looms ahead. Unfortunately the boy may say that his mother said all was good when in fact he hasn't mentioned a word out of fear or whatever. Dad will find out soon enough when he contacts his ex to facilitate the paperwork. At the very least he should get a notarized letter of permission from the ex stating its all right for the boy to live with Dad and any changes in child support.

JingerVZ's picture

Thanks all. I am just so grateful to all of you - this place helped me turned my life around when I was about to rip out my hair!

I was going to move and I am still going to. Whoever wants to come along... Well that's turned out different. I swear when I got on these boards I could kill SS!! Then I disengaged completely. This kid has done a 180 on me!! Ok now I think there is something wrong with him because he is polite... Ugh!

I am really sad about what was going on in the background with Biobitch. Jeez, I can't believe that his own Mom (OWN MUM!!!) :jawdrop: would pull the crap she has. I mean basically abusing your own kid emotionally to get even at me and DH in some sick war of her own making. She has been divorced almost 12 years already!! Don't they ever give up?! But to use your own kid is so unbelievably low!

I hope SS wants to move and not turn around and change his mind. DH is moving. Complication will be if SS wants
to stay. Spoke with DH last night, and even if SS wants to stay, he says he would fight BM for full custody after the revelations of last night. I am not too phased about him coming along. I don't even want to leave him with Biobitch now. Fuck, I would not leave my worst enemy (Biobitch) with her.

Calypso1977's picture

wow Jinger...never a dull moment, eh?

i just hope beyond hope that biobitch doesnt make this harder than it needs to be. even tho she doesnt want the poor kid, she may dig in her heels simply because she knows you guys want him and he wants to go.

i am happy your DH is moving with you. Smile

QueenBeau's picture

Well, this turned out better than I ever imagined. I hope things work out easily & BM isn't a skank about it, since she already said she didn't want him.

Orange County Ca's picture

Her comment does help. In lieu of hiring an attorney bribe her to sign a custody document in front of a notary. Something like child support continuing for six months or whatever "to ease the transition".