Girls over boys. I have an excellent relationship with both SD19 and D23 (DH's step). They both know that BioHo is a lying, cheating skank (and are some how able to overlook that).

The boys, PrincASS16 and PigPen13 (DH's step), both dislike BioHo and hate living with her and would rather spend their time with us. However, they are ridiculously lazy junk food junkies who are immature and irritating as f*ck because DH has to constantly repeat his requests to them: PrincASS to get him to do a bloody thing, and PigPen to get him to wash his hands or take a facking shower.

If step parents didn't have issues with their step kids, there would be no need for such a fabulous forum as this....so rest assured, young_stepmomma, you are in great company here !
I of course can only speak for my own situation, and depending on what forums you go in, you could find SS's being a major issue with step mom OR dad, or SD's being a breaking point for either as well...it's a mixed bag really.
I don't buy in 100% to the theory that poorly raised kids can become poorly behaved adults, because in my particular situation, my skids were both raised in the same home, but SD25 is a self-absorbed, drama creating bitch, while my SS23 is an absolute joy to be around.
My SO refers to she and I as the 'alpha-females' in his life, and that comment pretty much insults me to no end, as the only strength she displays is that of behaving like a spoiled, presumptuous princess, while mine is despising her actions and bringing it to SO's attention.

I expected to get a lot of joy and fun out of my sd who was 12 when I met her. I have had that experience with my nieces and other young girls in my life. I thought connecting with the boy would be a harder task.

Nowadays SD and I have no relationship whatsoever. She's either being overtly hostile to me or avoiding me. Occasionally she's too lazy to do either and has about 3 seconds worth of civilized interaction.

SS14 and I spend a lot of time together, by contrast, he is fond of me and misses me when I'm not present.

I don't think the difference is in their genders. I think is just that specific has an extremely strong personality and extremely passive parents.

Boys over girls for sure. SD15 living with her Dad for past 9 months and life has become much much calmer. SS16 is a pleasure to have around. Clean, friendly and has respect for his mother. He has his teenage moments but they are normal and one can get through it. SD was a nightmare and absolute nightmare. I didn't realize how much of a nightmare until she moved out.

40 YEAR OLD SD's can be just as horrible. I've looked at a lot of comments in this forum and envy those with good step children relationships. I'd like to have one myself. I tried for 12 years just to be friends with SD. Went out of my way to ensure her happiness on holidays and birthdays. I didn't say anything to my husband as I thought it was me. But in mid 2013, it clicked: The SD doesn't like me and never did. Once I made that realization, I can see her so clearly now. And I don't like what I see. So I decided to just stay away from her. I don't mention her name, I don't ask any questions about her. I no longer mention going to dinner with her. When she calls I don't answer the phone. When she comes over to visit her father (she lives 20 minutes away), I leave the room. I take a nap, get on the computer, run an errand or go work in the yard. If they decide to go eat, I say 'no, you two go and spend some time together'. I do believe that a girl should have a good relationship with her father. I had a good one with mine. But I no longer have any tolerance for my husbands daughter. My husband is not blind to his daughter entirely. In fact, he himself has told me over the last 10 years, 'she be married by now if she wasn't such a bitch.' YES, he has said that about a dozen times since we've been married. And he is right, she is a bitch.

I never mentioned my dislike of her to him until January 2015. He initiated the conversation and I told him calmly and honestly. And he understood. I get it that it's his only child. (His first wife passed away from illness.) And I get it that he loves his daughter and only child. Now he understands my dis-interest in his daughter. He is a good man in all other respects. He just has a raging bitch for a daughter. I remain cordial when I'm around her as I was raised with manners. And I love my husband and cause no discord whatsoever. But I remain indifferent to her on everything.

The SD's best friend got a boyfriend and suddenly SD doesn't like the boyfriend and badmouthed them both to anybody who listened, including my husband. After 2 or 3 times of listening to my husband repeat all the vile things from SD's mouth, I told him to stop. I don't want to listen to anyone talk down about people I care about. He's never mentioned it, but I think he talked to his daughter about it. Because she never mentions her BF and never talks down about her in my presence. (I did over hear a snarky comment on Thanksgiving when SD was talking to her female roommate, but I just ignored that one. Just proves to me that SD is just putting on her 'be nice' act.)

Anyway, the SD's BF is an absolutely wonderful human being. The kind of daughter I would love to have! We get along great and I truly consider her a good friend. But when she got pregnant, SD lost it! Suddenly she's too busy to be around her own BF anymore. It was a very difficult birth and she almost died. Now, the baby is 7 months old and SD has only visited her supposedly BF only 5 times since she was pregnant! Only 5 times in 17 months! I visited every week since the baby was born! And during that time the BF and I talked about SD and what she was like. The BF confirmed everything I thought about her - everything!

My husband and I get along fine. I get along great with SD's BF and we were asked to be the baby's Grandparents! Since I decided on staying away from SD and remain indifferent to her I find I no longer suffer anxiety when I know I will be around SD. I no longer suffer anxiety just hearing her name. And I no longer do anything for her. My husband can buy his daughter birthday presents or Christmas presents himself. I suspend all feelings and am entirely indifferent and reserved about SD and when I'm around the SD. She can have the miserable life she has created for herself.