Sorry this is so long, but I really need to vent and hope to get some advice.

I have a 7 yr old SS, who I no longer get along with. We use to have a AWESOME relationship until just before he turned 4, and things have gotten much worse since then. Not long before he turned 4, I knew something was wrong with him due to his behavior and all the things he was doing, the way he was acting, and how cruel he was to any animal he could get his hands on, etc. Everyone refused to listen, and constantly made excuses for him. I got tired of it all, and at that point was when he and I started growing fartehr apart and I was tired of listening to the constant excuses. Things got way worse constantly after that. FINALLY going into grade 1 last year, his school put their foot down after he was expelled on day 2 of school, and said he was not able to come back until he was seen by a doctor and they were on a path to getting him diagnosed and treated. He was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. The ADHD itself would not be so bad, but the ODD on top of it made him into nothing but a bully. Any kid who even walked up and said hi to him, he would turn around and punch them in the face, among many other things. It didn't stop at just children either, MANY times he would hit, kick, spit on, pinch to the point of drawing blood, and bite teachers, principals or anyone he thought he could get away with it. He is rude to me, doesn't listen to me, makes faces at me, and talks back to me all the time...which is DH's fault for not punishing him for it and just letting it go. SS is not on medication for it, but it only really works in the morning and by lunch time he is needing more, but his mother refuses to think there is still a problem and wont talk to his doctor about it, and DH seems to think he can't do it himself. His mother does not see him around other children or in normal daily situations...when he is with her, she allows him to do nothing all day but sit and play video games or watch tv, he has no friends or other children by his house to play with or for his mother to see him interacting with.

I have a 10 month old baby with DH, and another due in December. When baby was about 4 months old, SS talked about how he was going to put him in the freezer, close the lid and let him freeze to death so he would be a frozen baby. When baby was just under 9 months old, and starting to stand up on things, SS walked over to him, purposely kicked his feet out from under him making him fall down and smash his head on the TV stand almost splitting his eye open. On that same weekend, when I went to the washroom and DH was in the kitchen, SS grabbed baby by the leg and drug him around on the carpet very quickly and gave him rug burn all over the back of his head. Needless to say, I was PO'ed. I already did not trust SS, but now I really don't trust him for even a minute alone with my baby.

Now to the point of this...I am a stay at home mom, and run a small home daycare. SS is now out of school for the summer, and DH and birth mom want and expect me to take SS for the summer so she doesn't have to pay daycare. BM is a total "B" and the rudest, meanest person I have ever known. her and I have never gotten along, mostly b/c I refuse to give in to her demands and b/c I refuse to let her boss me around the way DH lets her. Dh hates confrontation so basically lets her walk all over him and does what she wants him to most of the time. I had already told DH weeks ago that I was not taking SS for the summer unless BM was going to pay the regular daycare rates like everyone else. DH ignored me and never told BM. Then come yesterday, they both expect that I will take him and refuse to see my side of things. DH says I should automatically take him for the summer since he is my step-son regardless of whether we get along or not and that he thinks it will make us closer togetehr the way we use to be...but I think since we already don't get along and butt heads, that it will just make things worse and he won't want to come here at all anymore. He doesn't look at the fact that we are paying $500/month for this kid who we hardly see unless BM needs to go pick up her drus or alcohol and needs us to take him for her or she has other plans. So me taking him for free for the summer would mean that not olny are we still paying the same amount of money, we also have to provide him with every meal of the day, multiple snacks, and whatever else he wants, which I think is completely unfair. Dh refuses to see the fact that SS is so rude to me and hurts the daycare kids I have here almost any chance he gets if I leave him unwatched for even 2 minutes (heaven forbid I need to go to the washroom, or tend to another child)...and not to mention, my baby boy who he has already purposely hurt and threaten multiple times.

Both DH and BM say I am just being a bitch and DH always says how much i hate SS because I don't drop everything for him when Dh or BM thinks I should. yes we don't get along, but I still love him like a step-child. Dh also thinks I hate him b/c I make him follow the house rules and don't let him get away with crap he shouldn't be, and b/c I don't trust him at all...well I wouldn't have to be the strict one if Dh would step up to the plate and be more strict with SS...but he refuses to be since he thinks it will make SS not want to come here anymore. Dh thinks that b/c BM is such a crappy mom, that I should step up and be more of a mother to SS. Honestly, I do not love him like my own, I never will probably, and when I got married to DH he knew I was not looking to be a mother to his son. I don't generally leave my baby unattended, but there are times when the kids are playing in the living room, which is right beside the kitchen and we only have a 1/2 wall seperating the 2 rooms so you can see between, and I will need to go get lunch ready or need to go to the washroom. Baby is old enough where he enjoys playing with the other kids and doesnt want to be by my side all day anymore, he would rather play...but for those 1 or 2 minutes I turn my back, that's all it takes for SS to do something mean.

i told Dh I would watch SS for part fo the summer, but not all of it, and that I was not taking him onvacation with me when I take a week off in August to go "abck home" to see family and friends. i also told him that if I allowed SS to come here for part fo the summer (Iwas thinking 2 weeks here, then 1 week away so I had a break form him) that he would have to follow daycare rules just like the other kids, and not be off and doing as he wanted to all the time since the other kids were not allowed to do that and it would be unfair to them. Dh flipped on me and said he is not a daycare kid, he is my step-son and he shouldnt have to follow daycare rules. the only daycare rules that would be any different was that i do not allow the kids to play video games or watch tv, and do not allow them out in the front yard or our bay on their own.

Now Dh and I are fighting and BM and Dh are fighting. It is putting a huge strain on our relationship and I am at the end of my rope.

Am I wrong for not wanting SS here ALL summer long?